OK...I blew it on Monday. I had to travel to another city for a meeting so I hit the McDonald's drive thru....ordered 2 egg mcmuffins and a large coffee...I ordered the meals because it was cheaper. Well....I opened the wrapper and had every intention of removing the muffin....and I didn't. I ate half of it before I finally got some semblance of a grip and took one side of the remaining muffin off. To make matters worse there were 3 hashbrowns in the bag...and I ate them all.....I relished them....sigh! I took one side of the muffin off the second sandwich and ate it, throwing away the other half of the muffin. I had a regular coffee with double cream and was shaking by the time I arrived in Prince Albert an hour and a half later. I was shaky for the remainder of the morning and into the afternoon.

I did okay at lunch, eating a small salad and 2 pieces of chicken (scraped off the breading and mushroom sauce) and a ton of water, but then broke down and had a blueberry-filled bannock with icing. (yes...i'm seeing the snowball rolliing down the mountain)

On my way home I stopped at McDonald's again and got a Jr. Big Xtra with cheese and a cheeseburger happy meal with a diet coke....god the insanity of it all.

In Saskatoon my hubby asked me to get him a sub at Subway so I got 2 for him and one for myself. I ate it when I got home.

I didn't feel ashamed...just tired....and frustrated. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I know to ask for it without the muffin next time...and to be good to myself and pay more not to get the hashbrowns, although on some level...I really wanted them.

This was after 14 days on Induction ....and I was feeling so frustrated. I know part of it was the addictive thinking creeping back, telling me, go ahead....what difference does it make...it's not working anyways. I think it's the bacon I've been eating that's causing my stalls so I'm going to aviod it and ham , which I had last night...so there must be something in it, as mine had no nitrates, that causes me to blank out.

I've been good up until today....here we go again...I'm good or I'm bad, based on what I eat? what horse sh*t!....I had a piece of chocolate birthday cake after I ate my salad at lunch. Snuck it into my office like some kind of god****** junkie to eat with the door closed...like I'm supposed to be ashamed of myself or feel guilty. I'm not....honestly and truly....I just have to keep trying.

When I compare this to the way I used to eat...I'm still out in front by MILES!!!! I'm proud of me...I'm not perfect....I'm learning my lessons as I go. I'll keep trying, but I'm not lying anymore. It's the shame that kept me stuck for so many years. Thanks for letting me share. Keep coming back!!

Nicole