Prejudice is rampant in society. Let's be honest though - that old rhyme about word not hurting is not true. Words can cut you deeper than you think.
Overweight folks are looked down upon - usually as slovenly and unclean. Either that or they are ignored - didn't your mother teach you if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all...
It is a sad, but proven fact overweight poeple are paid less and passed over for promotions more than thin people. If this isn't a prejudice, than I don't know what is.

I agree with your observations thenewme - since I have been losing weight, people who were avoiding me are talking to me again. Even my husband, who is suppose to love me for better or worse has shown signs of true interest again. When I was at my heaviest, we did nothing together. Once the weight started coming off I noticed we began doing things again. He sat close to me at the beach, took me out on a date, etc...He claims ingnorance, but I told him how much it hurt.

Anyone who thinks that people don't discrimate against fat people is kidding themselves, in MHO. Over the years of being very heavy, I have learned to tell right away when I meet someone who is a "fattist". They can't look me in the eye. They look uncomfortable to be talking to me and while they might be quite civil, they are colder than they are when dealing with others. Now, I know other personality traits could cause those same "symptoms", but I have been around long enough to trust my gut on this. And you know what, I couldn't care less. In fact, I quite enjoy their discomfort. Because it is their problem, not mine. I am comfortable in my own body and I am a nice, decent person. That's all I can do. Now, if someone is outright rude to me, then that is a different matter and I would speak up about it. But the squirming doesn't get to me.

People discriminate against others because of anything and everything -- I really think it's their own insecurities showing.

When I was in school, I was the "Pollack" (my mother is from Poland, and I grew up in a small German-American community in mid-Ohio), daughter of a factory worker (and fairly poor), an egg-head (smart), and skinny (really, really skinny).

I responded by becoming proud of every one of those traits (reverse snobbery?!).

However, when I hit my teens I got acne really bad -- and that was one thing I was unable to shake off -- and the ugly taunts still bother me -- to this day, I feel unattractive.

I guess my point is, discrimination hits everyone at some point -- and it's how we react to it that makes the difference. Be it weight, race, gender, intelligence, national origin, whatever -- if we're content with the "difference" then no one can really bother us -- but when we're unhappy with it, then it's misery.

I had no problem getting jobs when I was overweight -- but then I was intelligent and hard-working AND I KNEW IT -- I think my attitude always carried me. Many times I got job offers and/or promotions over my slimmer counterparts -- but I was better at the job and I never felt otherwise -- I never felt that my excess weight had anything to do with my work ability.

But I still have problems posing for a picture or meeting people in a social situation ... I still feel ugly, and not a person anyone wants to deal with socially....

There was a rhyme when I was growing up called "sticks & stones". Remember it everyone? My mum spouted it always.

"Sticks & Stones may break your bones
but a well aimed insult will scar you for life"

I have been fat for most of my adult life, though not fat enough to be stared at in the street but certainly fat enough to be ignored in social events. The thinner birds got the worms.

Don't let anyone tell any of you that your feelings are not valid. I believe we all have a blue print when born. Your starting point and your finishing point remain but the routes you take are open to interpretation. Everything happens to us for a reason. Sometimes the reason is not immediately obvious (if ever) but imagine not having felt some of it. I agree a lot of it I could have done without and I would dearly love one of those flip-top heads so I could hose it down. I am kind and thoughtful (most of the time) and maybe I wouldn't have been had it not been for the nasty shits in my world.

Hey Bonnie

That is exactly what I am trying to say. Well done. We are all different, I have a big nose which became the butt of many a hard hitting insult. I suffered badly and, coming from Scotland, you had to take it on the chin. Although I can take all sorts of crap as an adult, if you insult my nose, I turn back into that sad teenager and I don't like going there. I would haver surgery in a second. Who says names never hurt you eh!!

Interesting that there is another generalization here. Are folks assuming that it's only large women that get the short end of social situations?

I've had my share of cold glares from the person next to me on the airplane, or in the theater, or in line at the store. Now I'm not going to lay all of life's woes at the feet of my weight problem, but there have been enough incidents in my own past to assure me that the prejudice described above is all too real. A prejudice that is not helped by latest round of media attention given to "the obesity epidemic" and the associated editorials that lump everyone over a certain BMI as "whiners who made the conscious choice to be fat" (words I actually saw in a national publication...)

All of us on the forum have made a conscious choice, in fact, to address our issues; whether biological, medical, psychological or other, we have all made the commitment to live healthier lives. Because we all have different origins for how we got this way, no one blanket statement or solution is going to solve it.

I grew up skinny and remember even then hating the way people treat my bigger friends, I found it just as hateful and insulting as when they were taking the piss out of me for being so thin. As I've gotten bigger and bigger I've found that people who know 'me' treat me exactly the same, people who only see the shell can be disgraceful. I used to hate buying 'treats' in the supermarket (such as steak and cream for a special meal), I'd find myself trying to explain it away to the cashier - "It's for an anniversary meal", tonight at the supermarket I revelled in buying the same things while my jeans were slipping down over my hips.

