It's taken me eight years to admit that I have an "eating problem." My mother tells me she thinks I'm a strong person and doesn't understand what my problem is. My counselor thinks maybe I'm an "emotional eater" but the reason I find myself eating is because I feel gross about my weight and my body and I'm angry at myself for not controlling it! That's makes me eat and binge even more! All I think about is food and what I'm going to eat for my next meal.

This is really huge for me to be talking about it, but I'm hoping that someone out there understands. I know I'm a compulsive overeater, and maybe I'm a food addict or something, I'm not really sure. All I know is that right now I'm extremely tempted to run into the bathroom and make myself sick. My jaw hurts from eating for the last four hours straight. (I binged on a container of mixed nuts.)

I thought that the Atkins Diet was finally my cure because I hadn't binged for an entire month (it's been exactly a month to this date when I started) but now I am totally depressed because I feel like I have come to yet another wall. For years I feel like every other monday was the start of a new diet -- a new beginning to try to solve my eating problem. And I have tried everything out there.

Someone please help me, please! I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a very self-sufficient, independent girl that likes to solve everything for myself and do everything on my own, but for the first time in my life I feel like I have no choice but to go outside of myself. I know none of you are doctors or saints, but I really need someone to talk to.

I'm not looking for a quick fix, and I know miracles won't happen over night. And I don't really care about my weight cause I'm sure it will come down to a healthy state once I can control my overeating, but how do I do that? I feel like the cliche is completely ironic. It's like I overeat because I'm emotionally upset about the fact that I'm out of control when it comes to food! There aren't any other huge problems going on in my life, I just can't understand it! Please help!

Dying for help,
BabyGirl.
AOL Instant Messenger ID: "SoOCoOLOvA"

i'm sending support vibes your way, babygirl. Despite having suffered with them, I don't understand eating disorders well enough to speak to the 'why' of yours, but I can tell you there is hope to come out the other end with steady work over time. Hang on to your counselor (or find a new one if this one doesn't work), think about joining a group therapy situation where eating disorders are the theme (OA is free and just about everywhere). Think about asking your doctor for help, too--could be one of the serontonin reuptake inhibitors, which are prescribed for OCD, might help.

It's never a sign of weakness to realize when we've reached the end of our own resources and need outside help. Good for you for reaching out.

hi Babygirl,

Just admitting there's a problem and it's bigger than you is the most important step, and one that's going to get you where you need to be.

Razzle has given some excellent advice. I posted some resources for Eating Disorders in another post, to someone else with a problem. You can read it here.

You're not alone, and there is help out there.

Doreen

I hear that you are struggling and obviously confused, and I'm sorry to hear that. I know that doesn't feel good at all. I had to ask myself.

How grown up am I when it comes to food? In so many other areas in my life I act like an adult without a problem, I'm responsible to others, and am pretty mature. But when it comes to food I act like a child. I want immediate gratification, I want what I want NOW. I binge on something then act like it was done to me rather than take responsiblity for the fact I am the one who put that in my mouth. If I want to lose weight and keep it off I have to address the immaturity I have in my relationship with food. Does that make sense to you?

The day I posted the original message was pretty rough. I'm sad to say that I was up all night long, tossing and turning with a horrible stomachache until I finally rolled off my bed, ran down the hall into the bathroom and threw up. Everytime I see the "confession booth" message board, I can't help but envision that awful day and the horrible way I felt. It may sound strange, but that honestly keeps me straight in check.

I realize now that choosing to binge is more like choosing to binge, feel guilty, get bloated, toss and turn all night with a stomachache, and cry because of the awful feeling of being on the verge of throwing up all night. Thanks anyway, but I would rather not screw up the healthy new way of life that I have been working on for months, risk gaining back weight that's taken a couple weeks to lose in a matter of a couple hours, and have such anger, guilt, shame, and disgust with myself. It has taken me a long time to learn to love myself, and I'm not going to do something to sabotage that!

The promises that I have made before were simply about not binging, but even more than that, I'm making some realistic promises that prevent me from putting myself in a position to binge in the first place, (e.g, not keeping snacks around, not going to the candy machine, and drinking water if I start feeling cravings). I never break promises to friends, so why should I let me break a promise to myself? Thanks Razzle, Doreen, and Betsy, I appreciate all of your thoughts and comments!

Love and Laughter,
BabyGirl

Hi babygirl!

Using a low-carb food plan will help you with you're physical addiction, and point out to you the foods you need to avoid because you will come to understand them as "trigger foods".

What you need is a plan that will take care of your mind and spirit. You need something to support you because you are discovering that your own will is not enough, and there is no shame in that. Look upon the discovery it as your "get out of jail free" card.

Check out razzles suggestion of Overeaters Anonymous. It's free and has helped many people. All that is required is a willingness to change.

You can do it!

Karen

Hi Baby Girl,

I've read this whole thread and people have gave you some great advice.

I just wondered......when you mention how together and strong and in control you are about other things....it reminds me of me.

I was always an overachiever in school, always balancing a million things at once, but the one thing I never had any control over was food and my relationship with it.

I grew up in an alcoholic household, and in the last couple years I’ve kind of figured out that even though I never became an alcoholic, I didn’t escape the addiction factor. It just switched to food. It is the way I cope with a lot of stuff, especially stressful stuff.

Binging is not something that just goes away, and when it happens, it’s how you deal with it afterwards that matters. Don’t give up, and always come back. Hardly anybody makes this journey without having screw-ups along the way. Don’t punish yourself.

It sounds like you are really starting to discover a lot about what sets you off….you are on your way to dealing with this. Getting help, or a support group or therapy is totally the way to go. Plus support from here is also a great help, and I know just how many people on these threads are willing to give support! It is really great!!!!

Hang in there!!!!
Shelly

How right you are. Addiction is addiction, it then only differs by the drug of choice. My drug of choice has been food, my father's was alcohol, my mother's were her little pills. The common theme amoung us is and was, we don't know how to cope with life. And when life becomes too confusing, painful, or just isn't going our way, we reach out for our drug and medicate ourselves.

So the focus for me has to be on acquiring life skills so I can do the job of living my life better. No medication needed. So when I slip, instead of beating myself up over it and just adding to the pain I try to use those times as a time to learn. I know I slipped, but the important question is why? What was going on before that slip, what was upsetting me that I wasn't dealing with well, I've learned to nip things in the bud as they come up so the binging events become further and further apart. Recovery is a journey that we do one step at a time, one day at a time. My parents couldn't teach me something they didn't know, but it doesn't mean I can't learn now.

It seems to me that once I allow myself to have "a little" of anything, it can turn into a binge. I have been on a nearly two week to three week cycle of dieting nearly my whole life. I binge, decide I never want to do it again, stop eating the food that made me binge in the first place, then one day find myself saying "well maybe just a little" and then slowly a little becomes a little more, then eventually one day I'm completely binging and totally disgusted and disappointed with myself.

Now that I understand how I always ended up reverting back, I realize that I have to keep certain aspects of my diet "black and white" or I will end up miserably repeating that horrible cycle. I made promises in my last message to not to keep snacks around, not go to the candy machine, and to drink water when cravings come on. I am so happy to say that I have stuck to that, and I feel so much better.

I understand that smaller meals throughout the day is better for metabolism, but the more often I eat, the more chances there are for me to binge. There are no two ways about it. No snacking for me! I have finally learned to not look at the candy machine everytime I walk by, and my water bottle is my new best friend that goes everywhere with me.

Thanks again for all the support, everyone!

Love and Laughter,
BabyGirl