I'm fat because... well, because I eat too much. No, that's not the answer you wanted to hear, but there are reasons behind it.
In Grade 7, I was a normal sized kid, with a fairly normal life. Then I met a teacher who was abusive to me, and caused me nearly two years of grief and pain. That's when the eating disorders started. At first I was anorexic for four years, and always thought I looked fat (I was rail thin at the time, looking back at the pictures.) After a suicide attempt, I started eating to soothe the pain. That started a whole cycle of bingeing and purging, leaving me a good 50 pounds overweight.
Then, just in time (ha!) the depression really started up. I ate to quell every single thing I felt. Happiness, sadness, anger--I just packed in the food. My parents didn't help--they did (and still do) commetn on my weight every chance they get. They mean well, but it just doesn't work.
Then I met my husband. After abusing myself with food and other nasties, I thought I was entirely unlovable and no one in their right mind would ever want anything to do with me. My husband proved me wrong. He had his own set of problems, and I somehow found myself capable of helping him through them. At the same time, while helping him, he was helping me. I finally felt worthy of love, and we got married. Unfortunately, I still had the behavior of overeating anytime anything happened. My dear husband supports me in anything I choose to do, so if I want to eat, he lets me eat. Not too handy when I was already over 100 pounds overweight.
My husband knew something I didn't: I would lose the weight when I was ready to. So, here I am--29 yearsd old, married 7 1/2 years, two kids aged 7 and 5, and I am finally giving myself what I never thought I deserved. A good healthy body, and the beginnings of being able to cope without food. There are still lots of struggles, but I am gettting there.
Gosh--this is personal. Forgive me for not posting my name.
|