I agree with Kristine. Says who? And why should I conform to what "they" think is beauty? What gives "them" the right to set the standard?
Considering that the current "standard" of what is considered "acceptable" is fostering eating disorders in our young daughters (and sons as well) in order to try and meet it, I'd say that something is seriously wrong with that standard.
I didn't need gym class to teach me that every human being is deserving of being treated with dignity and respect regardless of what size, color or shape they happen to be, but now that you mention it, it wouldn't be a bad idea to start teaching people that lesson in school; it seems that quite a few haven't learned yet that a person's worth isn't determined by what size they wear, nor should happiness be tied to a number on the scale.
I'm afraid that those who think that losing weight will solve all their problems and that they'll find happiness when they reach that magic number on the scale will find themselves sorely disappointed once they reach their goal weight and find that the only thing that has changed about them is their clothing size unless they also deal with the serious self-esteem issues also going on. BTW...self-esteem shouldn't be tied to a number, either, since what size we are or how much we weigh doesn't determine our worth as a human being, either.
As for a heavier girl being less "marketable"....dude, we aren't slabs of meat to be put on the auction block! I found and married a wonderful guy weighing more than I do now and we've been together (happily, I might add) for more than 18 years now. Come to think of it, he's gained 50 pounds in the time we've been married. Should I kick him to the curb because of that? NOT!

Weight issues aside, any man that would turn his wife into an internet sideshow to be mocked and ridiculed is no man in my opinion.

This is a quote from Dr. Stillman's Quick Weight Loss Diet, published in the US in 1967.

What a sad example of manipulation and humiliation.


Doreen

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Speakerguy-- may I ask what YOUR wife thinks of your size?

I'd be interested in hearing this, too. Speakerman is still a fairly large man, is he comfortable with the fact that many people who are thin believe he is unworthy of equal treatment, respect, and dignity?

I've always said in the past that I couldn't be attracted to a heavy man. Then I met my current b/f. No one would call him slim. It never occured to me to reject him due to his weight. I like him for who is he, and weight doesn't matter. I find him plenty attractive. It's really just a mindset, it has little to do with looks.

I do encourage him to loose weight, but mostly for health reasons. I want him to be around for a long time !!

I think she should lose weight for herself ,her self esteem and health but we all know that ultimatums don't work. she has to lose weight for herself not because some *ss tells her to or else. well that's my 2 cents.

jon

speakerguy wrote: The reality is quite simple: being fat is not acceptable (not even with the 'to have and to hold' poppycock so readily being bandied about as an excuse for fat-assery). When people learn this, perhaps they will de-chunkify and start living happier lives. I know I have
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Hi speakerguy, I recognize you and your attitude.

A friend of mine I grew up with has your attitude.
The thing about my friend is he has some good common sense ideas and is a bright guy, but his attitude is a lot like putting perfume on a skunk. It turns people off.

I have known my friend for 30 years and I know him well. I'll tell you what others and I secretly think of him (I would never say it to his face), just as he would never call me fatass to mine. If he did, he would lose one of the last loyal friends he has.

He's a lonely skinny alcoholic with no friends on the verge of losing his house. He is perpetually on unemployment because he cannot get along at work. He had two wives leave him! That's 2 women who got tired of being ridiculed for being fat, which they were not. You have to be a total putz to have a wife leave you, let alone 2!

Simply put, I believe he ridiculed his wives to make himself feel superior.

Of course he blames all of our old friends, his brothers, and his family for not keeping in touch with him, but it's the other way around. He is so abrasive in his attitudes no one will talk to him.

His poor attitude towards fat people spills over to other areas as well, for example people of color and women to name only two.

Typical person suffering from NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).

The narcissist feels himself superior to all, believes he has the right to manipulate and abuse others, in fact breaking down other people is one of his favorite hobbies (as it strokes his ego in contrast). When the narcissists life eventually ends in the toilet, as it always does as people eventually no longer can stand to be around him, rather than realize it is he who caused this to happen, he blames others and the world -- after all, the narcissist is infallable, all misfortunes must be caused by someone else's ineptitude.

