Hey Monika, had to check your posts before bedtime and I got snookered into this one:-)

Ok, I don't mind smaller people stopping in for a chat but really you can't compare a 30 pound over weight person to someone like me who started out at 500 pounds!! Its comparing apples and oranges you know?
I'm not afraid to step on a few toes by saying your starting weight should be about right for the TDC forum. 100+ (give or take a few pounds, I'm not a Nazi about it!)
I have never been able to be sympathetic to even my good friend who tells me her ass is too fat! She is a size 12 so I totally cannot relate to her at all. I give her validation, she has every right to feel her ass is fat (hey I'm just quoting how she describes it) but I cannot relate to something so silly sounding when spoken to someone my size. She can buy off the rack AND on sale! She can get in a plane seat, rides at the fair and not be pointed at like an attraction.
She can dine in a restaurant and not get snickers and stares. I realize that people view thier problems as big or little as they make them but there has to be some sort of perspective. While I had a slender attractive cousin who would stand in front of a mirror in high school and call herself "fat and ugly" I never understood it. I felt sorry for her and never did the same thing. I felt weird because everyone told me I was "fat and ugly" so yes its in the mind of the beholder.
I belive that people with around 100+ pounds to loose have a very different perspective on life and the TDC is a place for us to come and feel accepted and safe to talk about unique issues to super sized people.

Maybe I tromp on a few toes with my opinion but then I'm not a very PC person anyway>:-) *hehe*

I totally agree with Liz... I can see where the rest of you are coming from though... I have only recently begun to understand (and not from personal experience) that 30 pounds overweight is STILL overweight and its still an effort to lose it... I've been thikning on my future and how I will feel when I have 30 pounds to lose.... I KNOW everyone around will be telling me how I am so SKINNY and I'vd better stop losing weight or I'll disappear and that will be frustrating...they will say it because of how far I came to get there...if I had always been that weight though they
d think I needed to lose weight...

I think it's all relevent.

The thing with ppl with over 100 is that its too easy to get discouraged sometimes if you cant talk to others who have done it and are doing it...I used to feel so overwhelmed thinking about losing 100 pounds... I neeed to be HERE to find that we all jsut do it...1 day at a time!

After being (mostly) a nice guy I get to show my true colors.

I am damned tired of people with 30 pounds to lose telling me they understand my weight problem.

Just a few minor points to clarify my position before the stones start getting hurled:

The people I refer to have never lost mobility due to weight; never faced LIFE ENDING health issues of the magnitude of the morbidly obese; never had to pass on a vacation OR a business trip as they could not get into a plane seat or a restaurant booth or a movie seat or a ...(and the list is endless!)
And they never had to pass on doing simple pleasures like taking a kid fishing or going for a walk in the dark with a loved one just to share a Summer moon.
And then my favorite: they will never know the secret mark on the back of the hand of the exceptionally obese. You don't know it? Then you ain't been there and you have no idea what I am talking about!

Now, I am married to a lovely lady (31 years worth) who has been there for me every single day. Most of my friends are "normal" weight.

I believe any person should be able to post to any site including the anorexic in the TDC. I just think it is silly for any person who has not been morbidly obese to believe they have a clue as to OUR issues.

THAT would be like a person who has never been to Mexico discussing that country's issues with a Mexican native based soley upon their knowledge gained from a visit to the local Taco Bell.

Just a note from one of those who had only 30-40 pounds to lose. I actually agree with AntiM. While my life did change for the worse with the extra weight, and I found myself being treated a little bit differently by others -there is no way that I can possibly empathize (sympathize yes, empathize-no)with those who have been or are 100+ pounds over weight. The daily trials, just the little things that happen with others attitudes or the simple act of going to the movies being a horror for some people are way beyond my personal experience. However, I would never, ever presume to state that I completely understand. I don't.

I do understand ANtiM's point. I understand Natruska's point as well. No one goes through the exact same experiences as any one else. However, I do think that as a whole-a certain group can share commonalities of experience that are unique to that group. That is why I am glad that the TDC exists and that I am as welcome to post here as I am anywhere else.

I post regularly on the Single's thread. I love it there and feel that I share a lot with those both newly single and those of us that have always been single. Married people are welcome to post there. But, I probably would take exception if someone married or newly divorced stated they UNDERSTOOD what it was like to have always been single. People are surprised when they find out I am not divorced-they wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Sometimes they wonder out loud. Not exactly the same situation, I know-being single doesn't make people yell insults at me on the streets-but I think you understand what I am trying to say.

Sometimes, I think when people get on a forum, especially one that deals with a problem like weight issues, we are trying to connect and offer as much support as we can. Sometimes, we go overboard in trying to offer that support. Sometimes people are just clueless.

