Hi, all.....congratulations to everyone who scored a success in September. The fact that you're all here says you "won", and you're ready to win again. Good for you! You truly are all "winners"!!
I've thought long and hard about this "cheat" challenge thing, and I woke up this AM w/ the answer. It's amazing how one's mind can function when undisturbed....
You are all great people, every one of yuz, and I've enjoyed the camaraderie over the past month, and most of all I applaud Sally's diligent work in sheparding us toward the finish line.......
and I DID come down 2.2 pounds, which sorta feels like a "win".....
but........
this isn't for me, at least not right now. It made me too stressed, I felt as I used to feel in college on that 12-week rollercoaster of classes and lectures, papers and tests, the all-nighters, all leading up to the FINAL EXAM!
I started thinking about mid-month that I'd better starve a couple of days to "make it", or that I would have to haul out my diet pills, or "what the hell, I'm not gonna make it anyway".....all self-destructive behaviour on my part, not from anything any of you said or did, but coming only out of my own mind and personality.
It felt a lot like the old Weight Watcher days, too, w/ the stress associated w/ weighing in in front of everyone, and the temptation to skip breakfast before the meeting so I'd weigh an eighth of a pound less and the leader would smile at me for a change, and maybe (ooooohhhh!) give me a little piece of gold paper w/ five points on it. sheesh! It's toooo easy to slip back there, and it never helped me a bit. Not in the long run, anyway.
Also, I have a great deal of trouble w/ the concept of "cheat". I see up there that someone else used the term "splurged", and perhaps I could live w/ "splurge", but "cheat" is simply too negative for me to handle well. I want to maintain the concepts that I am improving, becoming healthier, winning and being a total success. If I hold the Sword of Damocles of "cheat" over my head each and every day it's going to slip and slice off my head, sure as heck!!
I'm one of those Type A "driver" peeps you've heard about....I am not the slightest bit concerned what others may thing, do or say, I have my convictions, and they truly do drive me. I know what's right and wrong, and I know when I've been wrong. It doesn't help at all to have someone applaud my efforts if in my heart of hearts I know I failed. I am driven by my own view of success and failure. This isn't a particularly admirable trait, but it's one I have identified as
mine .
I have to win, you see, or I won't play. To me, it matters how you play the game, but it also matters that you WIN! I will not put myself into a situation where the chances of winning are slim. I'm much better off over in my own corner, competing only w/ myself...I know, I know, there's no competition in these challenges, and everything, but it feels like competition to my gut and my gut gets all tied up in knots.....okay, so I'm nuts, but that's the way I feel.
So, I'm gonna stand here on the dock and throw serpentines and confetti at all you wonderful people as you steam away on the Good Ship Don't Cheat Til Hallowe'en, just like in the old movies. I shall think fondly of you all, sailing over the curve of the horizon, dancing till dawn to the orchestra, drinking (LC) champagne, enjoying the marvelous meals and and I'm going to firmly believe that you are all having the time of your lives.
This turned into a novel along the way, but I didn't want to just drop out of sight w/o any explanation. Sally has worked long and hard and I didn't want her to feel that she shoulda-coulda-woulda somehow....or any of you.....you know how that goes!
I will visit you in your journals, if I may, and I sincerely hope you come visit me, too, but I don't think I'll lurk here...I have SUCH a big mouth I just cannot keep it shut! Perhaps another time I'll feel strong enough to take on one of these challenges...ya never know!
Take care all, and the very best of LC luck to you, through this challenge and each and every one in your lives to come.