Isn't it funny how the 3 of us could just happen to come together through this diet, and have so much in common, its a small world after all.
I think it is funny, you know I worked in a flower shop when I was younger, so now I do the casket sprays and funeral wreaths and all that too. We would be good together girls. Kind of morbid to be in this line of work, but as my husband says " people are just dying for his caskets" Thats an awful thing to say!!!
Jane, The pizza sounds good, will have to try it. I am trying to leave the sodas alone, it is hard to do. I love my diet pepsi. I had a diet 7 up yesterday, no caffiene, I think that is what I am addicted to.
I would love to see the jewelery that you are making, Renee. I bet it is beautiful. I used to go to Riudoso New Mexico all the time to race horses.
We went to Milam one time and I bought some real pretty silver indian jewelery. I brought it back here and sold it, I bought 4 thousand dollars worth and sold it for 8 thousand. I need to go back and get more. It is really popular around here. A good way to make some money. My best friend is a hairdresser and has a shop in town, she lets me display it there and when people get all fixed up, then they want some pretty new silver. Works for me. Of course I have a few pieces I could not part with.
That stone jewelery is popular too. It sells pretty good too, do you sell it Renee, or just make it for fun?
Well it is raining here finally we need it badly, it is as dry as a bone.
I am glad though that it waited until today, I spent yesterday with my kids, we went for a walk and swam, we had a lot of fun. We rented movies and just had a great day. I am sure going to miss them. Its only for a month, but it is so quite around here without them.
Guess I better go now, need to do some laundry so I can pack the boys clothes and get them ready to go... Talk to you girls later. Melameter

Melanie,

When I first got into the biz I too thought it was a little morbid, but I quickly realized that I am truely in a position to help people in a very personal way. People die, it's a part of life. We can't change that, but we can comfort those who are left behind and allow them to show the world what the deceased stood for and what they meant to them. Giving them a medium for that expression helps them work through their grief and results in a piece of art that represents the life of their loved one. That "expression" will be in the cemetery for centuries to come.

I love my job and can't think of a more rewarding career.

We have formed long lasting and meaningful relationships with many of our former customers. I can't tell you how many times a widow or widower has called me crying about how beautiful their Monument is and how much they know their wife/husband would have loved it.

I just don't think I could find that type of connection with my customers in any other field.

Having worked closely within the industry I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. There are rewards and opportunities to make a difference in lives on so many levels. It's sad that there are so many stigmas attached to it.

Oh well enough of that. Sorry if I got a little preachy. I guess it's pretty obvious that I take my work rather seriously...lol.

As for the jewlery, I've never sold it. I usually make it for my own personal use, or to give as gifts. It's more of a release and relaxation than anything else though. I just need to make something every so often or I get edgy.

I used to paint ceramics, and even made plastercrafts for a short time. I love crocheting and have probably made atleast one bedspread for every family member extending to my sisters kids and of course my grandbabies. I have quilted, painted, drawn, needlepointed, machromaid [I know that's spelled wrong] the list goes on...lol. The jewlery seems to be the best for me though because it incorporates my love of stone and allows me to own, or give as a gift, something that I couldn't afford if I had to buy it.

Talk about writting a book...lol. I guess I better close here.

Later,

Renee'

Jane,

Thanks for the Pizza recipie. I can't wait to try it. I bought the stuff to make the pancakes and hope to use your recipie soon, It sounds great.

What type of things do you sculpt? Do you always use clay? I've often wanted to try wood but have never given it a try. I would love to see some of your work, I bet it's wonderful.

Do your children have an artistic interest? I think that sort of "bug" is often born into someone and passed from generation to generation.

Our youngest Joseph makes knives and swords and etches granite among other things. Our middle child Jonathan and our oldest Mandy both draw wonderfully but I don't think either of them will ever take it any further. Joseph however may. He seems driven by it.

I have wonderful memories of crafting with my mother. She makes baby dolls now.