Anyway-my two cents. That and another dollar with get you a cup of coffee-which I am going to do right now.

Well I thought I might add my 2 cents here. I have read most all the catagories in this forum but I feel a special connection to the TDC. I think most of my posts are in this particualar group. I have nothing but respect for anyone who is trying to improve thier body with this WOL but I relate more to the posters who have large amounts of weight to lose. That is not to say that I have not got some great ideas from all parts of this forum becuase I have, but the posts that really reach my heart and my head are the ones that come from people who are battling to lose huge amounts.

What an interesting--and emotionally fraught--topic.

As you can see from my stats, I began this WOE with over 100 pounds to lose, and by most insurance charts I still have 100 pounds to lose, since I am only 5' tall. I have been overweight all my life. I started thinking seriously about numbers on the scale when I was in junior high, had reached my full height (such as it is), and weighed 140, a weight that was read out to the whole class when we were communally weighed by the nurse. Most of the other girls were around my height at the time and were around 95-100 pounds.

As the years went by, I thought of myself as having about 50 pounds to lose. This seemed like a huge amount. Occasionally I dieted to 125 or so, during my high school and college years. Later on, after I'd had two children, I seemed to stay around 170-180. I still thought of myself as having 50 pounds to lose, since 100 no longer seemed like a realistic goal.

Somehow in my 40's my weight went over 200, then 220 started to be what I expected to see on the scale. I begain to realize I was now close to 100 pounds overweight, the amount often mentioned in discussions of gastric bypass. Yet it is still, even NOW, hard for me to ackowledge that I should lose over 100 pounds. I certainly have never said it outside this board. My starting weight here, 255, is comparable to a weight over 300 for taller people. I was beginning to have trouble fitting in airline seats, theater seats, and some flexibility issues such as putting on shoes and socks comfortably. I especially noticed these problems when my weight went from 220 to 250 over a relatively short time (possibly related to approaching menopause?).

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, except that it relates to the issue of whether one feels psychologically identified with the TDC. I think my "head" is still in the "I need to lose 50 pounds" space, because that's where I lived for so long.

Diane

Wow, pretty intense discussion.

As I read, I could see everyone's point of view, and I found myself almost agreeing right along with every post.

Then I really started to think about it. Yes, TDC has a uniqueness that those with 100+ to lose may (in addition to weight problems) have associated physical limitations and health problems.

Everyone should go back and re-read the thread about what REALLY made us commit to this WOE this time... great stuff, very motivational and inspiring. Also the thread about what we want to do when we reach goal weight...

Even WITHIN TDC, and 100 + there are ranges of the severity in which the 100+ has effected us. Reading MisterE's post reminded me that while I indeed have over 100 to lose, the weight I have has not (yet) put me into a life threatening situation. Borderline diabetic, yes, but not lifethreatening.

After reading his post, I thought, I can relate to not being able to sit in a theatre/plane/sports event comfortably, and I KNOW the physcial limitations I have, but not to the degree which his weight has affected his life.

In that, I sympathize, offer support, but do not know what that feels like, and would not dare to "empathize" as if I truely know. Although it certainly makes his posts more inspiring to me.

I will also say that I do often look at a posters "stats" to see if they are similar, because someone with similar stats is having an experience closer to mine, which makes me "feel" as if their post has a little more relevancy/validity to my personal situation.

All in all, I feel inspired by reading all of our posts, successes, struggles, setbacks and (hopefully not too many) failures.

I NEED SUPPORT because no one else in my circle of friends/family is going through what I am going through, and I FIND that HERE, regarless of their size.

I do my own personal "filtering" of the information when I read posts, and that is what I think most of us do conciously or unconciously.

Its funny I was thinking this same thing before I found this thread. Unfortunately I don't have anything profound to add other than I agree with the premise of this thread. I too have over 100lbs to lose. Currently I have my "not fat anymore" by BMI standards which is 145 but my goal is 130 or perhaps even lower. I've never been thin so I'm not even sure what thin will be for me at 5'4".
THanx for this thread and for all that have offered their opinions.

Wow, what an interesting topic. I found myself nodding along with many of these posts. I am also one that feels more comfortable sharing this journey with people near my own size but, I'll take general LC advice from anyone.

The thing that really gets my goat is when thinner people say it is just as hard for them to lose their weight as it is for me to lose mine. I'm thinking to myself are they CRAZY??? I have to do their incredibly hard thing EIGHT TIMES and they think that's the SAME????

