Please forgive yourself.
What's past is past. You can't rewrite those times; you can only live today each day the best you can.
And I'll replay the broken record. If you're changing your life so that you are eating in a self-loving, healthy way, and making those changes for good, you can't "fall off a diet." You can't "back up." Every experience of eating carbs can be a learning experience, positive growth in the long run. You can't be "bad" for eating a food. You just made less than self-loving choices for awhile. Love yourself by eating whole foods, fresh foods, prepared with care yourself and enjoyed entirely.
Here's what you learned positive: it doesn't take much time at ALL for those pounds to rush back on. That's a great lesson! Is the misery you feel now worth those 15 minute spurts of carb-stuffing? I bet not.
If you hate seeing the numbers, stay off the scale for a few months. September 1 might be a nice day to weigh.
Until then, focus on your behavior, not the numbers.
I'll play another of my own broken records, too. If you have a lifetime of this experience, and if you keep "falling off the wagon," I think Overeaters Anonymous is an idea to at least consider. The support for trying to stay abstenant of your own problem foods, and the peer therapy that addresses the emotional reasons we eat is invaluable...and yet it's 100% free. The first step is admitting you are powerless over carbs and that they have taken control of your life. You ask for your Higher Power (however you understand that--even if it's you own personal Higher Self that you know you can be at times) to help you stay on the healing path. This has worked miracles for literally millions of people with various addictions.
(my name is razzle, and I'm a sugar addict, too)
Best of luck to you. You're worth the effort.