Later,

Renee'

I am like you Renee, I enjoy what I do as far as helping people in their time of need. We dont really hear from the people afterwards to often. But it feels good to have helped them. We dont charge a lot for a casket so we get orders from alot of people who could not afford it otherwise.
I bet those bedspreads are pretty, I crochet alot myself, I love to make baby blankets for all my friends and family. I love that soft thread.
It really soothes my nerves.
This is going to be a really hard day for me, I can already tell, it is raining, so I can't get outside and work in the yard. All the family is gathered around watching television, and eating!!!!
I am really hungry for something sweet, had a mock danish with liquid sweetner to try to save on carbs. I guess I need to eat some meat and forget about it. My son had a Nutty Buddy ice cream a little while ago, and I thought I might could have wrestled him for it.
I need to find something to do, I am having a really hard time resisting today for some reason.
I love the rain, we need it bad. But it makes me feel like, well EATING!!!
I need a snack that is safe. I think I will try to make some low carb chili and put cheese in it, that sounds good.
My son is setting here and he says Mom quit begging for food over the internet, people are going to think you are starving.Ha Ha Ha....
Well, I may be back for (supper) I mean support, I am feeling weak. I am going to fix the chili and see how it turns out. Will talk to you guys later.

Melanie,

I know what you mean about the weather, rainy days make me very sluggish. I could sleep them away with no problem at all. When I'm tired I have a harder time resisting temptation.

I know I shouldn't but I think I would have a cup of coffee to help wake me up and find something [craft perhaps] to keep my hands busy. Listening to my fav cd would distract my mind, and could be done while my hands were busy. If all else failed a little exercise is always a last resort..lol I told you I'm a couch potato.
[but I do love weight training] A ride to the nearest department store for a walk indoors maybe?

Other distractions:

1] Curl up in bed with a good book

2] Write a short story for your children about someone overcoming a desire to do something they shouldn't

3] Pull out skinny clothes and see how many of them are almost within the realm of reality if you stick to your guns

4] Pull out pics of a skinnier time and compare them to your heaviest

5] Pray

6] Go out to your work shop and organize your stuff

7] Search the net for Haseldon inspiration stuff [this is a company who publishes books for OA and other 12 step groups] I'm sure there are more names but this is the only one I'm familiar with.

8] Take a long bath w/candles...the whole 9 yards, and give yourself a facial and paint every nail in site...lol

9] If you have dogs, give them baths [if you are like me they need it anyway...lol]

10] And throughout your whole day know that your friends here are thinking about you and sending you well wishes.

((((((((((((((((Melanie))))))))))))))))))
In case you don't know that is a cyber hug. The best thing about a cyber hug is that you get it over and over, every time you look at it!!



Good luck Melanie. I know you can do it, now just prove it to yourself!!!!

Later,

Renee'

I made some chili, it was good, I put some cheese in it. I read in my Atkins book awhile. Folded some laundry. I am really full now, and maybe will make it. I really appreciate all your ideas Renee, I do need to bathe my pooch, and then maybe like you said a long soak for me, and maybe a walk. It has stopped raining, it is really muddy though, (dirt road). I am feeling better after eating.
I am just getting a little tired of same old thing. I used to live on junk food, ice cream, cookies, chips, cokes. I know that it is not good for me, but I still miss my oreos and big glass of milk. I am going to try my very hardest not to get into those habits again. You know it is really effecting me, not to have my diet pepsi, I guess I am addicted to the caffiene, I miss them alot and am having a really hard time not drinking one.
I am really glad that maybe by the time winter is here, I will have lost the weight and be able to have more carbs, because it is hard for me to be cooped up inside and not eat.
It really helps to have friends to talk to. I really thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the time you put into helping me.
I will make it, and so will you. I just know it.
And thanks so much for the cyber hug.....
Heres one for you...
((((((((((((Renee))))))))))))))
I am going to take your advise and have a long bubble bath, and then a facial, and the whole nine yards. And a walk with my son, (only have one of them tonight, my youngest is spending the night with his granny) I am going to be okay now. It is also my TOM, and I always get a little messed up, hormones I guess.
My son just had a wonderful suggestion, he has a new card game called boomo, he says we could figure out how to play it. Marvelous idea, and then I'll soak...........
Thanks again Renee, I needed the encouragement.
(my son wants to know who TOM is?????? Oh my God)
He is 13 maybe time to tell him.....
Later.... Melameter

