My weight loss has been going pretty good. Slow by most people's standards, just an avergage of 1 pound per week, but it is the plan I want.

Now I'm 180 and the next pound loss will take me to 179.

There is a big difference for me between being 180 something versus 170 something. I think I remember being a kid and asking my dad who had a fat gut how much he weighed, and he said 180 something. Then years later I asked my fatter brother what he weighed and he said 180 something. When I eventually reached 180 on my way up the scale, I knew I had joined them. And it was not the company I wanted to join in terms of weight. They probably weighed more, I'm sure they were over 200. But that 180 was what they were clinging to as their low weight. To me, that is a high weight.

I probably passed 180 on the way up about 10 years ago. Now I hope to pass it for good on the way down.

I don't know if I will do it this weekend when I check my weight, but if not then it will be the next weekend.

It will mean a lot to me.

Funny what magic there is in the numbers. I find 170 very scary.

Cs_Carver, women probably generally have a lower target weight than men. Men might be more likely to assume extra weight is muscle!

Red_Cutie, I don't excercise per say. Nor do I want to build muscle. The muscle I have is from the activities I do, such as: skiing, riding, hiking, carpentry, digging holes, stuff like that. As long as I stay active, I should be ok.

We all have certain mental barriers that are huge milestones for us when we cross them. Mine is 140. It's scary for me in some ways but I know I can pass it and get to goal. I find the closer I get to it though, the harder it is not to sabotage myself.

Need to work on this.....

Julie

why do you think you do that, Julie?

I find myself sabotaging myself, too. As I'm trucking along and losing weight I get 'scared' or nervous of success and reaching my goal and end up doing something stupid...

I guess anybody who does this will have their own reasons.


Congrats on your losses so far, Jeffrey - I hear you on the "magic numbers". Make sure to change your stats as soon as you cross that line!!!

Nicole

[QUOTE=nikkil]why do you think you do that, Julie?


Hmmmmm (thinking cap on) you ask a good question Nikkil.... There's no simple answer. Maybe I sabotage myself because of a certain fear of success, a fear of what people will see if they see "me" instead of my fat, fear of what my fat family will say. Why don't I want myself to succeed?

My best guy friend tells me I'm beautiful and it makes me a little uncomfortable (being called that, not because it's him saying it). Other friends (men and women) comment on how different (and great) I look and I really want to believe it. How do you get past that? How do you look in the mirror and see what's REALLY there instead of what used to be.

Don't get me wrong, I have good days where I feel great. I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and don't recognize me. It's those other days that are such a challenge to overcome.

I'm having one of those good days today. I'm very seriously considering going back to my hypnotherapist to work through some of these issues. She helped me before with something else so may, just maybe, I can figure this out too and work through it.

Have a great day, Julie

I always thought it was a stereotype, but maybe fear of success is because I've been blaming my weight for so many things and if I don't have that to blame things on any more, what will happen? How will I handle things? I've been overweight now for almost as long as I was normal weight (gained when I had my son at 17 and never really got down to where I should be but really ballooned in mid 20's)... it's what I know (change is scary). Frustrating, tho, because it's something I really want and get upset and stressed over and it's under my control (what I eat and exercising).

For me, also, is that it's overwhelming when I think about how much I have to lose. I started out wanting to lose 74 lbs -- 74 FREAKIN' POUNDS!!! How the heck can I stick it out to do that?? It's going to take minimum a whole year of working so hard to get that off - and then the rest of my life to maintain it!!! AAAhhh, forget it, I'll never be able to do it -- pass the donuts and the Kleenex Now, I have 40 lbs to go -- yeah, still a lot and going to take so much work but it's not as bad as 74......

A fear of success is fairly common actually. Lots of people go to hypnotherapy for it.

I blamed my weight for a lot of things. I can't do that any more. I hid behind my fat for many years. I got fat in early adolescence and stayed that way until the last few years. I'm 37 now. I blamed everything outside of myself for my being fat. One day I woke up and took responsibility.