S_Hysmith -- my husband is a large man (he doesn't know his weight, but guesses it's 300) and I know that it affects the way people see him. He's never mentioned being treated poorly by others, but he's the type who might keep that to himself. He makes plenty of self-depreciating comments and has told me that he'd like to lose weight, so I know it bothers him. Some of our male friends are also obese and have mentioned being overlooked (or outright insulted) by women. I know these men have had a hard time. I wish that we (as a society) could learn to treat each other with respect and kindess.

However, over the years I have had several obese female friends as well and I promise you that they have been treated much worse. It breaks my heart to hear (or sometimes see) the way people have treated my friends. Worst of all was when I realized one particular friend expected to be treated that way. She felt people "couldn't help it" and that it "wasn't really that bad." I was outraged by the way men treated her.

In spite of this experience, I made a hurtful comment to my ex-husband about his weight while we were in the process of divorcing. I regretted it the moment the words left my lips. His weight was never the problem; I just went for an easy target to hurt him. It was my lowest moment. That was 6 years ago and I still wish I could erase it from both our memories.

In the American media "getting fat" is often portrayed as the worst thing a woman could possibly do. I've heard men on radio shows talk about it as bait and switch -- "Well, she was thin when I married her, but then she GOT FAT, so naturally I left her/cheated on her/whatever." Yes, these men are massive jerks (I'd use a stronger term, but I don't want to offend). I'm not saying they're all men or even a fair representation of some. But that sort of thing is what women hear and see all day long. The massive jerks are the most vocal. What's worse is that a woman is often considered fat if she's only carrying an extra 10 lbs. Women's bodies are held to a much stricter standard than men's.

Conversely, for a man to be seen as fat he has to be at least 30 lbs. overweight and then it's only portrayed as a slight flaw. There are other double-standards in our society that favor the women (for example an unemployed man is a "loser" while an unemployed woman is not), but when it comes to weight the women get shafted.

(That's my two cents along with a theraputic confession.)

She wasnt blaming anyone for her obesity but herself. Still, thats not to say others are blameless. She is putting blame where blame is due: cruel, immature, classless people who insult those who dont conform to aesthetical norms and as a result of their "fun", they do profound psychological damage at anothers expense.

I think you are being very insensitive. If you were in such a situation, you would understand why she feels as she does, and agree with her.
I lived my entire childhood being taunted because of my weight. The isolation from my peers I could sort of handle as I am introverted by nature, but the intense feeling of rejection and feelings of worthlessness just wrecked me inside. The teasing was so bad, at 12 i considered suicide, laying in bed hoping i would die. I developed intense social phobia and gutter level self esteem as a consequence. I became a shut in in my late teens. Deeply depressed, eating was one of the only things that gave me any enjoyment. A chubby kid became a morbidly obese adult.

I know I have personal responsibility here, the way I reacted to their reaction was wrong. But the bullies are also to blame. My life was literally ruined, because of the way people in my environment treated me because of my weight. It is only now at 21 that i am starting to get over the trauma and pick myself up. I will never forget the way i was treated though, living through pain makes you wiser.

They do it for the same reason low class people make fun of "uncool" minorities, people with disabilities, or anyone else who is different. They are trash. They lack:
1) the perspective which comes with wisdom and education, enough so to find human differences "funny",
2) the class and refinement to know their crude, childish sense of humor should be kept to themselves, and
3) the empathy for other people to understand habitual jokes and teasing at someone elses expense deeply hurt the other person.

They are mental and/or emotional children.

Verbal insults are abusive. They are just as abusive (and sometimes more so) than physical abuse. The one's who do it have problems. If they did not have problems, then they wouldn't do it. And they do it out of fear. They have a fear of not keeping their social position. They are insecure, and feel they need to keep themselves secure in their presumed superior position. They get the jobs, the dates, etc. They want to maintain this status quo, and fear not being able to maintain it. They are selfish out of insecurity. If they felt secure in sharing the jobs, the dates, the attention... they would not be so cruel. They are cruel so as to keep the "inferior ones" (in their eyes) down. They want to keep them down, so they will not threaten their position in life. They have a fear of this position being threatened.

Whites over blacks (and all other races) in the history of America. Men over women. Straights over gays. Rich over poor. Etc. It is all the same. It is pure discrimination, bigotry, prejudice, hate, etc. And it stems from fear, insecurity, immaturity, ignorance, selfishness, basic inhumanity. I know it is hard to do, but wiser people must try and understand just how truly sad these shallow people really are. Still, they do inflict real harm on others. That cannot be denied.

