Reverse Sizism and TDC Postings
 

Anti M,
 

I agree with you. I don't think you need to feel ashamed about how you feel. I think that society has purposely put the obese people and the 'normal sized' and mildly overweight on different sides of the spectrum, and some people who are or have been obese are hesitant to put much stock in what the smaller crowd has to say, and that is entirely understandable. Some of us have been kicked when we're down, and are not willing to listen to what the other side has to say.

I don't think it's 'reverse sizism' as you put it, though. I'm sure that for one who has NEVER been as overweight as some of us in TDC, it is hard to believe they 'understand'. They can sympathise, but their struggles are NOT the same.

I think for a lot of us, we had a scenario like this play out on our young adulthood: I went through high school with a so-called 'best friend' who was 115 pounds soaking wet, who was always on a diet, saying how fat she was (and no, she did NOT have an eating disorder, unless you call attention-getting an eating disorder. She was like that in all aspects of her personality..). She would tell me how nice of a person I was 'inside', and that I was fine the way I was (yeah right, not overshadowing HER glory as the thinnest person on the planet) insinuating that I was too ugly on the outside to even compare with her.

For someone who is not really heavy to tell us they know exactly what we're going through, it is somewhat like a white person standing beside a black person, and giving them advice on how to 'thwart' racism, and trying to say they understand what it's like to be black. My best friend will tell you that is patently impossible, since they ARE NOT BLACK. He's had that happen to him too, having people calling him 'Brother', or 'Homey', who are white or native. :rolleyes: My best friend does not talk like that, and has said to some of these idiots that we live in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, NOT the Bronx. :p Sounds as if they are making fun, and being racist themselves, at least to me.

I also know that there may be people out there who may think they are better than others, and in an attempt to feel superior, they may jump in and give advice on threads that they know nothing of, just to get their 'better stats' posted, or to gloat.

I have not seen that personally on this board, but I have on others dealing with addictions. Crazy, huh? It seemed some of our numbers want us all to fail. It's very weird... I sincerely hope it doesn't happen here, because this is a long journey, and without proper support, it is a hard road. As with the thinner posters, most really do have very insightful things to say that I have noticed so far, but if they start posting that they know what it's like to be 300+ lbs, I think we have a right to ignore everything they say.
It just isn't credible after that.
Just my 2 cents. :)

Diana

well when i come here i was under the triple digit mark but i started out with just over 100 to loose, and the main reason i come here is i got tired of hearing someone that is 20 - 30 lbs over there goal complaing about how fat they were and how they had been big all the life ect ect
its kinda hard listening to it when i am thinking heck you weigh less then what my *goal* weight is!
I have found everyone here to be so friendly and I really like this board :) I was a little scared to post, to this board, at first though cause when I found this board i had like 70 left to loose and I was not sure if I would get discredited as one of them ppl ya know?

Crysania

Eat to be thin...
 

ANY person who is on this forum whether "skinny" or "fat" has a place or purpose and the RIGHT to share. To exclude a particular group because they don't "fit" into our category closes us off to their ideas and new ways at looking at things.

Yes, we may have more to lose. Yes, our journey will be longer. Yes, we have been excluded from the skinny world. I don't see any point in doing the same to someone who has less to lose than me. We lose invaluable insight by closing our minds off to someone just because they "only" have 30 or 40 lbs to lose. I am hitting that mark soon. Let me tell you ladies this, these 30 or 40lbs are going to be the hardest to lose. Is it going to be less of a battle? Do you discredit me and what I have to say because I was not over 300lbs?

Food addiction is food addiction. Do you qualify alcoholics by the amount of booze they took in or how much their life were in shambles? Or do you look at the individual and their life to make that assumption.
Low Carber are Fighting Food addiction! Those of us in TDC may have "different" issues that we face, but don't disqualify someone because they weigh less than you. You don't know their life experiences or how much they "struggle" in their daily lives. It's all relative to each of us and varies by degrees.