There was a day when I realized I was killing myself. An epiphany of sorts. I knew it would be very hard work to lose the 100# I had to lose to save my life and joints. I took it one day at a time. It took years. I didn't start out tolose 100#, I started out with the goal of being healthy enough to go in for desperately needed knee surgery. My doc wouldn't operate because I was too fat. He was that blunt with me. In about 6 months of starvation I went from 235 to 165 then I had the surgery. The doc was impressed.

I look at how I am now and give myself credit for getting this far and then I sometimes beat myself up for not finishing what I've started out of fear.

Am I still scared of being attractive? I shouldn't be. Even at my fattest I had men in my life. I've always caught men's eyes. Men have always liked me - the wrong kind of men. Maybe that's it - if I'm thin (at goal) maybe I will atttract the right kind of man. OMG, maybe I just figured it out - being at goal, finding a great guy (as opposed to the one I'm with), fear of commitment?? fear of actually having to deal with the relationship I have which sucks?? There are days where I wish I didn't think so much.....

Take care, Julie

Why are you with someone who is not great? Wouldn't it be better to be alone?

If I was a great guy, and if I was looking, any woman who already has a boyfriend would be off my list. Point being, you are not available if the great guy came a long.

Just thinking out loud

I agree with Jeffery. Your more alone with the wrong person, then being by yourself. Looking at all you've overcome allready, a more suitable mate will just be an added benefit for you.

You're both right. I wonder why I stay where I am. Another "fear" issue to sort out I suppose. It's not that I am looking while I am still in this relationship, don't misunderstand me.

There are a few good points in the current situation but each day it gets closer to the end. I say "counselling" he says "why, there's nothing wrong" But that's a whole other issue not related to weight issue.....

It's not that I would rather be with someone not right for me than be alone. He's an old habit.... lots of years invested and I'm not a quitter. I keep trying to fix things but he just doesn't see the problems (refuses to see them, is threatened by them... or perhaps threatened by the new more self confident and outgoing me). Why is that?

Why do people ignore what is so obviously right in front of them? Why do people say there's no problem right after hearing "I am not happy" from their SO?

More questions than answers as always. I came right out and said "my needs are not being met in this relationship" response: nada. How do you ignore that?

I still have a child to consider in all of this. They have a love/hate relationship too. Typical for a teen though.

Boy have I ever wandered off topic here!!! I did start with breaking through barriers though, I just continued with more and more barriers. Thanks for reading all of my rambles.

Julie

I guess the key now is to just keep the activity level up.

It is hard to go backward (gain weight) if I eat right and excercise.

That combination is a simple formula, but obviously difficult for millions, if not billions, of people.

Jeffrey, can't help but notice that your stats have crossed the 180 barrier, congratulations.

Mousesmom, speaking as a former child from an unhappy marriage, I think it is worse for many children to stay in an unhappy relationship just for the child. I knew my mom was unhappy. My sisters and brother knew. In our case, she never told him she was unhappy, and he never noticed. She ended up developing some bad behaviors in both us and herself by not leaving or speaking up.

You've done the first really hard thing, you told him you were unhappy and something had to change. If he's not willing to work on making it better, don't make excuses for him. Good luck.

Hi jjoyb;

"Mousesmom, speaking as a former child from an unhappy marriage, I think it is worse for many children to stay in an unhappy relationship just for the child. I knew my mom was unhappy. My sisters and brother knew. In our case, she never told him she was unhappy, and he never noticed. She ended up developing some bad behaviors in both us and herself by not leaving or speaking up.

I am the product of an unhappy marriage myself so that's probably where I learned to say nothing. My parents barely spoke to each other for years and there was always an underlying hostility. They are both happier now that they are divorced (several years now), but they sure wasted a lot of years.

My daughter is aware of how things are. My SO has been told several times that I'm not happy with how things are but the next day it's business as usual. Maybe I will suggest counselling again.

Thanks for your perspective.

Julie