[This is just a pathetically bizarre, bad and offensive screed, but I report the bad as well as the good. Consider yourself warned. When Veronica Atkins characterized some of Dr. Atkins' opponents as "nasty", this idiot must have wanted to prove her point . - gotbeer]

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Las Vegas Mercury

Sidebar With Agnes Fliff

http://www.lasvegasmercury.com/2004...4/23261989.html

Facts on the Atkins diet

What is the basis of the Atkins diet?

You are supposed to gobble meat like a groupie backstage at a Grand Funk-Led Zeppelin double bill. The diet exploded in popularity, but questions were raised when it was discovered that the founder, Dr. Robert Atkins, was an obscenely bloated pantload when he croaked last year. The guy was pushing 260. He could have gotten work as a Charles Durning impersonator. And if you think there's no market for the Durningesque, both as a motivational speaker and a participant in fetish films, then you are sadly out of the pop culture loop.


Wasn't Dr. Atkins' extra weight caused by fluids administered while he was in the hospital?

What was in his IV bags, ranch dressing? Plus, he had a history of heart attacks, congestive heart failure and hypertension. Next to a wheezing blimp-ass like Atkins, Chris Farley was a triathelete.


Does this mean that carbohydrates are not as bad as they've been portrayed?

Dr. Atkins told people they could eat steak three times a day, sweeten their coffee with a stick of butter and brush their teeth with a cheese wheel and they'd look like Lara Flynn Boyle. And everyone bought it. People just want permission to act like pigs. But here's a news flash...there are no easy answers or quick fixes. Except, of course, for my new weight loss and lifestyle program, Hookers, Hash and Haagen Dazs.


Should diets be matched to individual tastes?

If you're turned off by restrictive diet programs--the kind that discourage binging, purging, splurging, competitive eating contests, surgically implanted tapeworms, Turkish prison sodomy, plunging headlong into emotionally crippling shame spirals and voluntary amputation--then Hookers, Hash and Haagen Dazs could be just right for you. Send $1,750 to me, c/o the Mercury, and in just six to eight weeks you'll be on your way to a slightly slimmer you.

Sounds like the fool is desperately trying to appear shocking, witty, and entertaining, unfortunately he is neither of those things. I don't even know why he would use atkins as a topic; almost everyone knows at least 1 person who lost a ton of weight on atkins, he just looks like an ass when he says upfront that you will gain weight on it. He should have went the way most atkins detractors go by admitting atkins works, but still bashing it (because you can "only eat raw meat and cheese by bucketfulls" and therefore lose your appetite ;D).

You are supposed to gobble meat like a groupie backstage at a Grand Funk-Led Zeppelin double bill.

Wow, I feel like I'm tripping back to the '60's man! Far-out. Let's go have some alfalfa sprouts and tofu.

I tried that one. It didn't work.



Who is this person? Just goes to prove that anyone can write sh!t and still get someone to publish it.

I have a sick sense of humor so I actually thought it was kinda funny, even though the bits about Dr. A himself were in extreme bad taste. the guy is so over the top, it felt more like he was making fun of the anti-low-carb nitwits than the other way around... ...

Yeah, this is poor taste at its finest. I don't mind a good ribbing about eating "sticks of butter," but slanderous "joking"--or whatever this is--can go too far in a hurry.

Brush my teeth with a cheese wheel? Oh, come on. We all use fluoridated bacon now.

If ignorance is bliss, then Agnes Fliff must be the happiest person on the world.

shortstuff

[QUOTE=gotbeer] sweeten their coffee [QUOTE]

What the hell ? I thought we weren't supposed to have caffiene on Atkins - Glad this person knows what they are talkin about!

I guess some people are just so unable to "think outside the box," they turn nasty instead of even trying. This guy is a sad, sad, man. He can go home and eat a celery stick sandwich to feed his frail, overweight, syndrome x ravaged body while I scarf cheese-covered bacon-fried steak and stay thin.

Well, Ms. Fliff has taken humor in bad taste to a low level. In any case, who the heck is Agnes Fliff? Certainly not someone who is in danger of winning a Pulitzer.

Agnes Fliff is a writer for the 'Las Vegas Mercury - Nevada's largest alternative newsweekly'.
Her 'sidebar' column appears in the humour section, which carries the disclaimer: *The contents of the Mercury World Report humor section are fictional. *
Fictional, definitely. Humour? Not so much....

J

Mostly dorky Howard Sternish nonsense, but I thought the brush your teeth with a cheese wheel comment pretty funny.

In my head I thought it was funny, but not true. The person is obviously not very educated on the whole atkins diet but it was funny none the less. Atkins's health at death did concern me a little though. Most doctors have admited its extremely hard to gain 60 pounds of liquid weight in such a short period. The fact is Atkins WAS an unhealthy man but I think it was inherited(some atleast). Not to mention I get the feeling he wasent even following his own diet, otherwise he would have been in better shape.

The Mercury is nothing but a stupid trash rag that they can't even sell here in Vegas. It is distributed free mostly around the college campuses and filled with(and presumably funded by) ads for high class establishments such as titty bars and door to door strippers.