Anyone who reads my journal will see that I have stopped and started this woe more times than I care to admit since May (although most of my stops and starts are not recorded in the journal). My low self esteem seems to somehow always deliberately sabotage my efforts.

Whenever I start the woe, the first few days are obsessive and joyous and my weight even drops a few pounds. Then something will happen and I will use food as comfort. I tell myself, "just this once and then its back to the woe". And just when I decide to go back to lc'ing, this inner voice pops up in my head, insisting that I don't deserve to lose weight and that I'm nothing but a fat loser. I restart eating high carb foods and I gain more weight than I had lost in the first place.

I decided a few days to restart lc'ing and I was feeling really good about it. However, just last night I found out that my bf no longer finds me attractive at this weight. When I was 70 lbs lighter he couldnt' take his hands off me and always complimented my looks. Now he just ignores me (and our 'love' life is nonexistent). I guess I already knew he was repulsed by me, but it was still devastating to my self esteem to have it confirmed.

And now I worry that I am going to eat emotionally again. I know I should see the incentive in losing weight (that I will be attractive again) but I can't help feel ashamed about lc'ing now, because its a constant reminder of how fat I have become.

If anyone out there has low self esteem, how do you push yourself to keep losing weight, even when you don't feel like you deserve it?

this is a tough one to respond to, and to make sure i get the words out right! i think to boost your self esteem, it will take a series of small successes. i say start with one area that you want to improve upon (diet or non-diet related) and take a "baby-step" approach to improving that area. if it is diet, start with one meal or one snack and then tackle the next and then the next. but only tackle them one meal or one snack at a time! if it is to be more outgoing, start by saying hi to someone new each day....one small step at a time, move yourself into the direction you wish to proceed. and realize that there will be setbacks and adjustments to be made. those setbacks and adjustments are not defeats, they are just something to learn from, so just keep working through them! and realize the whole time that you are worthy of these goals and accomplishments--good things will happen to you--just keep taking things one small step at a time!

You can't expect other people to be responsible for for the way you feel about yourself. It is the other way around!

YOU decide you are worth some effort. YOU decide at what weight you feel attractive. YOU decide what kind of person you want to be. YOU decide if other people are worth your time...or not.

Constantly letting other people decide these things for you only leads to disaster. What makes someone else more qualified that YOU to decide what you will do? When you were three years old, sure, you needed it then. There's a good reason we don't let toddlers make a lot of decisions...but it's so much better to be an adult!

It really is as simple as deciding that you will be grown up now, and make your own decisions. Once you do it a few times, you will like it so much, you won't want to stop!

One--make a decision to stick to LC, even if you're going to eat emotionally. You'll do less damage and come back faster.

Two--take charge of the boyfriend problem and dump the man. You'll feel better and it beats the heck out of clinging to someone who doesn't want you anymore, waiting for him to take action. So what's he going to do if you get married and pregnant--not love you anymore?

Good luck.

I have to agree and echo what you're hearing here. One minute at a time if that's what it takes. Remember who you are doing this for (look in a mirror). This is about you and your needs. Only you. Be selfish. I know we are taught not to be, but this is your life, your health, your happiness.

Any boy (not man, because no "man" would do this) who is only interested in you as a thin person is pretty shallow. I had one like that once and I dropped him like a hot rock and never looked back. There are so many nice grown up men out there who will love you for who you are now, not what you "might be of you just lost the weight". My advice - lose the loser and let a replacement find you. And he will.

Come back here any time for support and know that you are worth it. You deserve to have the life and body you want free from others making disparaging comments.

You go girl. We're here for you!!!

Julie

Thank you all so much for your wise words. I have been faithfully lc'ing all week, but my bf's views of my weight is still quite painful. I have been really crabby to him all week and I told him about what you all had say on the topic . He got really embarassed and now he vehemently denies he ever said anything about my weight (as if). However, despite feeling really emotional about this, I am not binging, which is great.