I can relate as well. The first time I lost a significant amount of weight when I went from ~160 lbs. at 23 to 130 doing low fat ... I was shocked at how people reacted to me differently. All this new found attention. I was glad and really irritated at the same time because me, the person, had not changed a bit.

But ... since I lost weight gradually I never saw the transformation ... I always saw the old me or when I did catch a glimpse in a window and saw that I was trim I would just become scared to go back to the old me.

I liked the stares and attention I got ... it was like a drug almost. The comments about losing ... more drug.

I think after 10 years now ... I am really starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. During pregnancy I gained 70 lbs. I felt like a fat pig and was in a bad mood ALL THE TIME because I felt like my worst nightmare had come true ... being FAT.

Now I know that if I DO gain weight ... I can lose it so the fear is gone. I have tried to concentrate more on how I feel than how I look but of course being fit means looking good ... so as the saying goes "half a dozen one way ... six another"

I think that when we look in the mirror, we see who we think we are...the whole personality, not just the physical side. Like when you meet a person and they tell you your child looks just like so-and-so, but you never noticed because you see that child for who he is. Does that make sense? So I think it is hard sometimes for us to love the thinner version of ourselves, because we don't really love our inside selves. Conversely, we may not see a really fat person because we do like ourselves.

Just my thoughts. The mirror can be as "off" as the scale sometimes!

Hey Neener...

I can relate totally. I remeber when my day depended upon the type of attention I received, especially in college and even beyond that. I can remeber going out w/ my girlfriends, and depending on how much attention I got..which could be extremly a lot or practically nothing, I would let this be the judge of how I felt I looked. I know now looking back how totally ridiculous that sounds, but for me that was real life.

I couldn't tell you how many times I was so disgusted at me after I went out b/c no one ever looked my way or only looked my way to see who was beside me. I was not in control of me, everyone else was and sometimes I still catch myself going back to my old ways.

Even though I am half way there, a lot of mornings sometimes I wake up and think that I am just beginning. I struggle with this issue many times. So I can really relate to you and your image.

All I can do is take it day by day. I have come to the realization that for each day that I can wake up there is something special in that. And for each day that I can go to sleep and realize that I am doing something that benefits "me" and not "everyone else", I am a step closer to being me.

<<<<HUGS>>> for everyone!!! It is a constant battle, and I can't lie and say it is not, but my solace lies in knowing that for once in my LIFE, I want to be all about ME.