Oh wow... this is going to be LONG!!
I don't think what my parents did caused issues with food, but I think it caused issues with them. I am sort of scared of going home at christmas, because every single time I fight with my mother about my weight. Now I have lost weight, and I don't know if she'll notice. If she does, I know she will be overjoyed. But you know what I think? Mum, I am GLAD I was overwieght, I didn't CARE, you did, and I am glad I was becuase now I will never ever forget that my worth to you is related to my size. Now, take me as an example of where you don't want to be with your daughter in 16 years time!!
I don't know your situation, and your daughter is only 4, but I would recommend the following - obviously some of these refer to later in the piece:
* Never, ever, differentiate between your children or your chld and their friends with food - never subtly give one child 'less' icecream etc.
* Keep things in perspective if you think your child is overweight. I have diaries from when I was young. The weight I was at and trying to diet was awful! I read them and get so upset now!! Does your daughter really need to lose weight? How much? How fast?
* Don't buy junk food. My mother has an obsession with 'looking food'. We can't eat it, except in quantities dictated by our relative goodness, but she will buy it for us to 'look at'.
* Don't buy diet food she can't have. 'The fish is for mummies special way of eating!'
*If she doesn't eat it, she won't get a taste for it. Ok - so 4 slices of toasts with jam is relatively bad. But what really bothers me is those kids that eat 'fruit loops' ( don't know if you have those in the US?) etc. I wasn't allowed it ever - and when my housmate bought some I was so amazed that I tried it (before LC). Oh, it was sooo soo so so awful!! Similarly, my mum worked in KFC as a teenager and had the typical aversoin to the stuff - so we never ever had. I have had their chicken pieces once - and it was so disgusting I couldn't eat it! Likewise my mum is allergic to corn so I never had it - I hate corn!! So, she is 4 now and some damage is done. But if you intervene now she may lose the taste for them... just don't be nazi, keeping with the not-differentiating thing she can eat it at someone elses house - but your not buying it!
I agree that if you ban it they'll want it. But on the same note, if you just ban the super-concentraded stuff, it'll be too much.
*Don't change things all at once. Oh, my mum's dumb diets and all of a sudden all the white bread is gone... God I hated us all being so inconvienced... gradually change. If she is eating sugar cereal and you want to end it, you buy a small box of it and a small box of something healthier... when the sugar runs out, well, she'll eat what is there!
* Don't take her grocery shopping with you if you don't have to. She can't ask and here the 'NO' if she isn't there to point.
* Don't use food as a reward.
* You are doing the right thing by committing to low-carbing, and I applaud you. 'Dieting' is bad for your children. I vividly remember a horror 6 months when I was 14 when my mother was on the 'jelly diet' and trying to con me to join her. I remember all my mum's diets and her cons to get me in to them, then she'd go off and regain the weight. But the fights!!! And the fact I learnt so young that it was so utterly hopeless anyway!
*Never link weight to what people think of you. Don't EVER say 'wouldn't you like to look nice for when you start school'? etc.
* Don't point out fat ppl she doesn't want to be like on TV etc.. it may seem to enforce the link between eating and fat, but it really teaches a disrespect for the overweight.. trust me, I see it in my brothers.
* At 4, you can get your daughter into exercise. Take her to the park and kick a ball with her. If you have time, something non-competive like Karate (maybe try GKR if you have it there as its all ages together - and you could do it with her) is good for very young children, and is pretty 'cool'.
* Sugarbusters for kid seems to be a very good diet.
* This is long so I'll stop. I am by no means definitive, just a bitter daughter! I hope some of this is useful!
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