Only way to deal with a narcissist is to leave them asap, they are sick and will only break you down. Sounds like this "andy" character and your friend fit the criteria...

Well, gosh, hmmm.... I think the webpage is joke, not very amusing, but I dont think its a "real" couple. If it was a real couple, the male partner could find a much more compassionate and helpful way to get his point across to his wife. He sounds like a jerk. That said, I don't think its fair to one's spouse to let oneself go, on any level, physical or otherwise. Obviously, a marriage should be for better or for worse, but I do think spouses have an obligation to attempt from thrusting the "worse" part of the equation onto their partner if it can be helped. There are tribulations which neither partner can foresee nor control such as illness, but as shallow as it my seem, I'm not sure I would be physically attracted to a man if HE gained a lot of weight during the marriage. I would expect him to take care of himself and I would understand if he expected the same of me.

Sydnarella-- what if he lost a limb due to an accident, was scarred in a fire... the unforseen instances of which you speak? If you love someone, does it MATTER what makes their appearance change? What is it about weight gain that makes it so much less acceptable?

The fact that it's under one's control, of course.

Let's examine that. I'm in agreement that fat is under the control of the fat person, of course. We are all responsible for our condition, whatever that is. However, the degree to which fat people are "held responsible" when compared to other self destructive behaviors is extreme.

After all, smoking costs everyone monetarily in terms of insurance premiums, taxes, healthcare costs, and misery at least as much as fat does. But smokers aren't ridiculed in most every public forum. The same comparison could be made for alcoholics or drug users. Robert Downey Junior probably advanced his career with his addictions (he certainly didn't slow it down). If he'd done something similarly self destructive -- say, gain 100 pounds of fat -- would that have been the case?

Another self inflicted flaw might be someone who routinely drives carelessly and causes his face to be hideously burned in a crash, or puts himself into a wheelchair. Is it all right to ridicule that person because "he did it to himself?" it was under his control, too.

I'm not saying the fat aren't responsible for what they (we) have done to ourselves. I loathe the fat acceptance movement because it's predicated on a Big Lie. And I don't think it's entirely unreasonable for airlines to charge a person who takes up two seats for the privilege.

But I am saying that in significant ways, the fat tend to be held responsible, to pay the social price for that flaw than other self destructive behaviors.

Debatable.

And most restaurants aren't requiring overweight people to sit in a special "Fatties Section" where other patrons won't be put off their food by looking at us adding to our adipose. Nor is our "addiction" taxed for our sins the way tobacco is -- and a damn good thing for us low-carbers, too, as the nutritional establishment would probably want to give "healthful" low-fat products a big tax break and make us pay big time for our steaks and cream.
Have you ever seen Nick Nolte mentioned in Jay Leno's monologue since his (Nolte's) drunk driving arrest last year? Leno has milked Nolte's mug shot at least as much as he's mentioned Monica Lewinsky.

I think if there's an organizing principle, it's that if one's self-destructive behavior makes one less attractive, the "comedians" come out of their kennels. Robert Downey Jr. might have drug problems, but he still looks pretty good -- Nick Nolte looked like crap. Result: Downey gets a pass, Nolte gets ridiculed. Smokers look pretty good (until they start coughing up chunks of lung in a hospital), but overweight people look less attractive. Result: "Yo' mama is so fat, when she sits around the house -- she sits AROUND THE HOUSE!"

Whether it's "all right" or not, people who injure themselves in stupid ways get ridiculed too. See http://www.darwinawards.com or maybe http://www.fark.com (just for starters). The Germans even have a name for it: schadenfreude -- "Would that English were so honest!"

Even if we are held responsible out of proportion to the harm we do, so what? Would it really make it easier for us to lose weight if comedians stopped making fun of us?

Am I understanding your comment correctly? Do you advocate having more than one partner in marriage?