I'm not saying it isn't hard for them, but it's certainly not the same as what I'm dealing with.

hi monika and all,i like this thread,i read it when it was first posted but i wanted to wait awhile before i said anything here because i wanted to really think about it.i agree with so much that has already been said by everybody here,yes,lol,i'm a follower not a leader,i'm a yes person just call me clinton,LOL.anyway,the reason i post mostly just in TDC is that i can relate to most everything that my tdc friends are going through,i've been through a whole lot of their issues myself.movie seats,and i wont even attempt to get on a plane until i'm well under 200 pounds,that goes for amusement park rides,and i just dont feel that people with 20,30,even forty pounds knows where we are coming from when we address those issues,i do feel for everybody that has any kind of weight problem,but i primarily come to TDC to read what people that have 100+ pounds to lose,or have lost 100+ pds has to say about what they are going through and what they have accomplished,just my opinoin,and i am always right,if you dont believe me just ASK ME! lolololol hehe just kiddin Tammy

Well, I think it's natural to want to talk to people who understand your problems because they're in the same boat. TDC is my favorite place for that reason. We're all on a continuum, though; 100 lbs is an arbitrary number. My lifetime high weight was 309, so I can't fully appreciate the problems of someone at 400 or 500. But I do have an inkling.

I have felt the same annoyance, Monika, when someone at or below my goal weight complains about trying to lose a few pounds. And I'm not even talking about people made cruel by their own lack of self-esteem, or about the Holden Caulfields of the world, who pick their friends at least in part because they feel sorry for them. I mean just ordinary, good people. I don't think my (or your) annoyance stems from reverse-sizism but rather from a desire to be understood, and a desire not to be hurt.

A big part of the problem may have to do with:

1) perspective. Most TDCers remember how they felt before they gained 100+ pounds - in retrospect, that felt pretty darned good, didn't it? - and we would love to just feel that way again. Ten or twenty pounds one way or the other means little to us. We can't fully appreciate the point of view of a teenager who may be well under 200 lbs. but still truly feels "huge," and everyone around her is telling her she is "huge," and her heartache is real.

and with 2) perception. Setting health considerations aside for the moment, there are some fortunate people who can be overweight without being psychologically hurt by it. With their self-esteem intact, they carry it off; they perceive themselves as attractive (and they are!) They don't see themselves as fat, so they don't act fat. Others (I am one) are bothered by their weight all their lives. Looking back, I can see that at times I perceived myself as "fat" when I shouldn't have. All causes for this perception aside, you don't have to be 100 lbs overweight to honestly consider yourself an utter disaster Anorexics are an extreme example, but again, we're all on a continuum.

Dustercat: great points. I work in a middle school and see/hear beautiful, healthy, vibrant kids--boys and girls alike-- complain about their weight, their looks, their hair, their everything on a regular basis. I try to help them see how the media are manipulating their viewpoints (sometimes this "older than your mother" teacher embarrasses the kids, but they also remember the important stuff) and how they look at themselves. But it's hard. Middle school (11+-14ish) is a tough, tough age to live through.


And yet, knowing that perspective is important, it still bugs me when someone who is my height almost exactly and is starting at or below my goal weight either condescends to me in posts (or real life) or whines about how hard this WOL is (again--either here or in RT). So, I post here and in the Induction Challenge thread, 'cause at least when we whine we know what we're talking about!

Jude

I am ashamed to say I feel annoyed and a little insulted by such posts from people looking to just trim a few pounds. Like, some new girl of average height will come to the forum with stats like 139/135/115, and is asking (usually while hysterically upset) how and why they only lost 4 pounds in induction when so many others lose 10+. As silly as it sounds, it comes across to me like they expect to share the ONLY advantage of being truly overweight : fast early weight loss . It is also hard to relate when they go on about how fat they are now that their size 10 jeans are a little tight . I've never worn normal size clothes in my life! I am groving on the fact I finally can wear some pants (I'm very bottom heavy) in 16s .

I just find it hard to relate to posters who have never had to lose more than 30 pounds. I don't have anything at all against them as people, but as far as getting inspired by thin people, or sharing their joys of losing a pound, it's way harder for me.

In the Atkins thread, there's a woman who is 5'5" and weighs 114 pounds and "feels SO fat" and is freaking out about gaining back four pounds.

I have a low tolerance for that kind of bull####, and I wanted to tell her that if she cut off her head, she'd be at her goal weight. But I didn't. I figure everyone else she knows treats her badly when they hear her whining and she doesn't need it from me.

That's why I lurk in TDC. I may not have all that much to lose, but I don't have to read about someone who weighs less than my skeleton.

(I'm not deliberately trying to be mean, just vent my frustration.)