Hey all,
I haven't been much on the forum lately as I've been entertaining my fiance's family who is down for 2 1/2 weeks. My fiance's mother is a big cook, of course, and does somewhat low carb..but she does the general way of low carbing. Someone who really doesnt understand the WOE because she hasnt read the book and she basically just cuts out sugar, pasta and potatoe like foods (which I think is great). Well to make a long story short, lately I've been feeling pretty bad because, oh and I forgot to mention, my fiance's brother is a "chef" who doesnt low carb.. Well lately I've been feeling kind of bad because wherever we go, my diet is always a big issue. I was trying at first to keep it undercover, as I knew It would become an issue but the cat was let out of the bag. What I mean is that when were having a meal, concentration is on me and things are changed/made special just for my diet. I told his brother to just make things like he normally does because I didnt want to be a nusiance, but he stil doesnt. I know its nice of them to want to make special stuff for me, but I'd rather they not. I feel like they are constantly asking me, "Oh Brittany, can you eat this?" His brother might be talking about a really good recipe he wants to make for everyone and then I hear,"Oh, well its not low carb, Brittany wont be able to eat it." I told them Id bring a Wendys salad or whatever to dinner when I knew there might be nothing for me to eat. Another thing, like last night, my fiance's mother broke open a bottle of wine and asked me, "Come on Brittany, just a little". Its so hard to get family, friends, whoever to understand that when you eat like this, a little slip her and there just doesnt work. I feel bad when I say no thank you or dont eat a homecooked meal by his mom or brother. I feel like I'm being rude or something. My father said I should let down my "low carb guard" and just try as much as I can to stick to my diet, even if it means slipping a little. Maybe I'm just self centered or what, I dont know, but do I really need to let my guard down just for politeness when its jeaopardizing my WOE and success. I feel like sometimes I am only thinking about myself and I feel really guilty. What do you guys think? Have you guys had to deal with similar situations?

Wow, thank goodness there are no really good cooks/chefs in my family. I must be really lucky, because my family dinners at the inlaws are always based on a major meat (roast/port roast/ham/turkey), and I just pick and choose. I think they just care and want you to succeed, and are willing to help you anyway possible. Don't let it bother you at least they aren't making high carb meals and then berating you for not eating them, and insulting the cook.

My mother-in-law is great, she had taken to making me my own salad, over the last few dinner's this has grown to a salad for everyone else in the family as well.

Oh yeah, and I think that wine is allowed after induction, I think a glass would be okay, doesn't it have less than 6 carbs per serving or something like that.

I really don't feel it's being rude at all. You OFFERED to accomodate yourself and haven't been pushing or complaining.

Even though you don't have much to lose, and are already "normal" sized, you're entitled to the same consideration I am when it comes to what you choose to eat. If they make it an issue after you've already given them an "out" they're either bending over backwards to make it easier, or they're trying to make it another type of issue...

As for the "c'mon, just a little bit", it's hard to say. People have emotional connections to celebrating with food, and some people just don't want to see anyone "left out" and can't understand anyone CHOOSING to be.

i had been on this for a week when we went for supper at my moms, who was having chilli and garlic bread and of course graham cracker marshmellow squars... i took a salad and a nice steak all cooked ...all throught supper everyone other then my g/f keep at me, come one one piece of bread wont hurt you, or one spoonful is good for you... you know those squares are your fav... until i finally stood up at table and said look i love you all but i cant eat those things, its my choose and if you feel you need this kind of food then that is also your choice but i am not choosing to eat it and would love for you all to understand and stand behind me or at least not keep at me to eat things i dont want....sat back down and ate... from then on they dont ask to me try something... they let me bring mystuff and leave me be with what i eat...

if they are not living this lifestye its hard for them to understand .... we choose not to eat those things... and we have to stand firm in our wol....in time those that love us will come to understand we are doing what is good for our health...

Britgrl,

Think of Low Carbing the same way as if you gave up smoking in a circle of friends and family who all still smoked.

Would you feel bad that you didn't smoke, and that they altered their bad habit to honor your more healthy lifestyle change.

They may make you feel that there is something wrong with you, or that you have "special problems" that they need to patronize. Let them know that you have changed to a more healthy lifestyle because you want to be healthier! Giving up processed, unnatural, sugary and starchy foods is nothing to be made ashamed of, even in the slightest way (by saying "awe, come on, a little wont hurt you", is like saying a little cigarette won't hurt someone who has quit a bad smoking habit).

Encourage them to give up the unhealthy, processed, unnatural, sugary and starchy food too, because you love them.

J.

Thanks everyone for their wonderful insights, suggestions, and comments. I have taken them to heart.