I wouldn't want someone to prejudice me because I "let" myself get fat and now I trying to fit into the "skinny" world. Get to know me before you judge me.

I am off my soapbox now.

Tanya

Tanya, no need for a soapbox! I understand your feelings, and I cannot discredit them. You are wholly entitled. But if your message was partially to me, I would like to elaborate on it so that I make myself more clear, since it may have been what I posted that upset you. :) You are a member of TDC because you had over 100 pounds to lose. You do not now, but at one point, you *did*. I'm not 100% sure, but I think Anti M meant more along the lines of people that are wanting to lose only 30 pounds from the get-go. I know that's what I meant. And I certainly don't mean every post by someone who is smaller! :eek: Please don't get me wrong.

Losing weight is hard - I think I have been trying to lose weight since I was 10! But there are special challenges that only people who have had 100 pounds or more to lose face. Just like there are challenges for people who have a smaller amount to lose, I would not profess to know what it's like to lose only 30 pounds and be at my goal weight, nor should someone who only needs to lose 30 (from the get-go) pounds know what it is like to be us - at least 100 pounds from our goal weight, and with a longer road ahead of us.

I don't think I have 'reverse-sizism', as Anti M has said, because I believe that I have received nothing but positive vibes from everyone here. That said, I believe that IF (and only if) someone professes to know EXACTLY what we are going through, having not been where we are, it is not helpful, and sometimes us obese people need to hear from others fighting the same battle (or who HAVE fought the same battle, like yourself - wonderful stats, BTW!), not just from the ones who have very little to lose. I believe that there are other serious issues that surround heavier people that smaller people do not face - food addiction or not. I was bulemic, and I suspect I have Binge eating disorder, and large or small, they are the same issue, and we can all unite on that common ground.

However, when reading a post, worded something like: "I'm SO FAT AND ASHAMED!!" only to look inside and see that the original poster is 115 pounds is very upsetting to us. Because if she is SO fat, we are horrifically fat, and disgusting. At least that's what I get from it. Could be only my issue, but it's there nonetheless. :rolleyes: Reading and gleaning info from the (once again, example) SO FAT AND ASHAMED thin girl does not seem as important (although I read them anyway, LOL!) to us larger folks as reading that post: "What is the one thing you want to do when you reach your goal?" We posted about being able to sit in a 'normal' sized seat, not be stared at incessantly and called names, or to be able to wear things smaller people take for granted, like a simple pair of jeans, or be able to tie our shoes without a huge effort. We can relate to that a lot easier. I for one am leaving that person behind, but I will ALWAYS remember what is was like to be her. That is my fount of wisdom: understanding the plight. I'm sure you are a cornucopia of info in that area too! :) Anyways, maybe I misunderstood the point of this post, and maybe I just like going on and on. (LOL!) But at the very least, I hope I have clarified myself better. :)

And if I didn't, PLEASE let me know. :)

Diana

OMG I had this "friend" (NOT) who one time said "I love hanging out with you..it makes everyone look at ME" I will never ever forget that girl for that reason...she was thin, had gorgeous hair but terrible skin and Nadda nice face.... lol

I agree with the OP....I do feel kinda of annoyed be these 110 lb ppl complaining about stalling...lol I realize though that many are under 5' tall and there are other circumstances..... I am kinda shocked when I see posts in the TDC from ppl who've never been over 100 over weight...

I believe that everyone here can offer insight and support, regardless of how much they need to lose. And I believe the majority of the people who post here are here to offer support.

This forum boasts members with a lot of weight to lose and members who have lost a lot of weight. There are also members with severe body dysmorphia - both large and small. Yes, it can be frustrating reading posts from your average sized, or under sized, member agonizing over only having 16% body fat - frustrating in that it's so very hard to relate to and frustrating in that you know they have a problem - a serious one.

I've run the gammut - from +53% bf to 13% - I've lost huge chunks of weight twice in my adult life. I thank god I found this place when I did. I know this time it's for real and it's the last time.

