I'm so glad I found this forum, and so many wonderful people who understand what it is like to be more than 100 pounds overweight.. wonderful, beautiful people who truely understand that the extra pounds do not make them any less as human's....

The title of this thread is actually a song by a wonderful Australian singer... and it is in my head tonight, I am feeling a little down, but determined to shake myself out of it. Going to vent .. hope you all don't mind...

I went on (yet another) blind date a few days ago, someone I met though an online club. Now I am very experienced at this, and very careful, don't like bars and clubs, so please no judgements here. Anyway.. my point is that I am always very upfront about my size (my profile name is even luscious_bbw ). I make no mistake that they understand this. These guys always can't wait to meet me once we talk for a while.. they think I am smart, funny, caring, independent and all around amazing woman (all of which I modestly say is very true.. hehe). They see my photo, my face, they like what they see.

Now, please forgive my ego here, but I am attractive, I am indeed a luscious big beautiful woman, a good person, a good catch I would say.....

Australian men suck (no offence to the Australian men reading if any). They just have no sense of appreciating the inner person, they have not quite caught onto the fact that big is beautiful.. When I travel to Europe and America I meet men all the time (sometimes before I get to baggage claim *wink*).

Anyway, the latest one has not called me since lunch.. and I am feeling a bit fed up and down about it. How does someone go from talking to you every day and really really liking you, to not talking to you at all?? I am not sure its my personality, because they get such a good sense of that before I meet them and they are drawn to it.. I make sure I gargle (no keto breathe thanks), I doubt its my face, because its actually pretty nice.. it can only be my extra weight.... I don't particularly have a hang up about it in terms of confidence, etc... I'm just trying to think realistically here.

grrrrrrrr.. THINKING OF MOVING TO MORE APPRECIATIVE PASTURES.

Thanks for Listening...

At least You get to the date. Normally after all of that online conversation where they are so interested in me they stop talking completely to me once they see what i look like. Yes, it can be disheartening.

Luscious goddess... thank you AntiM .. I like the sound of that (maybe need to change my name).

Oddesey, congratulations on your great success so far, well done and thank you for your empathy. One day he will come along... the man I love *hehe* In a very muscial mood I think.

What's a date? How does a nice guy that is overweight go about getting one? It's too late now anyway because I'm married with kids and have made my commitment, but I was just wondering.

Greetings,

Although I am on weight loss hiatus because of pregnancy, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

Same here, many a man I had corresponded with electronically, who saw my pictures etc, suddenly were'nt interested after we met. Feeling rejected sucks, especially after feeling like you were so upfront about things.

There ARE REAL MEN out there who DO appreciate bbw! I was having a summer party, and my good friend Meg was there. Her boyfriend was at a Yankees game with his best friend. they showed up towards the end of the party and he introduced me to his friend, who a little over one year later would become my husband.

He met me at my all time high weight, and just kept saying to me what an amazing woman I was, great career, beautiful home, tons of friends...

NEVER has he mentioned my weight because to him, its not an issue.

As a truely beautiful person, you WILL meet a wonderful man, who will appreciate you for being you. As for those others, ITS THEIR LOSS!!!!!!!!

What I love is that you understand that you can be a beautiful luscious Goddess the size you are! They just suck really bad!

I know how that feels. Granted, I'm now married, and have been with Alan since 1995, but I went on dates A LOT before him.
Similiar to meeting people on the net, I had a personal ads. The first time I had one was right after I divorced my first husband in 1993 I think. Put in the ad that I was overweight, mind you, I was 180 during this time frame not bigger like now and everyone seemed perfectly fine with that. Well, during that time frame, I met about 25 of the 50 or so responses and I would say about 18 of them never called me again. The others I would date, but found things I didn't like about them. I went into personal ads three different times. Found guys I wanted to meet, a lot never called again. Then in 1995 I was dating a guy I liked, he was attractive but I got my husband' letter in the mail. (This particular personal ad could accept letters and then forward them to your house). My husband was 160 lbs, good looking, so I put his picture on the desk and told myself he would NEVER want me. I couldn't stop thinking about the great letter he had sent though. All of sudden, I couldn't stand the sight of this other guy I was dating. It was crazy because he was attractive. I called Alan and we talked on the phone for 5 hours the first time we had ever spoken. I was super nervous about meeting him. I just knew he would never call me back. Well, to keep this from getting too long......we met, he fell in love with me right away, and we were married 6 months later. Now we have been together ever since, have four daughters, and never fight. He's my best friend. He has watched me get to this size and still loves me no matter.
Now don't go by the stupid looking picture in my avatar with the crooked smile , but I have always considered myself "cute" too and couldn't understand why those guys couldn't get past the 180 lbs. Well, now I know: those men weren't meant to be with me. I was suppose to marry Alan.
So try not to be sad over it, even though I know that is much easier said than done, but know that God has someone out there for you. Now all you have to do is wait until your paths cross!
The attachment has my picture the day Alan and I married. I weighed 190 lbs that day and he weighed just under 170 lbs. He loved me then and loves me now and he's good looking to me! The other picture was taken just a couple of months ago. I don't think I could have done better.

