Sun, Dec-05-04, 17:04
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Senior Member
Posts: 503
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Plan: Atkins
Stats: 270/247/160
BF:
Progress: 21%
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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I was in denial, but only partially. I knew I was fat (according to what the scale nastily insisted) but I wasn't sure if other people saw it as vividly as the scale did. I tried to convince myself I carried my weight better than most people (which, of course, is not true). I wore baggy, unattractive, nondescript clothes - partially to hide my fat, mostly to hide myself.
My first clue that I had gotten really fat was that my clothes didn't fit anymore. I kept telling myself they had shrunk in the dryer -- but deep down I knew dryer wasn't the problem.
There were other clues along the way: other students in university chose not to sit next to me in the auditoriums and I realize now that its because i take up too much room. Men stopped checking me out - probably the most subtle clue because i never really cared when they did. I also found myself avoiding mirrors and cameras like the plague. One day, I realized my stomach was larger that my morbidly obese mother's. I used to have a flat stomach (if i sucked it in) and now it disdends halfway down my thigh when i am sitting. I look 9 months pregnant with twins (no exaggeration).
Then of course, there are the physical signs - i get breathless when i climb stairs, my legs hurt when i walk too quickly, i can't do a sit up to save my life.
The list goes on and on...
My final clue was when my bf (who, as a result, is now my ex) completely pulled away emotionally from me as my poundage increased. One time we were fighting and he screamed at me that I was fat. I instantly burst into tears (which is rare for me). Days later his mother told me he was disgusted by my weight. It was so unbelievably devastating, but a huge motivator. I promptly dumped him and started atkins.
I guess you could say I've dumped one ugly load (the bf) and am on to dumping the next (the fat).
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