I've never felt akward or unwanted posting anywhere on this forum, and I understand that was not the intent of this thread, but I can't help but feel that now that I've reached a place where I am comfortable, perhaps I should refrain from posting in the TDC?

Nat

I hope you don't, Nat. The point was (and still is) that not everyone who thinks they understand what it's like to be very large CAN unless they've been there themselves.

For me, this issue is like going into the Addictions subforum and giving my opinions on the experiences of alcoholism when I've had 10 margaritas in 19 years. Or posting in the PCOS or Thyroid groups when I really don't know what those folks go through. I can read, I can sympathize, I can learn and offer support - but I don't ever want to assume I know when I can't.

Please don't feel uncomfortable because I needed to process this issue.

Would it be fair to say then, that this is about non TDC members saying they 'know what it's like' instead of them offering advice and support? Because that is something very different, and I appologize if I misunderstood :)

Nat

Yes, Nat, that's it exactly. Thank you for clarifying the issue. It's not about support, encouragement or advice about a LC WOL - it's the assumption and attitude that we share the same experience.

I can appreciate your point of view, however, I don't agree. Just because someone hasn't walked in our exact shoes doesn't mean they can't feel some of the same things we do. What how a woman who is 30 pounds overweight and never dated in high school? Her feelings of inadequacey or her low self esteem are no less than ours. If she has something to offer me, then I'd like to hear her voice.

Also, you don't know what experiences anyone else has. Maybe their mother or sister were obese and they really do understand the problem with flying and not fitting into the seat.

Just my opinion...

I agree with you Monika. and I think this quote sums it up for me..

'However I respectfully disagree that it’s only a ‘longer road‘ for us. We come from another country altogether. The journey to Britain from France cannot compare to traveling there from South Africa. There is culture shock along the way, a unique experience that French travelers can’t relate to'

I've had insults from strangers shouted at me on the street because of my weight, I don't know anyone 30 lbs over weight that that has happened to. Yes I agree that they have a LOT of the same issues and problems that we do but there are some issues we deal with that others don't and hopefully will never have to

In which case, none of us really shares the same experience, whether we started off at 278 lbs or 165 lbs. No one knows what it was like being me as the perennial new fat kid in town, or the self concious newly thin person with zero self esteme. I realize I may be splitting hairs here - but those are all part and parcel of the things that made me who I am today, and often still influence how I react.

It's late and I'm just blathering now. I'll figure out what I want to say tomorrow!

N

Personally, I come to the Triple Digits Club because it is the "special area of the forum for people with 100+ pounds to lose" to quote Donald's introduction. Therefore, who I expect to find here are people who currently have, or once had, 100+ pounds to lose and who are low carbing. I don't know any of those people in my "real life" (I know people who are low carbing and people with 100+ pounds to lose, but not people with both) and I have learned so much from meeting them here. It has made me feel less alone in my journey to weight loss and improved health.

There is a lot I can learn from people with less than 100 pounds to lose and that is why I also spend some time browsing through the other areas of the forum and occasionally get in dialogues in those other areas of the forum. I don't think that only people with 100+ pounds to lose can provide me with insights and support. I like to talk to other peole about low carbing and weight loss and that is what the other areas of the forum are for. There are also times when I need to stay away from the other areas of the forum because all the people who weight 165 pounds and are complaining that they are so fat they cannot put on a bathing suit or go outside get me depressed. If they are that fat, what am I? And I like putting on a bathing suit and going outside -- what does that say about me?

I don't resent it when people with less than 100 pounds to lose post in the TDC. I believe in freedom of speech and they certainly have the right to post here. Every once in a while, one of them will even say something I can relate to. However, this is a special area of the forum for people who have or had 100+ pounds to lose and I would hate for it to lose its special character. The TDC is the reason I became a contributing member of this forum and the reason I continue to participate so regularly. Knowing that I am not all alone in my struggle to lose almost 200 pounds makes all the difference in the world.