hey girls:
tom is the culprit, girls. it makes you crave like crazy. i've been going thru it for days. i finally bought a big bag of almonds (with skins on) and nibble on just a few when i get cravings. its the best of all the evils. my daughter sam makes these chocolates too that kind of help except you can over do them to.
after gerry's in bed it's pretty quiet when the kids are all out. and then the craving monster attacks. that's when i get on the internet. it helps to talk to you girls.
renee' i'd love to see your jewellry. i personally don't wear much but i particularly like earrings. especially odd earrings that are meant to go together. they are hard to find. sometimes i will buy to odd earrings that are similar in a part. hard to explain. i probably sound weird to you.
my sculptures are about relationships. mothers and daughters has been a theme since my mom died. i also do raqu angels but not very often cause you have to know someone who's doing a raqu firing (put sculpture in a hole in the ground with leaves or sawdust and cover with earth the smother...they come out with incredible metallic colours and faces and hands are black)
anyway, i also have done couples falling in love, father's out with sons, nativities where mary is asleep and joseph is holding jesus. lots of contraversy over that one. tried painting but find clay my best outlet.
my kids are fairly creative. aaron can draw incredibley but never does any more. he's also a comic. jess is not too crafty or artistic must be from the daniel side. sam is kind of crafty. an incredible creative cook. makes up recipes all the time. marnie (foster daughter) most like me, paints, acts, sings, models. she's in a molson commercial. nice move for her career but she says i act so that i can paint, thats her passion. actually, my kids are very gifted in relationships. sam with problem children .... she's amazing and wants to open her own alternative school eventually. jess with handicapped children....she often can get them to reach a higher potential. and aaron has a way with troubled youth and is taking a councelling course in the fall. our pastor wants to train him for helping kids in trouble. kids respond easily to him in fact he and nadine invited a lot of kids to their wedding cause they have a relationship with so many.
kind of ironic that i sculpt relationships and my kids live it. hhmmm.

i'm rooting for you girls to keep that old carb monster at bay. we're in this together. your can beat those cravings . lets put all these creative minds together and come up with some more ideas. renee' gave us a good start.

here's a big hug for each of you.
later, girls,
jane

You are right, we are in this together, and we can do it!!!!
I feel alot better now. It has been a hard day for me. One of the hardest yet. 2 months now I have not cheated at all. I did not today, but I had to try hard not to. I think like you said it is tom that causes it. And this dreary day has not helped. I went and walked this evening, it rained on me all the way. It just has not been my day. I will go to bed and wake up in a better frame of mind tomorrow.
Your sculpting sounds really neat. I bet you have alot of fun doing that kind of work. It sounds interesting. And your kids all seem very talented too. I think it takes a special person to help a child, wonderful. The world would be a better place if all people were like that instead of the awful people who abduct kids from their homes and such. It takes a really sick mind to hurt a child. I know that if anyone ever hurt one of mine, I would die, or they would, dont know which. Ya'll know what I mean, I would never hurt anyone, but it would devastate me for anything to happen to one of my kids.
Well, buds I want to thank you both for helping me get through this day. It has been a big help to log on and see that I am not alone. THANKS!!!
I am going to make it now. I ate more today than I normally do, trying to get past the cravings, but at least it was stuff that was okay. If I would have had a banana split around I would have been in the confession forum right now...
Better day ahead...... Melameter

hi melanie:
i'm really proud of you. you didn't cheat and that's a real accomplishment. i wish i could say the same. i've been through 3 toms since i started this diet and i've never had such strong cravings. i think it might be because of the wedding. i did eat cake and some potatoe. and there were munchies like fruit etc and there was left over food in the house and i got into it. yes i'm ashamed but i'm back on track. tom is on the way out and with your help i will go through withdrawal again and not go off again.
your problem with strong cravings maybe cafine withdrawal. cafine elevates insulin which makes us crave carbs. hmmmm. so many could bes.
just got back from taking gerry home and tomorrow is canada day so i'll be out celebrating with friends. first to the gym, then to a friends for the day, then to the park for fireworks. maybe we should have a picnic in the park tomorrow that would be fun!
i haven't been on a picnic in years. sounds like a plan. hope the others want to go. it's supposed to be hot tomorrow so i don't know how long i'll last. i get heat stroke very easily. i'm game though.
back at you tomorrow sometime.
jane

Melanie & Jane,

I'm proud of you Melanie, for resisting temptation and hope you are too!!!

Girls,

In the hospital we were taught to plan for temptation. In other words make a list of different ways to distract yourself from what ever is tempting you. Of course we were also told to try and figure out what was causing the temptation, this is the hard part. There is almost always an emotional reason for the problem.

1] Are you feeling isolated?
2] Are you feeling guilty?
3] Are you feeling unloved?

and on and on.....

Since I always had a problem identifying my "trigger" I'm affraid that I may be of little help in this respect.

The whole premis here is that we eat out of emotional need and or in order to cover less than desirable feelings. While I most assuridly agree that this is a very sound theory, I do have a problem using the info to my benifit. However, having said that,
I did want to give you the chance to use it if you could. I know for a fact that it was tremendously helpful for many who were hospitalized with me.

