At the age of 45, this is the first real diet I've ever been on. There've been times when I felt I'd over-indulged a bit too much, and backed off on my eating for a few days, but this is the first time I've ever really gone on an organized diet, with a goal, food plan, etc.

Somehow, I imagined that being on a diet would make me feel even better and more confident, since I was doing something positive for myself.

But that's not how it's working out at all!! I never felt fat or unattractive before I started this diet, but in spite of the weight I've lost this month, every time I look in the mirror, I see a pachyderm looking back. All I ever see is what I haven't lost, and it seems to be taking so long to make any progress at all. I'm starting to feel nervous and desperate, like I want to put my whole life on hold until I reach my goal.

It's also affecting the way I see other people (or seems to be). When I would see people in personal situations, in public or on TV before, I never used to size them up and categorize them as "fat" or "slim." Now, it seems to be the first thing I notice about other people.

What is happening?? Have others experienced this?

I'm sorry it hasn't helped your confidence. It has totally helped mine but it took a while. One day you will look in the mirror and say wow i can see a smaller me coming through. Also I find that i always have alot more confidence after i work out. My mental picture of myself is this guy with huge muscles. lol and i seem to walk around feeling like that for a while.




Jon

p.s. i do the fat thin thing when i look at people now and I hate myself for doing that. I think it's just my pre-ocupation with my own weight that makes that the first thing i think of. i do want to say that most of the women (models actresses) i see on tv I think are way to skinny for me. I like them more of a medium realistic weight. Also when you get that skinny the chest gets really small and alot of woman find themselves getting boob jobs to compensate. maybe i went to far there. sorry.

Christine - I know exactly how you feel and what you mean. I think we really have to work on making ourselves remember that we see in the mirror is not necessarily what others see- our body image is distorted. Being on a diet and trying so hard to stick to it and do everything possible to speed up the weight loss process does tend to make me a bit obsessive (check out how much time I spend reading and posting here!!!) I don't have any good advice on how to overcome this - but wanted to let you know you're not the only one who feels this way. Actually as soon as possible I'll be doing a lot of gardening and that will hopefully replace this present obsession (thats one good thing about being obsessive - one obsession can replace another)

I have lost all confidence...When I was realy big I just would ignore everything, but the more I have lost the less self confidence I have. Seems like I just feel I should look better than I do

I think that it is the energy we spend thinking about our diet and our weight that does this to us. I go through phases where I am much less satisfied with myself than I was 75 pounds ago, but those phases tend to be temporary. It happened to me more in the beginning -- when I first started low carbing and hadn't yet really incorporated it as a normal part of my life. However, I had a bad spell of this about a month ago and stayed off of this forum for a while -- everyone who was so much smaller than me griping about how much they weighed and how unattractive they were really got me down.

If you have never dieted before then the intense focus and thinking about what you are doing may be what is causing these feelings in you. It will probably pass, but it may take a while. I, personally, have stopped any weighing, measuring, or recording of what I eat. I want this to be a natural part of my life and at this point I have a good idea of what I can and cannot eat. I do not need Fitday to tell me. Getting away from all that lessens the obsession somewhat. I'm not advocating that for someone who is new to this way of eating, but as a long-term strategy I think it makes sense (I've been doing this for 8.5 months).

As you lose more and other people start to notice and remark upon it, that also helps with your self confidence. For me, no one noticed until I had lost about 35 pounds. However, for people who start out smaller, it becomes noticeable earlier.

I've never had a problem with categorizing other people as fat or thin. Almost everyone else is smaller than I am, so I don't even have a good reference point to allow me to do that.

Thanks, it's good to know I'm not alone in experiencing these feelings. I just don't understand why, a month ago before I started this diet, I loved the way I looked in the mirror and felt very confident. Sure, I was carrying a few more pounds than I was comfortable with, but that didn't translate into any sort of ugly self image. I felt beautiful, in a voluptuous sort of way.

