Me too. I wore lots of oversized clothes in the popular "if it isn't tight it will hide me" school of fashion. I also would complain about how small the extra-large clothes were, especially in sportswear. I ranged from 16,18 to 1x, but thought I looked "okay". I hated my "puffy" (FAT) face, but thought that was the way I'd always look. A bad medical test forced me to
"just try" something different, and the rest is history.
I also still don't think of myself as thin, just "normal", and have a hard time figuring out what to wear. I enjoy that I have lots more choices now, and I can buy what I love, not just what fits.

Eh... I don't really think I was in denial, per se, but I sure never realized how heavy I was until I looked at some old photos. Shocking! o_0

I can say denial was pretty clear once i dusted off my bathroom scale and looked at the mirror i have behind my bedroom door.

I have always hated my picture taken because that could not possibly be how i really looked. It was i was the only one who did not get it.
I was buying plus size clothes and saying they only make regular clothes for teenagers but the truth was i was big. My morning danish and coffee was not helping me out at all.

The doctor saying my risk of stroke was doubled was not helping and then he had the nerve to lose his extra pounds and actually look healthy when he told me get back on the fat bus and get my butt moving.

Today we have cake for a co-workers birthday and I passed it up and have been faithful to myself for the 8 weeks I have been back on the plan. I can do this I did it before.

I am still big but I see inches coming off so I am planning for a nice spring to come.

Good Question!!
I never new how big i was, all i had was a mirror above the bathroom sink. I never saw "the Big picture".
THe last straw was when i tried a mens 3x coat on and it didnt fit.
Well, know i can wear a womens large, snug, but i can wear it.
I see pics of me from before and still know why i didnt want my pic taken. And to think i was HOT and skinny in my 20s. I didnt think i was because i ALWAYS had a sister who was thinner.

Great question -- my answer: Still am. I've kept a few 2X/3X tops around just to remind me of where I was but I still don't know where I am. Make sense? My younger always slimmer sister (who had put on some weight over the last few years) was bragging that she was back in a size 16 jean. Hmmmm, I said to myself - always being the more polite sister - I'm wearing my brand new size 16 jeans! I will probably always see and feel that I am bigger than her.
Age old question: why are we so critical of ourselves?

Complete and utter denial until I saw a rare full body picture of myself and didn't believe that's how I looked. I took off my rose colored glasses and REALLY took a long, close look at myself in a full length mirror (which I always avoided).

I was watching a home video and I saw a HUGE BUTT and thought wow, that's huge, then I realized that it was ME!!
Yep I was in denial.
Astrid

I went back and forth between denial and wanting to change. One day I'd be all low fat and junk and the next I'd say "screw it" and mow down on a big ol' bag of m&m's... I very quickly got fat, fat and fatter and I was completely disgusted in myself. One day dh took a pic of me from the floor, looking up towards me and I nearly vomited when it came back from the store! My belly was huge and my chine was huge... uh.. er. That didn't do it though - that got me on weight watchers for about a month, when I lost a mere 6 lbs and had a rumbly tumbly ALL the time (screw that!). I had given up, lost all hope and finally donated all my size 8's to the salvation army (boy, am I pissed I did that now!) Fast forward about 5/6 months and I was on vacation w/ my bf - at which time he proposed! Very exciting, but I knew at that point I HAD to change!! JUST HAD TO! So I spent another few months dilly dallying around with the *idea* of losing weight before just dropping everything and starting Atkins! BEST DECISION EVER!

I've always known I was big but I dress well - what a cop out! It doesn't matter how well you dress, if you're fat, you're fat and nothing will hide it. That said, in the last two years I've lost my only sibling, my mother and my father-in-law. I've spent alot of time in hospitals where food choices, if any, were limited. I always knew I need to do something but life kept interfering. Plus, I have a very good marriage with a man who loves me more than life itself and doesn't care how fat I get, as long as I love him. A contented love life makes it even harder to lose weight, as long as you turn out the lights when things get going so you don't have to look at the rolls of fat.

Funny, it was harder for me after I lost some weight. I'd feel so skinny and then I'd see my reflection in a plate glass window and think, "Who is that fat girl wearing my clothes?". And then I'd realize what a long way I have to go.

I can totally relate to your post, Susan!

I work in hospitals - you'd think the food choices would be much better but they're usually the worst in the universe!!! Doctors trying to drum up business maybe?? Just kidding....