Attached Images

	wedding day.JPG (28.2 KB, 110 views)
	our xmas03.JPG (46.1 KB, 106 views)

One of the sexiest attributes a woman can have is self confidence. You got that in loads and that's what will come shining through with the right man. Just be patient. A lot of insecure women will end up in a rotten marriage with the first guy they sleep with.

Being overweight actually does a couple of interesting things. Terribly shallow people who aren't worth having as friends or lovers really don't like being around us. So the friends and lovers we have are usuall good, kind people.

So, oh Lucious Goodess that is you, play it to your strengths. I imagine you'll do fantastic.

I love BBWs myself.....With a cool Austrailian accent you would do well in the US I'm sure.

It is true there seems to be a prevalent attitude by Australia men that women are a 'trophy' not a partner - definitely not equal in anyway -- a women with a Phd. will still be called a Sheila - by males with far less accomplishments. I lived in Queensland Australia for 3 years and I found it difficult to live with some of the attitudes that seem to be part of the culture fabric there. Not all Australian men are like that but enough to taint how people see Australian men as a whole. Mattering on where you live in Australia the above could be more - or less so. Queensland I was told was the worse.

I was married while I lived there so dating was not an issue for me.

I support Heath's statement - hang in there you have not met the 'right guy' yet - do not settle for less - you deserve more. I married at a higher weight than I am now - we just celebrated our 17th year.

Interesting topic. My feelings are mixed about meeting up with people on the internet. I think a lot of men/women have unreal expectations. They think they are going to meet halle berry or bo derek. Generally that is not the case. What I am wondering is that when we get down to goal weight will we still recognize the people who wanted nothing to do with us 20, 30, 50 pounds ago? Just a thought.

Luscious,

I looked at your picture there beneath your name and I would say you are pretty enough!!!! I like the red dress

I hope this is how you see yourself on the inside. Why? If you read about what it takes to achieve success in your life you will find that it is mostly about attitude. Do you see yourself looking like Jessica Rabbit one day? If you do, and you really believe that, then it will happen for you. Many people who fail in what they are trying to do don't see themselves as being able to accomplish the goal they have set. You have to fully believe and act like it has already happened - then you can make it into reality.

I agree with Heath on the point he made - basically this part of it - who wants to end up hitched to a shallow person? It is better to find out up front how a person feels about somebody's physical appearance than to find out when it's too late. It seems to me that you are a beautiful person and if they can't see and understand that - it's their loss.

You post made me sooo sad because you sound just like me a few years ago. PLEASE don't ever let the losers of the world doubt yourself, your worth or your beauty. One day someone who is worthy you will find you.

I had a very similar experience about 6 yrs ago responding to and placing personal ads. I looked at it as a convenient way to meet guys I otherwise would not have met (I was working and in grad school at the time). I was honest in my ad and replies and thought I had a good outlook on the process (just wanted to meet new people and enjoy myself). I had all kinds of experiences...clicked immediately then never heard from him again, nice but no chemistry, nothing in common, arrogant (one guy actually asked me to "sell" myself to him) and quite a few idiots who made a date then never showed (or saw me and decided to leave). It's so hard to not take that personally but you really have to remember they are doing you a favor...you know their character right up front and you don't have to waste your time.

There are wonderful, real men out there who want a partner and friend, not a trophy or Barbie. When you meet the right one, your weight will not be an issue to him. A real man will support you in whatever your goals are, not force his goals or standards on you (and vice versa).

One day I arranged to meet a guy for coffee after a nice phone conversation. I was 30 mins late due to traffic and he could only stay 30 mins. Honestly, as soon as we started talking, I knew I was going to marry him. After 34 yrs of acting like I didn't care about dating because I never got asked out and multiple bad experiences (yes, including sleeping with guys on first dates, etc. due to my insecurity about my looks), I knew immediately.

We got engaged and moved in together 2 months later and married 8 months later. We've been married 5 years now and have 2 beautiful daughters. My life is completely different now and sometimes I can't even believe I'm someone's wife and mother after so many years of thinking I'd live alone forever.

So, even though it's hard, you just have to believe and put yourself out there if you want to meet someone. And remember, we're here for you.

You will find that special someone, prob when you stop looking-or are looking elsewhere, that seems to happen a lot! LOL

I met my dh when I was 250 or so. He never said a thing about my weight, and he still never does. He has actually gained some weight himself the last few years, but was at least 30 lbs less than me when we got engaged and married. They are out there-good luck in your search!