I appreciate all the kind words about my doing this for my mom. I do want her to get back her dignity and remain herself for longer, but I need to also be honest about to what degree this is for me.
Others here, who have dealt with AD in a parent will relate when I say there is a kind of grief involved. Once your mom or dad goes finally around the bend, or even gets so that they don't resemble the person you loved for your whole life, it's like they died. And yet, as a Christian, I don't have the comfort of believing she's in a better place. If I can avoid that for as long as possible, I will be happier. Yes, she will too, but selfishly, I will be.
Also, I struggle with walking the line that I need to, vis a vis patience and tolerance. I would almost be happy to take care of her if she had her old judgment and common sense back, whether she knew me or not, despite what I wrote above about grief. The conventional wisdom is not to argue with her and just keep her complacent, happy and safe. I'm sorry but if I did that, she'd be a mess by now. As it is, she tries harder, and does remember more than she did before she had the stimulation of living here. I challenge her to remember what she can and to use her brain as much as possible. They talk about giving them puzzles to do, yadda yadda... None of that has helped her as much as making her think about who this or that grandchild belongs to, or what we were just talking about. I am not always a sweet daughter.
This morning, she asked for a second piece of gf toast to put her blueberry puree spread on and I talked her out of it. I suggested she eat it on her eggs. I love fruit with eggs and as much as I love them, I would not like them if I didn't drink fruity flavored water with them. I also offered to just get out the package of blueberries and let her have a serving of them. Then, I went back to my room to change for the day. I went back out when finished and found her with a piece of DH's whole wheat bread, that she had gotten for herself, on which to spread the blueberry puree. I was furious! I didn't realize that today would be the day she would quit remembering past symptoms from eating wheat (horribly runny nose that keeps her awake at night, transitioning to not being able to breathe, so more insomnia from that) and her despair from Sunday morning, over her memory and the advance of the AD. We had a small row over it, but I relaxed when I realized she had forgotten. So, we came up with a new way for her to end her meal with a pleasant taste in her mouth. I'll either give her some strawberries and cream, or she can have the Mio drink that I enjoy. I know it's chemical, but unless the docs in the book say it's a definite no-no, it will have to be a compromise.