But these days, I'm really feeling fat and ugly, and I'm a slave to my scale. I always swore I wouldn't let this happen to me, but I guess I screwed up somehow.

Jon, I don't think you went too far. I think many of us feel the same way. My husband and I were discussing it just this morning, how more and more, there is an unnatural paradigm of feminine beauty held up in front of us. We can all say we don't like it, but maybe the media knows something we don't want to admit, because they keep selling us the chicks with the nosejobs, face lifts, boob jobs, lip implants and laminated teeth. I think only when we reject it and choose real women, will they stop shoving it down our throats.

I think Liz made some very valid points.
By choosing to lose weight, we are admitting either consciously or subconsciously that we need to loose weight and admitting that to ourselves can lead to some negative thinking.
Once we decide to loose weight, suddenly it becomes a #1 priority and we can become somewhat obsessed with it, especially if dieting or controlling what you eat is a new concept for you. That's actually pretty natural as you are learning something new and it's an activity that you participate in at least 3 times a day. Suddenly all the rules have changed and you are trying to figure out "can I eat this or not?" 3 or more times a day. Maybe the loss of confidence in how we feel about ourselves is more of a reflection of our lack of confidence in our abilities with this new WOL we have chosen?
Once we decide on a weight loss goal, we also tend to get impatient and want to reach our goals in X number of weeks or months and find ourselves frustrated and beating ouselves up when our bodies don't cooperate with our pre-determined schedules. Ah, the far-reaching consequences of having grown up in an "instant gratification" society. It also doesn't help when many begin a low carb WOL with the idea that the weight will simply "fall off them" and then it doesn't work out that way; loosing weight is hard work no matter HOW you decide to do it!
I have to say that as my weight has decreased, I feel that my self-confidence has grown considerably. I'm not totally happy with how my body looks (okay...I'm still not happy at all with how my body looks), but I've made some great strides in taking control of that as well as my health and I feel good about what I've accomplished so far!
Will I be happy with how my body looks when I reach my goal? Hard to say. I think that no matter what we weigh, we will find something to not like about our bodies (look at all those stretch marks! I wish my nose wasn't so big! Why was I cursed with big hips??) unless we can learn to love ourselves "warts and all".
I know one thing...we all can and should be proud of taking control of our health and well-being and how much we have accomplished on our low carb journeys so far.

It's pretty hard to look at people and not notice size. Just noticing isn't a big deal but if we judge others as better or worse than us just because they are larger or smaller we are focusing on the wrong thing. People come in all shapes and sizes. I read post after post on this BB where people agonize over a pound or two fluctuation, and others who seem to think that true happiness will be found in a size 4 or 6. Most of us will never wear clothes in single digit sizes. Some of us will never loose all the weight we think we should. But the vast majority of us can be fit and healthy.

We need to be patient with our bodies as we exchange poor eating habits for good ones. If we are faithful in feeding our bodies reasonable quantities of nourishing, high quality food, exercising, and drinking plenty of water, our bodies WILL respond. The goal is health, not a number on the scale or a size.

Enjoy the journey!
Cindy

I have to agree, I notice everyone around me, too. Of course, some of them are 14, and some are 300 pounds, but most are somewhere in between. Knowing that I was really addicted to carbs-especially anything with SUGAR in it, helps me to realize that these poor souls honestly don't realize what's happening to them. It takes a long time and a lot of thought and energy to find out what to do, then to try things until you find the right solution for you.

Each individual is different, so I really strongly feel that we need to give others a break in how we view them-some really do have medical conditions like thyroid and polycistic (sic) ovarian syndrome which affect them, some are on medications which can definitely affect their metaolic rates, and some have emotional issues they haven't worked out. Sometimes I am truly amazed at the number of people going through life with obvious problems and issues-whether it affects their weight or not-and they never get better-it would make me completely nuts, but, oh, well that's life!

Oh, yes, and many are carb-addicited and just don't know it. We need to have compassion and sympathy for all people, as much as we are able.