I cheated again last night - after my husband went to bed I pulled out a bag of cookies I had purchased (unbeknownst to him) and ate most (10) of them along with some 1% milk. Oh, how I enjoyed that, however briefly. Unfortunately, the perverse pleasure I got in eating secretly last night is the same pleasure I had when I was a teenager and hid the food I ate from my mother. Too bad some things don't change. My husband is rail thin and doesn't understand my obsession with food other than thinking I need to control my carb intake in order to lose weight and that's it. Unfortunately, knowing something and actually being able to do it day in and day out has not been sufficient impetus to keep me from straying off the plan.

So last night (after the binge) I got to thinking. One of my main problems is that I have low frustration tolerance. If something doesn't come easily then most times I don't have the motivation to slog away at it until it's done (at least where my physical health is concerned). More often than not I just feel too mentally exhausted to take anything but the path of least resistance. Also, when I want something I want it now and feel petulant if I can't have it (though I do try to hide it!). (In fact, didn't someone (A. Ellis, maybe?) once say that becoming addicted to a substance at a young age causes arrested development at the age at which a person becomes addicted?)

My other problem (and my husband's) is that we both say to me "You shouldn't eat that. Period." I have a problem with "shoulds" because when I do something I "shouldn't" it only makes me feel ashamed and guilty and even more likely to cheat. Perhaps instead I should say to myself, "Go ahead and eat that if you want to but that decision has consequences."

Another problem: excuses. My baby was born in February, in the middle of winter here in the Northeast. So I wasn't able to get out and get much exercise because of the snow. Now that summer is here (the spring seems to have passed us by) it's really hot and humid which makes me very grumpy. I hate to go outside unless it is cool. Even so, last night I was thinking about getting a gym membership at the YMCA, which is about four blocks from here, but the fact that it's four blocks downhill going there but four blocks uphill coming back made me think twice!! Yes, that's how far gone I am. Then I thought "And when the sidewalks are icy I'm terrified of slipping and falling (which happens a few times a year), so on icy days I won't be able to go on those days, so maybe it would be a waste of money to buy a membership." And also, it's too much money. And on and on and on with other valid reasons I "shouldn't" join. And then feeling guilty because I'm making excuses, even to myself. And then feeling like "what the hell, I'm just someone who makes excuses so she doesn't have to do the hard work, so why bother even trying?" My point is that it isn't useful for me even to say I'm making excuses because that has a negative connotation rather than a neutral one, which will only lead me to overeat. Better to say, "Yes, there are many inconveniences in getting a membership at the Y, but many positive ones, also. You decide."

Another problem: "awfulizing" the consequences of my actions. Like being "terrified" that I'll slip and fall instead of "wary", for instance. The reality is that if I fall on an icy sidewalk it might hurt a little but I'll survive. And there are things I can do to mitigate the danger - like walking in the middle of the street. And if I get overheated and curse my way down the street as I head for the gym, I won't enjoy it but at least I will make it to the gym. The bottom line is that circumstances don't have to be perfect (or perfectly pleasant) in order to get things done, and I just need to keep reminding myself (day by day, hour by hour) that there is a bigger reward when you overcome obstacles than there is in standing still and being afraid. Maybe not immediately, but the payoff will be there eventually. And that the easy way out or the path of least resistance isn't always the best path to take, no matter how tempting it is.

So this morning I got up, put the baby in the stroller and walked down to take a tour of the Y's facilities. Not sure if I'll join yet, but I'm leaning towards it. It has a nice pool, tennis courts and a good cardio area. Then we went to the grocery store where I bought meat, cheese, eggs and vegetables.

As far as the rest of the day goes, so far so good.

Jules

Hey Jules - welcome to the forum! You sound like you might be someone who needs to take baby steps instead of just jumping into the program. That's ok - it'll work. Maybe focus on one thing at a time like either giving up white flour and sugar products, or exercising. I go to my Y almost every day and either lift weights or run/walk on the treadmill. They have babysitting facillities (your baby is probably old enough for that by now). Don't worry too much about the cookie thing - we all do it to some extent. Just realize, and this is TOTALLY true, that the longet you eat lc, the easier it is. One thing that works for me is to constantly read, and re-read all the lc books out there, and there are a lot. They are very motivating. I think I have them all! And again. don't worry about the binges. Your desire to do so will decrease over time.Also remember - you're a new Mom and an infant is a ton of work. If a couple of cookies is what you need, go for it!
Diane.

Have you thought about buying a treadmill or home gym equipment instead of joining the gym? You can find really good bargains in the paper from people who purchase the equipment and then never use it. I have a treadmill at home and while I don't use it as much as I should, I do use it. I live in the country and have a milloin excuses for not going to the gym so this option was perfect for me.

You've made the most important step by writing everything down and facing your demons full on!

Instead of thinking how things will be a year or 6 months from now try taking things one day or one week at a time - today/this week I'll join the gym, today/this week I'm going to stick to my eating plan and get to the gym - once this gets in your head the binges and cravings should subside.

Think about it - just by walking to the gym to have a look around you've got your exercise in already

wow....all i can say is that your a very brave person
you know what your problems are and are now ready to face them. I wish i had that type of strength or confidence.
I totally relate to every single problem you've listed and i bet everyone does too.
When i know i shouldnt eat something....i eventually do because i cant fight it. I just then think....my body deserves it, its been so deprived. But then i just feel guilty. I sometimes prevent that by keeping myself busy or surrounding myself with atkins-friendly, easy to eat food instead of high carb bingng snack.
Im the biggest procrastinator!!!! I have an elliptcal machine at home and i barely use it!!! i used to go on it for at least an hour a day but now i cant even go past an hour a week!!! But when i do, i just stnad there looking at the machine thinking if i should or shouldnt exercise. "It'll get me so exhausted, but its good for me. It will take up my time, but what else am i going to do with my time? eat?" I just think this to myself. So, dont stress!!! we all procrastinate about exercising!!!
Just stay strong and keep your hopes up!!! Feel more confident about your lifestyle and enjoy!!

Hi jules,
Can I be brutely honest? I don't think the time is exactly right for you, don't get me wrong you are going to be there in a matter of weeks, but it's not yet. The only reason I know is that everything you have written was me 3 months ago. I swear down to the letter, only you have been brave enough to admit it, and by doing that you have realised that you are only fooling yourself no-one else. I started reading LC and doing research 3 months ago but didn't mention to anyone in my family about it coz I actually felt that I wouldn't end up doing it anyway. I would sit and watch TV while my partner exercised in the next room, we used to do it together until I gave up yet again, I found excuses, and then the guilt caused me to eat more when he was in the other room, I even used to go into the kitchen and not put the light on so I wasn't seen!!!
Do you see where I'm going?
Point being that a month after first thinking about LC I seriously started, everything was different in my head. I had done the research had bought the food in and really planned it. I still only told my partner and kids what I was doing. I have taken it one day at a time but have never cheated (I hate that word) and I feel fantastic.
After my first 10 pounds I told my in-laws and parents and a few close friends. Now I have lost 20 pounds and have got 2 friends doing it and am waiting to get the book back from my in-laws so I can lend it out again. And don't worry about the exercise at first, give yourself a couple of weeks to get used to the WOE alone then the exercise will come. I didn't start exercising till week 4 and I hated exercise but because you can see the difference it makes it spurs you on, honest.
I don't know how this is coming across but I ment it to be helpful and to let you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel just that I think your light will be switched on in a week or two, and don't try to force it.

Good luck and come and shout at me in my journal if I have been out of order, or got it completely wrong, Hev.