You have every reason and right and indeed
obligation to ask "what about me?" Everything in your life should be geared toward making you the best, most joyous Paul you can be.
Have you hunted for a therapist? I found a terrific one last year and wish you equivalent luck in finding one that fits you.
I also got a lot out of reading "Codependent no More" and some related books. As an educator, like most people in "helping" fields, I've been wayyyyyyy too involved, in unhealthy (for me) and ultimately unhelpful (for them) ways. I'm learning to separate my stuff from their stuff, which ends up being more respectful for all of us.
Does all this help the weight issue? Yup. In my case, it helps me understand my dress size is utterly unimportant to who I am, and that the "trick" (though it's not much of a trick!) is to believe I deserve. If I deserve to be treated well, then I deserve to treat
myself well with appropriate exercise, healthy foods, lots of water, enough rest, and saying "no" and "that's enough" a lot more.
HTH! Hang in there.