Last year at the inlaws... That was my time for the same situation. I even heard my father inlaw tell my dh's mom, "Oh no, Angel can just eat what we are." He's a stubborn man,lol. But I didn't. My dh had gone to the local market there and got me some "friendly" foods. I will be better prepared this year when we go visit.
Angel

My inlaws have been great ... my mother-in-law even is on Atkins now after seeing how good myself and my DH are doing on it.

My parents are another story. My mother is morbidly obese and my father's way to lose weight is to eat one meal a day. I convinced my mom to do Atkins. She was eating nothing but sugar substitute all day. I told her that she had to count all that Splenda and she gave up quickly (she more than anyone I know needs Atkins).

She tries to be good whenever she cooks while I'm there but ends up fixing stuff like corn pudding, etc. Not good. She knows what I can have (she read the book). I don't complain ... I just eat what I can (she also always fixes lots of veggies (like asparagus) and meat.

I let myself go over carbs when with family (since now that I have moved I don't see them much).

Sounds like your hubby's fam is cool with accomodating you ... that is just polite. How often do you see them?

LMAO I am in the exact opposite situation.

When I have my family over for dinner they expect me to make rice, potatoes and have bread.

When I dont I get yelled at and they say Just because you are on this diet doesnt mean that your guests are and they dont need to suffer.

I didnt know that making a roast with veggie sides and salad was considered 'suffering' lol

Families are just weird.

I think they are just trying to be helpful.

My biggest problem comes when I go to eat out with other people.

I get really uncomfortable, because I ask 101 questions and feel like it bothers everyone else on the table, and they all look at me like I am a nut.

If you were a vegetarian I dont think they would say something like let down your vegetarian guard for a while and eat some meat.

I think they just dont understand that this is for better health and see it more as a temporary diet, rather than a woe. Eventually they will probably understand. Its difficult for people who dont follow it and understand the reasoning behind it.

It sounds like you are doing great! keep it up!

Well, when people try to tempt you off your diet you might want to lecture them a bit. Tell them that cheating at the diet makes you WANT to cheat at the diet, so you just don't do it. Be firm, keep saying "no", eventually they'll get the idea.

It isn't rude to be on a diet, what is rude is people trying to coax you off of it. Its like pestering a recovering alcoholic to out drinking. Most people wouldn't think about doing that.

But its good that you offered to take care of your own needs. That's usually what I do. However, if they really wanted to cook for you, you could work with the cook on finding recipes that work. Some people enjoy the cooking challenge, they just need a little re-education because they don't think about how they cook all that much.

I know exactly how you feel, I go through the same stuff. However, my problems with food started way before low carb. I've been allergic to dairy for most of my adult life and you cant imagine how hard it is to go to a dinner party and not become the center of attention due to not being able to eat anything. Soooo much stuff is cooked in butter its not funny. Not only does the focus of every meal turn to you, but then occasionally a host/hostess gets upset that you cant eat what they made.. like my allergy was a personal insult or something.

Now its even worse with the low carb on top of the food allergy.. I try to just joke about it and say that I'm impossible to feed so it takes pressure off everyone. I'm happy with just about anything I can eat in those situations and will occasionally cheat to not make a big issue out of things, especially when they go out of their way to make something they think I can eat but they dont realize that honey glaze isnt low carb.

I think maybe I'll start a tradition of bringing a salad to dinners so I can always have something to eat.

I always take a big salad and a great bottle of dressing from a little gourmet shop. The salad always had nuts, bacon, cheese and lots of veggies so my husband and I can eat it as our entire meal if necessary.

It's funny. My husband went to visit his family, who he hadn't seen in nearly 16 years, and noticed how large they all had become. He doesn't LC, but as a family we had eliminated the potatoes, etc., from the pantry, so he knows the principles. He just finds it difficult, as he didn't grow up on fresh produce, and can't bring himself to have salads as a choice. He is also lactose intolerant, so cheese is out of the menu, too (unless he wants gastric distress, which he will opt for if he wants to eat a piece of pizza or lasagna).

Anyway (I was almost embarassed to have him do it), he told them how great I had been doing on Atkins. Of course, he hasn't seen the difference in the last few months, but he had seen the difference before he left.

Now, why was I embarassed? Well, firstly, I don't want to be held up like a "poster child" for LC WOE, and I don't want them mocking me if I fail. Secondly, I don't want to be thought of as "different", since I've had enough of a time fitting into the family as it is.

We, thankfully, won't be seeing them that frequently, because where we will be living is about six to eight hours' drive from them.

However, when we are there, I'm sure that I'll either have to bring my own "extras", or cope with incomplete meals. I know their main source of food stuff is carbs (potatoes, bread, split peas, etc.). By that time, I'll be able to have a little of those items, but I don't really want to do that daily. Thankfully, most stays (I hope) will be no more than a weekend.

So, I'm reading with interest the coping mechanisms that others use when it comes to non-LC family members, because I anticipate having to use them in the forseeable future.