There are tons of very good information available to help people with "food issues". While most of it is geared towards eating disorders I still feel it could be very helpful to anyone in our position, disorder or not. I have mentioned Haseldon only because I am familiar with their publications, there are more like them I am sure.

Also all 12 step groups are free to the public and free of charge.
I very highly recommend them to anyone who is open to that sort of thing, while I understand that there are many who are not.

Hormones do in fact trigger many people to crave, as does weather. It's a good idea to sit down and make a list of the things that trigger you and then make a list of things you can do to counter those cravings. Keep it as real as possible, don't list things you know you won't do, concentrate on the things you really think could help. Keep your lists handy and work through them when you need to.

The most helpful thing on my list, singing through tapes of Bonny Rait, might be something that could trigger someone else. Everyone is different, find what works for you.

God I hope you don't see me as a know it all now. I'm sorry if it looks like it. I just want to give you as much amunition as I possibly can. This is a war, and we have to win. Somewhat dramatic I know, but true just the same.

((((((((((((Melanie))))))))))))))) thanks for my hug

((((((((((((Jane)))))))))))))))

Renee'

Renee...
I dont see you as a know it all, I appreciate ever thought that you have. It really helps me. All day yesterday, when I was having a hard time, I thought of my buddies on the internet and felt I could not cheat because somehow I would be letting ya'll down. Weird huh?
I think it is great to share your thoughts with Jane and I, and I am sure Jane feels the same.
I think Jane may be right about the soda. I have had a hard time leaving it alone. That may be what I am craving.
And as far as emotional issues, I am a little torn about the kids leaving. I feel like I am going to miss them, but yet can't wait for them to go.... I am looking forward to my free time, and feel a little guilty for that. I am going to enjoy some things, I dont normally take time to do, while they are gone. The kids are looking forward to their visit with their dad, but he is living with his sister right now, who has no kids, and does not really care for kids, so of course my kids are not looking forward to staying there. They wish their dad was anywhere besides at her house. So that makes me feel bad. The last time the boys stayed with her, Levi, my oldest, called me and said if you dont come and get me, I am going to walk home. It is 2 hours away, so ya'll can imagine my mixed feelings.
Of course their dad wants them to come, I am going to stop worrying about it, it is high time he had to do some worrying.
Jane... I hope you enjoy your outing today, it sounds like great fun to go have a picnic. I appreciate your help getting through yesterday too, and will be glad to help you thru your rough days too. I know whatever it is, tom or the sodas are the emotions, it is hard to get past it. I did like Renee suggested yesterday, and took a long soak in the tub, put egg whites on my face, my skin is glowing and soft, took care of my nails everything, when the boys dad sees me, he may want to get married again!!!! This time I will say NO!!!
Ha Ha Ha..... I do feel better, I want to lose weight really bad. I did buy some new shorts the other day and bought a size smaller, yipee.
We can do this girls, it just takes a little willpower which can be hard to drum up sometimes but with wonderful support like we have, we can do it!!
I have to go pack up the boys things and get them ready, I will be gone all day tomorrow. Have to meet the kids dad in Lampassas, and then go help the neighbors ship their cattle. Will probably talk to ya'll later today..... Mel

hi girls,
just a quick note to say that i do appreciate all that you know and don't feel bad for knowing stuff that will help others. we all have a little knowledge that will be of use and i want to know for sure that you won't with hold anything that might help. i feel so much better knowing that there are two wonderful people out there who are willing to shore me up when i need it. i do have some emotional issues to deal with and i'll share more this evening when i get home.
i'm off to simcoe with my friend to take her son to camp for the summer. now there's a girl that has no guilt about getting rid of her son so she can have some quality time with herself and her husband. she was whoohooing over the phone when she was asking me to go with her for the company.
later girls,
jane

I think after the day I have had with my kids, I am going to be woooooohoooohing too. They have been a pain in my behind. My oldest,Levi is 13 and younger brother,Colton is 10. Colton is jealous of anything Levi does. It gets so tiring. Levi is old enough to do alot of things Colton is not able to do , so the fight is on. They are going to fight over who gets front seat on the way to Lampassas in the morning, so I have decided they can both sit in the back. I suggested that halfway I could pull over and they could switch, so then they fight over who goes in the front first I suggested flipping a coin, and then someone is cheating, ohhh you cant win for losing.
I am going to enjoy the break. I just thought I was going to miss them....... (kidding)
Well, Jane did you enjoy your outing? Looks like you have had a busy day. I have cleaned house all day. I have tile floors throughout my whole house, and it is a job to mop them. Got lots of exercise.We have had a terrible time with grasshoppers, they get in the house and make a tremendous mess, and they stink. They spit this awful looking stuff, looks like tobacco. Have it looking and exspecially smelling nice. Glad I am through.
I am not looking forward to the cattle working tomorrow neither. My neighbors, but we all have to help each other out, have to scratch their back, so they will scratch mine, you know how it is...
He wants me to cut his hair too, so I guess I will. They are going to cook two goats, and feed everybody after we get the cattle done. I dont care for goat, to much, it is to greasy.
Well, think I will go walk now, will log on in awhile and chat back at you Jane.... Mel

