Something happened at work last week and I was hoping to get some thoughts from the folks in here on how to handle it, or if it even needs handling, but got sick on Thursday and couldn't post until now.

A new woman was hired two weeks ago. She told her office mate she had lost about 100 lbs over the last 2 years. Her office mate has a weight problem and she speaks to her only when necessary, going to someone in the next cubicle or down the hall to ask a question, which makes no sense. Several of us, all sizes, have slowly started to notice she goes out of her way to avoid anyone who is overweight. I asked her to bring some papers to my office and she avoided looking at me!

We can't all be paranoid, can we? I was told last week that when she took her break, rather than take the only remaining seat in the employee lounge which was next to Tom, a big guy, she walked out and spent 10 minutes in the ladies room.

Her odd behavior doesn't affect me directly, yet, except for that strange incident in my office and she's in a different department so I don't have much to do with her, but she's hurting my friends and I know sooner or later, I'm going to open my big mouth.

I guess I'm more curious than anything what her deal is. Is she afraid of being around fat people? Does she think she'll catch what we have, again? Is she repulsed? Any thoughts are appreciated.

Ask her about it then, tell her you found it a strange observation. You'd think having been there herself, she'd have a different attitude about it. Maybe have your boss tell her it's making her coworkers noticeably uncomfortable.

Maybe she's afraid that you all will be eating tempting foods in the lunchroom or have snacks at your desk and that before long she'll be joining you all in fatland again. I don't know how she lost her weight but I know some people who have been through OA (a 12 step program) and they were encouraged to stay away from old eating buddies. Maybe she's afraid that other large people will become new eating buddies. Or maybe she can't control herSELF and is afraid that she'll start preaching about weight loss and alienate people.

Then again, it may be none of the above. How does she act around the thin people in the office?

I'd just flat out ask...lol

The office environment can be a strange place. I wouldn't worry about it if it's not affect YOU directly. If it's bothering your co-worker, then suggest she approach her with the specific issue. It is much better to tackle a specific issue than a general "why are you avoiding me" type of discussion.

On the other hand, maybe she's still too new and just isn't comfortable yet with all of you.

I would say to her that you had heard she had lost a 100 lbs and you were amazed and was wondering how she did it. That might just break the ice!! If she has really lost the pounds she should be very proud of herself and be glad to tell others. Or-------maybe she lied about losing weight altogather and is having trouble with her lie.

It's possible, it may not be a weight issue, but since she is so new, maybe she doesn't feel as though she fits in yet? Are you guys a tight knit group of friends? I had a similiar situation when I started my job (before I quite to raise my kids). I worked in a male dominated industry (Nuclear Technician). All my co-workers were men - and a very tight knit group of men at that, who all hung out together after work on a regular basis. I pretty much avoided them at first (ate lunch alone, went to our other office at the end of the day when they all gathered in the field office), because I didn't feel as though I had found a place where I fit in with them. Of course that changed after some time and I became "one of the guys", but it was hard trying to fit into a pre-existing group of co-workers/friends and it took some time to gain the feeling of belonging, and it was very awkward until that happened.....I'm sure, I probably unintentionally put out some "I hate men vibes", which of course coudln't be further from the truth!

Or another idea, maybe she has a superiority complex because she has lost weight, and thinks she is above everyone else who is still over-weight. One of my friends who is an ex-smoker is like that. She now has this holier then thou attitude toward anyone who smokes because in her mind if SHE could do it, then anyone can.

Just some thoughts! Good luck!!

~Jaya

I vote for asking her how she lost her weight....that should open up the subject ...

I had a friend that did the same thing. She decided one day to just excersize her butt off, and 1 year later had dropped over 100 pounds (and is still small today). After doing that, she was very judgemental of everyone else that she knew that had a weight problem. As a matter of fact, we don't even talk anymore cause I just couldn't handle her "holier than thou" attitude. She started to get to where she would refer to everyone overweight as lazy and self-hating individuals. It got old really quick.

Maybe that's your co-workers problem and maybe it isn't. I've never understood how someone, even if they have found a way to loose weight, could be judgemental of people that are overweight. Shouldn't you be the example "skinny" person after you loose weight and understand that it is wrong to pass judgement on anyone because of the way that they look?