Since someone posted a question about Herbalife, I thought this would be the perfect time to relate my personal experience with Herbalife. A new lady who was doing some housework for us once popped a Herbalife sachet of protein power and before I even asked, soon started talking to me about the great Herbalife products she was taking. Out of curiosity, I listened since it said "low-carb" on the can, although I had never used a protein power and do not intend to. (The only artificial stuff I've ever bought for my WOE is a couple bars --Atkins, Ultimate Low-Carb, etc.). I believe in natural foods. Anyway, that woman's speech was quite interesting because she told me that she had been doing this for 7 years (I didn't believe it, and still don't: I think it was a marketing lie, otherwise it just didn't work): replace one meal a day with some Herbalife shake or whatever Herbalife and eat "sensible" meals the rest of the time. First, I found it eminently suspicious that she was so overweight after 7 years (no less!) on the program. Second, she appeared to have zero knowledge about nutrition
or low-carb! She'd purportedly have this Herbalife low-carb stuff instead of a lunch but she told me the rest of her so-called "sensible" meals consisted mostly of… fruit!!! She also claimed to eat lots of… oatmeal because, she said, "it unclogs your arteries"!!! Some low-carb program!
Anyway, when she offered me to attend one big meeting they were having on the following weekend, my curiosity was piqued. Since it was only a couple hours, I thought, "What the heck? That's something I have to see."
It would be well worth the time.
She arranged for someone to pick me up. The guy looked more like a preacher to me than a nutritionist. Interestingly, the first thing he told me was that this was going to sound "more like a revival meeting than a nutrition meeting." After that, he started talking to my "friend" about how she could become a salesperson for Herbalife. She said she hadn't much money and that her income was very limited (doing housework, I can understand that!) He said, "No problem! All you need is a credit card. You can charge it all on it and you'll pay it off when you start making money." I felt bad when I heard that. When we arrived at the hotel when the convention was, everyone sounded bizarrely excited, almost like high on something, shiny eyes, lots of "Lose weight now, ask me how!" buttons, excited airs. I think you had to pay for the entrance but I was a "guest" so I didn't have to. While waiting in line to get in, I heard another sales pitch for someone to sell rather than consume the product. That person replied they were out of a job and had no money at the moment. "No problem! Charge it all and this will be your new job was the answer!" This was starting to smell bad. Anyway, my "friend" and me got seated. Our "sponsor", on the other hand, couldn't sit with us he said. He had something to do in the back first. The reason for this was to become clear later…
The meeting started and it indeed felt a lot like some evangelical thing. The speaker sounded like a preacher, only he didn't
perform miracles, he just asked people in the audience to "spontaneously" walk to the mike and proudly announce their results on Herbalife products. After each and every proud announcement, no amen's but a salve of applause. This was starting to get repetitious… Then, hello! There came our "sponsor"! Then I suddenly understood why he wouldn't sit with us in the middle of the room. Impossible to "spontaneously" walk to the mike! I then realized that all those people were coming from the back of the room and when I turned, I noticed they were waiting in line at the back of the room to walk up to the speaker! Even more interesting, the weight lost became bigger and bigger with each new "success story." What a remarkable coincidence! The hand clapping went louder and louder with each and every new "loser"! By now everyone's hands probably started to hurt with all that clapping, —except for mine for I remained as cool as a cucumber. I give credit for that both to a stainless steel skepticism and an utter unfamiliarity with anything Christian. The religious fever/fervor was not catching on me and I merely observed.
Anyway, there was final apotheosis with the final "loser" who had lost in the triple digits thanks to Herbalife. This time, there were slides to support the claim. When she was done clapping, my "friend" asked, "Isn't that awesome?". I preferred not to reply. Then the speaker announced a reprieve before the second part of the she show. Everyone rushed to the refreshments (Kool-Aid, bright colored liquid sugar basically! How so low-carb!) When everyone got back to their seat. I was ready to hear the second part of the she show which I had imagined would tell us what was so miraculous about Herbalife products. Boy! Was I in for the surprise of my life! Instead, another round of trips to the mike was on! Only
this time, they were not talking about how much weight they had lost thanks to Herbalife products! No! They were talking about
how much money they had made by selling Herbalife products! Hey! There was our "sponsor" again! But, wait a minute! This was even more interesting for not only were the money gains getting larger and larger with each new "success story", as with the weight lost, these were
the exact same people walking up to the mike!
This truly was miraculous! Herbalife was turning all those people into lean millionaires, no less!
Or was it?
Back to the car where I had the opportunity to ask the "preacher" a few clarifications about the "supposed" Herbalife "plan." He wandered in all directions, saying eating pizza was bad, people ate too much ("What do they have to eat in may world countries? Just on bowl of rice a day!" Made me wonder how much of a world traveler he was…). When I tried to ask what one was supposed to eat during those meals that one does not replace with a Herbalife product, he replied that it depends on where people live and that we should eat only native products and that a eating a potato where it was meant to be eaten was fine but not where it was not meant to be eaten! I asked how a person was supposed to know such proper locations and he replied that God knew what vegetables were good to eat and which one weren't at which point I remarked it's the people who needed to know in order to lose the weight, not God. When he started blabbering about Eden and I managed to quip in that Adam & Eve had been expelled from Eden for eating… an apple! A high-carb item! He started one of those big christian preachings I never can understand a word of, except that I can notice it makes the people who say it (and a lot of those who listen too) like they're kind of high or possessed, so I interrupted him, saying bluntly "I can't understand a word of this" He tried again and I interrupted him again the same way. I was telling the truth. So, he said "I see you are not convinced. —Quite an understatement indeed!— I see you need more evidence. I need to give you something that will convince you" and he gave me a brochure before I left the car.
Back home, I opened it. What was it? A Herbalife catalog!!!
Amusing as this experience may have been to me, I was nevertheless saddened to see that some poor devils had bought into this scheme, in particular a old black woman in a wheel chair and I could see the religious gaze in her eyes, the hypnotized smile: she obviously had bought into it and looked ready to purchase her salvation from Mark/Jesus Hughes. I wonder how many buy into this using poor and fat people's ignorance to make them poorer and fatter…