hi mel,
i had a great day. i went for coffee with my friend claire, then i kept my other friend ruth company while she drove he son to camp trillium (special camp for cancer patients and their siblings) he's a councellor in training. his older brother is a survivor. had leukemia at 5.... he's now 23. he's a walking miracle.
then i went to the park with claire and her family for a picnic and to watch the fireworks. it was beautiful.
my daughter jess had cleaned my kitchen for me while i was out. i didn't even ask her to. what a sweetheart she can be.
as for emotional reasons for eating.....i have tons of reasons. sexual abuse as a child, moving all the time (no stability or roots), rape, jilted at the alter, alcoholism, married to emotional abuser and controll freak for 25 years. not to mention low self esteme from learning disabilities. although i've worked through a lot of these things, i still think a large reason for eating is addiction to carbs. i believe the addictive nature comes from feeling out of control. i know that sounds simplistic but having worked through a lot of emotional problems, i honestly believe addictions, although partly hereditary, get trigger by emotional trauma. its a form of escape from the trauma. i could be wrong but so far the theory seems to make sense for my life.
i am very happy now. i have wonderful friend, family, community, home etc.
now i'm getting a handle on my carb addiction. if i stay away from carbs, like i stay away from alcohol, i can control my addiction. carbs are poison....alcohol is poison....to me.
so much for the story of my life. now i'm praying for the grace and mercy of God to give me another 52 years to do it right!!!
i'm tired tonight.
enjoy your time off from your kids. and don't worry if their having a good time or not. you have a good time. don't ruin your time off by worrying and fretting and feeling guilty because you are happy to have a break.
parents deserve time off. we make enormous sacrifices for our kids and can not afford to burn out.
i'm off to bed

goodnight,
jane
ps. i love having you girls as friends. thanks.

Jane,
I've heard it said that all eating disorders stem from some type of sexual abuse. [although this is a controversial train of thought] I myself have been abused and am proud to hear how much you've worked through. Unless you've been through it you really have no understanding of the type of self esteem issues we face due to our pasts.

Theories abound, but the one that I believe most is that we use fat as a barrier, like a shield from any further abuse and we use food as a comfort and, at the same time, as a means to punish ourselves. The more we eat the larger our barrier, but the more lothsome we feel because of it. We already feel undeserving of love and the fat, and societies reaction to it, simply reinforces that untrue feeling. The human mind can do wonderful things, but is also capable of self tourture.

Addictions are all the same. Heroine, alchohol, cocain, food it doesn't matter, these are all just objects of addiction. The object of anyones addiction is NOT the issue. The true issue is what the object is covering. Once we get to the bottom of the true issue and begin to deal with it, the addiction becomes managable. This does not mean that we are cured however. Once you become addicted you will be, to some degree, for the rest of your life. The trick is to learn how to treat yourself better, without guilt, and keep it up. But first you have to KNOW that you deserve it.

It sounds like you have gotten to the point where you KNOW you deserve to be happy and have made quite a lot of headway in that area. Have you had counceling? If not you are one smart lady to have figured so much out by yourself. Most people can't see these things until they are pointed out to them, and some refuse to see it even when they are.

It's also pretty typical for us to hook up with an abusive and or addicted husband. We feel more comfortable with what we know and it's just too easy to allow someone else to treat us the way our messed up minds tell us we deserve to be treated. Thank God I avoided that. It's only by chance I must admit, or the grace of God.

I married a man I met while working as a waitress in a bar. He came in every night and stayed until closing. I was smitten before I realized that the only reason he was a regular was because I was working there. My warped mind had felt he was safe, thinking he was a heavy drinker. He will have a drink for social occasions but is basically not a drinker at all...lol.

I think you could really get a lot out of OA, AA or ALANON. You would be shocked by how many people could tell YOUR story verbatem, because it's also theirs. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you are not the only one.

Later,

Renee'