One thing to think about... Many studies (from way back to the present) have shown that the more "affluent", the higher the rate of suicide... in any place and time. Perhaps they get so inclusive in their little club that they are the only ones left... and then are so lonely they freak out from being so isolated and take their own life (since they are the only ones left to inflict harm on). How's that for being "superior"?

Sticks and Stones...
how 'bout... "don't let the bastards get you down!"

celebrate diversity!

- Dean

thank you guys for your opinions and experiences. I will say I am a pretty outgoing person and not shy. I was always the one who would first start up a conversation or strike up a joke... now it seems like they all want to strike one up first. They all come around me and just want to be next to me. I get invited everywhere now. The attention is overwhelming at times. This didnt happen to me when I was fat. They were nice to me but not the way it is now. I know more about them now than I did 6 months ago (its like they feel they need to share everything with me)... what I lost the weight so now I have all the answers. Honestly I have some really best friends and I know who my true frieinds always have been. I am appreciative of my new ones but I cherish my old ones.

I think women do get it worse then men but i think that there is alot of discrimination against overweight poeple men and women. Just the other day i had some teenager yell at me while i was riding my bike 5 miles to work. he yelled "you NEED to be on that bike fatt*ss!!" it's a long story but basically i caught up to him and he wasn't so vocal then. I do notice that now that i've lost 102 pounds that i do get alot more attention from people. I guess that was one of the reasons i wanted to lose weight in the first place. I mean i thought to myself I want to look good, I want people to notice me and be nice to me. Isn't that at least a big part of why we all want to lose weight? Yes i want to live longer and be healthier but that is second to looking good. I know it's shallow but it's hard not to feel this way in the society we live in. I even find myself seeing someone who is extremly obese and thinking, well if they really wanted to lose weight they could do it, i did and am,but then i think well not everyone knows about LC or if they do they don't believe it works. I want to run over to them and tell them about atkins and exercising but that would be rude.
I know i am rambling on so i will go now. I think i had a point in there somewhere but i am tired and can't remember what it was.Goodnight all.

Jon

I think the prejudice and cruelty re weight is truly awful. I look at all of the pictures of ladies on this site, so many pretty women, I'd like to think they're only doing this cause they want to be healthy, more active, whatever. But deep down I think its cause they've been hurt by people, possibly hurt badly. Well, this is all going to come home to roost, because thanks to the efforts of the food industry and the lousy advice of the medical community, there are more people with weight issues than ever. Just keep us on that heart-healthy, lowfat, wonderful carbs diet, and there won't be anyone left to point the finger at anyone else. Except for the lowcarb people, and we will know better. Bill

I don't really think this is a society problem but a pschyological behavior that doesn't have outside influence as the MAIN cause.
I don't try to analyze things(because I am kind of bad at it) but mosly because I don't like to think in depth about matters.
In this situation, I think that there is some Fruedianism<er, spelling> that can be applied. For the most part, he claimed our actions were instigated by sexual needs. I think that people tend to see healthy people as slim and tone. They see heavy people as unhealthy. But it's their minds' eye that makes those statements. There is no translation that arises in the subconscious for those observations.
For the most part, if someone is overweight, they might have something like diabetes. But even thin people can have health problems. If you ever notice, it is not just a young man that wants to talk to a beautiful teenage girl. She attracts the attention of everybody. Her friends want to be around her, little kids want to go places with her, family tends to pay more attention to her. And a handsome young man will not just get the attention of girls. People will see him as capable, heallthy. Able to do his job and take care of a family. I think that our society projects a glammourous image of how we SHOULD look, yes. But it is already established. If there was no media and TV, we would still like that body and try for that body. It makes us feel better and younger, healthier. Even if you are happy and you do not fit into that perfect body scenario, I don't know anyone who would prefer to be overweight as opposed to be tone and trim.
Why do people that are heavy get looked down upon? Well, not everyone shuns you if you have a weight problem, but on the same hand, an individual who is overweight or obese is perhaps seen with an eating problem. As someone with no self-control. As a depressed and angry person. the list goes on. And we know this is a stereotype that can not apply to most persons who need to lose weight.
The person who is overweight tends to be aware that he/she is overweight and then when talking to a person who is of a normal weight, that awareness just keeps festering. When talking to an overweight person, someone who does not have a weight problem tries to ignore that other person's difference, because THAT is something our society teaches us to do. Especially an american society. It teaches us to assimilate. So aside from snide mockings of teenage boys now and then, majority of people do not normally make comments if you have weight issues.
When you are heavy, overall people see you as an individual I think, and there is wasted potiential physically if you do not live up to the human expectation of having a nice body. And simply, if you do live up to that potiential, you are admired and admiration is the thing we have for movie stars and super athletes, on a different scale though.
Visually pleasing things makes us happy, but visually unpleasing things make us uncomfortable. That is why the entertainment industry is so big. Why pornography exsists. Why models are paid so much to wear a christian dior. why we flock to see movies when books have better stories.