I eat when I'm happy. I've got a great husband (well, usually great ) and 3 beautiful kids, a good life, lots of family and friends and I'm generally and upbeat and positive person. I want to eat to reward myself for a hard days' work, to celebrate ANYTHING, to connect with others over food, to complement a fun time.... When I'm depressed or sad I don't want to eat at all but who wants to be depressed and sad????

I was in total denial most of the time and only got a rude awakening when going to try on clothes and when looking at pictures. The person I saw in the mirror/picture in no way related to the image I imagined for myself. Talk about self-delusion....

I'm getting happier with the body I see in the mirror, tho, slowly but surely

Yes! When we look at our bodies by looking down past our neck, our bodies don't look so big... it's when you see the reflection in a glass sliding door, or a mirror, or window's from a store that you see the real picture. One I didn't want to admit.....

I guess that's why i only have one mirror in my house!

but, i'm working on it.

oh yeah!!

Not only is it a case of "Other people don't think I look that bad because they tell me so," but blaming the cameras has been the norm! Not being able to have my picture taken from any but a particular angle has finally proved to me that, no, it's not just from head on, it's also from the side, the front, from lower down... I just want one decent set of pictures!!

It's been really hard to get started again because I've been justifying my weight to myself. The thoughts in my head are sort of like the following: There are men who like larger women; I'm thought of as pretty or striking by a number of people, so I can't be that bad, right? I'm relatively healthy (except for this leg problem, and my feet, and shortness of breath when climbing stairs..); I look smaller than I really am (HA!!); If I become thin then I'll look just like everyone else.

Typing them out, I'm kind of ashamed of them! They look so vain and silly! But that's what's been holding me back.

Now, a chance, untargeted comment by one of my closest friends about being in a particular location and not fitting the aesthetic has really hit home. So here we go again!

I was and I wasn't.

I mean I knew I was fat, I just think I didn't quite realize exactly HOW fat I was. The thing that brought it home to me and finally made the light click was a picture of me and my father (taken by my then fiance, now husband) back in March of this year. I keep that picture up on my fridge just to remind me. It was taken the same time as my starting picture in the gallery. When I get to feeling like I'm not losing fast enough I look at where I was and where I am now and it makes me feel a whole lot better!

Debbie

I was in denial, but only partially. I knew I was fat (according to what the scale nastily insisted) but I wasn't sure if other people saw it as vividly as the scale did. I tried to convince myself I carried my weight better than most people (which, of course, is not true). I wore baggy, unattractive, nondescript clothes - partially to hide my fat, mostly to hide myself.

My first clue that I had gotten really fat was that my clothes didn't fit anymore. I kept telling myself they had shrunk in the dryer -- but deep down I knew dryer wasn't the problem.

There were other clues along the way: other students in university chose not to sit next to me in the auditoriums and I realize now that its because i take up too much room. Men stopped checking me out - probably the most subtle clue because i never really cared when they did. I also found myself avoiding mirrors and cameras like the plague. One day, I realized my stomach was larger that my morbidly obese mother's. I used to have a flat stomach (if i sucked it in) and now it disdends halfway down my thigh when i am sitting. I look 9 months pregnant with twins (no exaggeration).

Then of course, there are the physical signs - i get breathless when i climb stairs, my legs hurt when i walk too quickly, i can't do a sit up to save my life.

The list goes on and on...

My final clue was when my bf (who, as a result, is now my ex) completely pulled away emotionally from me as my poundage increased. One time we were fighting and he screamed at me that I was fat. I instantly burst into tears (which is rare for me). Days later his mother told me he was disgusted by my weight. It was so unbelievably devastating, but a huge motivator. I promptly dumped him and started atkins.

I guess you could say I've dumped one ugly load (the bf) and am on to dumping the next (the fat).

You know, when I've watched stories about anorexic women on TV, I've always wondered "How do they not realize how awful they look? How can they not see that they look like a skeleton?" One day it hit me that I'm the same way, just the complete opposite, of course. I know what the scale says. I know what size clothes I wear. I see myself in the mirror everyday. And still...I don't realize how big I look.

I don't look in the mirror and think, "Oh God, I'm so fat and ugly. I don't even want to leave the house." I actually think I'm an attractive girl. I'm married to an awesome man that tells me daily how beautiful he thinks that I am. Maybe that's why I can't imagine that others may not feel the same. Haha