Tue, Jun-03-03, 08:18
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Princess Perseverant
Posts: 4,129
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Plan: general LC - pregnant
Stats: 250/157/157
BF:
Progress: 100%
Location: Jerusalem, Israel
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compulsive...
I've never been anorexic or bulemic, but I've been a compulsive eater for sure. I think if I didn't hate the feeling of vomiting so much I might have become bulemic, but I can't stand it - whenever I'm ill and know I'm going to vomit I delay as long as possible - even the sick feeling before that is better than the actual vomiting. Anyway, that aside - the truth is that having learned about low carbing I'm just not sure if I'm a compulsive eater for emotional reasons, or because of all the insulin running wild in my blood! I had plenty of reasons to eat emotionally - I was bullied at school, I also got way too much attention to my body at a young age - I was the only girl in class developing breasts at the age of 10 and the boys wouldn't leave me alone; groping, and on one memorable occasion turning on me and trying to get my dress off. This lasted 2 years until I left the school, and I know it's left me with a lot of issues and ambivalence about my body. I think getting fat may have been a way of making myself less attractive so that they'd leave me alone. Of course that's a double edged sword, because of course part of me did want normal romantic attention! Another part of my overeating was to do with my family I think - they were always going on at me about losing weight and not eating, and being denied food all the time used to make me so angry I would eat more to spite them. Read Geneen Roth's book When Food is Love - it talks about how children associate food with love and nurturing, so being denied it can feel like you're being denied love. I used to eat so much it was awful, and I hid it all from my family. This was as a child and teenager. Once I got a bit older I didn't binge as much as I used to - but then I was also over 200 lbs - and I did still eat way too much, all the time, and one bar of chocolate would quickly lead to five more. All that said - once I started low carbing, all the overeating has gone away entirely, and so has the urge to do it. Of course I would love to be able to eat chocolate, crisps, pasta etc, but I'm not sitting here resisting cravings at all. I don't even miss them that much except when I am with people who are eating them and I have to hold back. So I really don't know - was any of my overeating because of emotional issues, or was it just a physical thing that ended up being tangled with emotional issues? That whole 'you overeat because you've got emotional problems etc' - I'm just not convinced anymore, for myself. I know that anorexia and bulemia are different diseases so I'd be curious to know whether low carbing helps with them, as I know anorexia for example is more about control and distorted body image. But for me - the emotional issues might still be there but they don't seem to be connected with food anymore. It's actually very confusing.
Deborah
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