Hi,,

In the last few weeks I have realized that I am in control. Now this may suprise some who say "How come you didnt already know this". But I have found out that finally I am controlling the food, it isnt controlling me. And it isnt my friend. I have always, as long as I can remember been controlled by food. Even as a child I can remember trying to think of ways to sneak food or to eat more. I feel ashamed telling that because how is it possible that a child can be out of control? But as I have started to think of my weight and what lead to it as a medical condition I see that I have always been a carb addict, even from early childhood. I could never get enough candy or sweets, I began hiding my food consumption as soon as I realized (as a young teenager) that it was "shameful" But I have seen in the last few weeks that I am no longer turning to food for comfort, I am able to pass on HC foods with no regrets or feelings of deprivation. It is almost a euphoric feeling. This must be what people who dont have an "eating" disorder feel like. Food is no longer something I think about that much. Sure, I plan meals, but when I get up in the morning my first thought isnt what am I going to eat, now its what am I going to do today or what workout am I going to do. I dont wait for my DH to fall asleep so I can go downstairs and eat on the sly. I am free, I am free, I am free...............and I am never going back to being a prisoner to food. I always wanted to know what it feels like to be skinny and now I know...now the outside has to catch up with the inside.

You have described very well how I have felt myself. I too was obsessed with sweets as a child. I used to take the "Quik" brand chocolate powder and a spoon, go behind the dryer and eat it right out of the can. Not a happy memory at all.

And I can also agree with the miraculously free feeling that comes with finding LC and finally turning off that inner voice that drove us to eat carbs all day long. I love it too

Thanks for the great post.

Tracy

Tracy & Tanya...I can appreciate exactly what you are both saying. I have always snuck food. I still sneek food. I am not at the point in my life or with this woe that I can honestly saY I have a grip n this. But , I know I will get there. ....eventually.

My family laughs at me when they recount this stor about me...but it really wasn't funny. I have been dieting since I was about 6 years old. Once, my mom had me on a diet...and when they were in the family room..I snuck to the fridge and grabbed a plum...shoved the whole thing in my mouth...and made a beeline to the bathroom. aBout half way there...my mom called my name..and I started to choke on the plum. Scariest thing by far to ever happen to me! Regarding food anyhow

Anyhow, my shame, their jubilation in retelling the story over and over again. And, as the years have passed and I think about it more....what was so wrong with a simple plum????? Not like it was a cookie or icecream or something really sinful???

Just thought I would share....

And yes Tracy....I too have done "the nestle quick trip".

I can identify with everything you wrote. There is such freedom in no longer being obsessed with food.

Wow... I'd never thought about it that way. But yeah--I identify. I think I was realizing it recently, when we went to a friends birthday party and there were cakes (no, not just one! TWO!) that everyone was sitting around eating.

And I didn't eat it. I didn't even feel COMPELLED to eat it... it wasn't like saying no was this horribly trying ordeal, like it used to be. It was the same way I'd say no to eating something I didn't like. I think that's when I realized--I might be getting control.

As for the food sneaking... god. That's even what we called it. "Bree, have you been sneaking food?" I mean, what a weird phrase...

I have a few horribly humiliating stories from my childhood about the way food controlled me. Things that still make me cringe... what, 10, 15 years later? Until I read this thread... I don't think I understood how big an impact it had. But it did.

And I've never admitted it before. *g* Feels kinda good.

Oh goodness when I think of what I used to do to get more food... I mean I'd do the drive through and ask them to put each meal in a seperate bag (as if I was buying for more than just me ) or I'd buy 2 drinks so it would seem that way... then with the bulimia the preparation for a binge, the shopping and then the scoffing .... I used to sneek food from the cupboard at home - ingredient type food - icing sugar out of the carton, cooking chocolatem, nuts etc .....

Now I've had few desires to binge, and I'm not always hunting for food in every waking hour of the day .... I'm better prepared for outings and I seem to understand myself better - and yes its a great feeling when you realise you are finally in control

Fiona

because everything I've read in this post is me. I'm crying over all the time and energy I wasted in my life obsessing about food, thinking about food, planning my binges, feeling guilty about them, beating myself up over them, and I could go on and on.

My first diet was when I was 8 & I'm sure the rest started soon after. My Mom even told me recently that my first diet was low carb because the pediatrician told her my body can't handle them. For me, my favorite sneak food was Jiffy Banana Bread mix... right out of the box of course... most of the time didn't even bother with a spoon.

Fast forward to this past February, when I lit into my daughter for opening the bag of potato chips that I had already planned to eat when everyone had gone to bed. That's when I knew I had to do something.

In between was 32 years of abusing my body and my soul.

Like gotoloseit though, I am in control now and don't plan on EVER giving it up. That's why this woman who 'hates to cook' is now cooking and doing dishes 10x more than she ever has (and still hates it!). That's why, even though I'm discouraged about my slow weight loss, I haven't considered giving this WOE up. And that's why I'm going to print out this whole thread & save it in case I do forget why I'm doing this.

Thanks everybody.

I too used to sneak food. I remember when I was 7 or 8 my mom bought a watermelon but told me I couldn't have any (she was saving it for dessert on the weekend I think). Anyways, I went and cut a very thin slice and took it to my bedroom. I ate a little bit but felt so guilty I hid it in my closet. To make a long story short, it sat in there for months, eventually drying out. It wasn't until we moved into our new house 3 or 4 months later that I snuck the plate out of my room and washed it as fast as I could to hide my shame.

I used to pride myself on being able to eat as much as my 6'3" father (who weighed 250-260) when I was 8, I used to offer to do the dishes so I could finish the food leftover in the serving bowls. I used to get so ANGRY with my mom when she'd try and control my food intake. I had allowance and was always buying chips, chocolate bars and candy at the local store. I weighed 105 pounds when I started Grade 4. I weighed 289 when I graduated high school. I was bulimic in high school and afterward, even wound up in the hospital because I couldn't stop throwing up. They NEVER ASKED if I was doing it to myself!

I vowed if I ever reached 300 pounds that I would kill myself. That weight came and went but at that point I just didn't care anymore. Then one day, I was watching Oprah of all things. She had the Dr's Heller on (CAD gurus) and what they said made sense. I bought the book and carb counters, etc. It worked for a while, but then the additive side of me kept turning the "reward meal" into a one hour free for all binge. Bulimia returned. I stopped CAD. I joined this forum on June 25, 2002, once again attempting CAD. Failing again, same thing as before. I decided to try Atkins, but hadn't purchased the book. Had lots of energy, was feeling really good, but due to lack of commitment to myself it didn't work.

Friday, April 25, 2003 I was channel surfing and who's on Larry King Live? Dr. Atkin's himself. I believe in signs so I stopped surfing and started watching. I was saddened to see he'd passed away. I made a commitment to myself that night to start Atkin's again on Saturday morning. I got up, drove to the city, toldmy mom my intentions and she gave me steak for brekkie (god how I love that woman, love dad too!) I went and bought the DANDR for myself. I bought 2 pairs of new shoes and a bunch of LC groceries. Sunday I went to the gym for the first time in weeks andhave been going ever since.

So here I'm finished my third week of Induction. The scale hasn't budged for a few days and I'm not worrying anymore. I know this WOE works and I'm not going to let it get me down. I feel better, I breathe easier, I perform my job better, I spend more quality time with my kids...all things I couldn't do before because I was always sluggish and tired. I started tearing up when I was reading your posts because I know I've found a place where I belong, where I'm accepted, where I'm understood. I'm grateful each and every day for the fellowship, strength and encouragement I receive from all of you. Thank you for helping me live.

Love,

Nicole