Hello - my name is Laura and I have been fighting fat for much of my life, as many of you have been as well. I was a chubby child who "had such a pretty face", I was rather uncoordinated due to bad vision so was clumsy and discouraged from sports, and was raised by a mother who was always either on a diet or complaining that she was fat and needed to be on a diet.

I recently went through some major family problems and the result was separation from my brother, sister and mother for almost 2 years because we couldn't see eye to eye on my life choices (they didn't like my DH because he has a drinking problem and said they didn't want him around the family). Obviously the story is much more complex than this basic outline. But my family's lack of support when my DH and I most needed it resulted in my fall into what I look back on as a nervous breakdown from which I have been pulling myself out of through therapy, medication, Atkins and exercise, and also with much support from my DH and DS. Today, I am strong. I am fitter than I have ever been, my relationships with my DH and my DS are wonderful, and I have gotten past my family and its superficial and materialistic being.

The past couple of months, I have had conversations with my Mom and my sister, and they are now obsessing on my niece. She is turning 12 this month and is quite overweight. They are calling her obese, criticising her parents for feeding her junk (all of this behind her back of course) and they feel they should do something to help her lose weight before it gets too bad. They want my help, since I just lost 60 pounds - they feel I can be a good role model to her and her parents.

I don't want to get involved in any way except to be there for my niece if and when she wants me - she knows I love her and I know she loves and looks up to me. When I was fatter, I didn't need people to tell me I was. I knew. Her parents are fat - they know. They don't need me or god forbid my Mom telling them so.

Help - should I get involved before the wrong people get involved and do more damage than good, or should I just back off unless my niece herself approaches me?

I'm avoiding the phone so I don't have to deal with this...
thanks in advance,
Laura

I can so relate about the family. My parents havent seen my little girl in 2 years and my one brother and sister have never met her.
But anyway I would just let her know, you have been in her shoes and let her know that when she is ready you can be a great person for advise, help, or a shoulder

Yes, I would bypass all the troublesome areas and maybe get in touch directly with your niece?
I understand the reluctance to open up a "can of worms," yet at the same time I know what it would have meant to me for someone to throw me a lifeline at this age.
I hope you can open a dialogue with your niece. And trust me...if she knows she has a weight problem, she knows her parents might have other problems too. You might not be the only one aware of it. She might need you and your perspective.
Good luck!

My mother did that to me for a time being...and it definitely left me with self-esteem issues. By the time I was 15 I was not eating so I could lose weight...which I did...and then I when I went back to eating...started to purge thinking that was the way to stay slim. Needless to say it took a toll on my health. I finally realized after a friend of mine almost died from Anorexia that I wanted to live and be healthy.

PLEASE never criticize a child for her weight...help her...give her the encouragement to lose weight. Give her the advice or have her join a support group...be there for her and perhaps talk to her family so that they can start buying and feeding her the right foods...support is the way to go...