This rambles, but maybe it is common for many of us with over 100 to lose.

I have never been anything but fat. I had a brief respite in high school, when I was trying to get a starting job on the football team an took to running 4 miles a day all summer long. What's funny is that even then, in the peak condition of my life, I was still fat. I was fat and could run a lot farther than my skinny brothers. It didn't last, of course; I inevitably lost the desire, and couldn't run a half mile today with a tiger chasing me.

The thing is, I might have always hated being fat, but I never hated it enough to do anything about it. I'm not a classic yo-yo dieter; I've never really tried that hard as the pounds piled on over the years. I was fat, and I did care, but not enough to sacrifice anything to stop it. When I got Graves Disease, and eventually hypothyroidism, it made things worse. I gained weight a lot easier. I went in a few years from a 240 pound man to being a 340 pound man.

I knew it hurt my career. I knew it would kill me. I knew that people tend to hold the fat in a kind of private contempt. They don't have that same contempt for others who are self destructive--smokers, drug addicts, alcoholics, or habitual gamblers. Those people can hide their problems. Wearing black aside, there ain't no hiding fat. My flaws are on display 24/7. That's why people, even those who say they don't, have that contempt for fat people.

But I wasn't in self loathing like pop psychologists will tell you that fat people must be; I don't know why I never did anything about it.

I married a great woman; I had a baby in May, a wonderful girl. I found my motivation. They say you can't do it for anyone but yourself, and maybe that's true. I want to do it for myself--I always did--but more than anything I want to do it for my baby and my wife. I just couldn't motivate myself. Now, for whatever reason, that thing that we all have that makes you want to eat something bad...you know that overpowering desire...it's gone. I don't look at food that way anymore. It has no more power over me.

But still--to lose 100 pounds is not going to be easy, and it's not going to be quick. Most of us who need to do this have come to a critical decision point. I came to mine and I will succeed, or I will probably die in the next ten years; it's that simple. You can't walk around with 340 pounds on you and expect to live a full life, much less a long one.

I want to be able to get onto rides at the fair. I want to run and play with my baby, when she gets old enough. I want to be able to sit in a hot tub without being embarassed. I want to buy shirts from the regular racks. Crawl up into my attic without wondering if the ladder step will snap. Stuff like that. Stuff everyone can do. But most of all, I want to be there for my baby and my wife in a decade, or two decades.

I find that I want that stuff more than I want the cheesecake. That's my turning point; that's where I decided not to come to terms with being fat.

What's yours?

I was a yo-yo dieter, but had reached my highest weight of all time.......250lbs. I reached my breaking point when I lost the ability to go up and down stairs. My knees were gone. I went to an orthopedic surgeon that told me that the only thing I could do to make my knees better was to loose weight. I asked him for help and he said " I will give you the secret of weight loss.....Don't eat so much" That sarcastic comment sent me spiraling down into a very bad depression. It lasted for 2 months. Then one day I got mad and decided to make a radical change. That was the day I started this WOL......September 11th , 2002. It has changed my life. with 50 lbs gone, I know that the next 60 lbs will come off. I dont mind if it takes another year. It is a long process when there is so much weight to loose. I look at the whole thing as a healing process for me.

P.S.- My knees are better..........Damn that doctor to hell. He could have directed me to this WOL.

Hi Kyrasdad, man you are telling my story for the most part, so I know how you feel.

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you know that overpowering desire...it's gone. I don't look at food that way anymore. It has no more power over me.
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I think just like you do but my insatiable appetite is gone because of the Adkins WOE. If I had some candy bars, fries, and a shake today, I would change my mind just like that. Like a drug addict, I would rationalize how I could have just a few chips and only one pop and on and on. I would be in a fog and I wouldn't care anymore.

I accept the fact that like poison, I will never knowingly eat garbage again. I can't. Just like you I have had a turning point in my life too. I'm sick and tired of being so heavy. I want to be healthy so I can be a good father, husband, brother, and son.

We just went picking pumpkins with our kids and I made everyone walk the entire pumpkin patch to find the right pumpkins. It felt great, like if I said the definition of freedom is: Walking through a pumpkin patch.

That rude insensitive doctor might have helped you in the long run - getting mad helped me too! There wasn't any one single turning point for me - there have been several, each one strengthening me a little more. But the "mad" occasion I'm remembering was after reading a long, scholarly article (with lots of references) stating that it is nearly impossible to lose weight if your fasting insulin remains high, then telling about a compound that reduced fasting insulin in clinical trials. I said "I want some of that!" but upon further reading found I would have to go halfway across the country and check into a clinic to get any. I was upset at first (it actually made me cry) but then I was FURIOUS, and as a result my resolve to lose weight anyway just went through the roof.

I could no longer walk; I could no longer participate in anything outside of the house; I no longer lived by most definitions of the word. I chose to get my ass in gear and be me again.
It worked. And it will work as long as I work it. And I will live as well as I choose to live. I am so happy these days that my life is like an "E" ride at Disneyland!

Not bad for a mere diet!

I too can only remember being fat..I was heavier than most of my friends all through high school....the "IMPORTANT" years...the years when you are suppose to fit in at all times...well I didnt. I had a few boyfriends in high school...but never lasted long...so I decided not to dwell on it...to just stay home and someday Ill meet Mr Right. I moved away from home to live with my Mom. within a year I met Mr RIght. I married at 20 and still together..I was over 220 when I married him..he loved me for me...wasnt until his family decided to always!!!..make my weight an issue that I decided...Ill show them....they took tons of pictures of me...at family funtions...Im sure to show everyone how FAT I am. (well thats how I felt)...well I have only seen my DH mother since I started this WOL....and I will meet with DH family this weekend.....Should be an interesting visit...
Sorry for rambling on....I guess it still really bothers me. Maybe I should thank
them....they are the ones why I started me on this WOL...the pictures they took of me...showed me that I really needed to change my life.... be there for my kids......be healthy

There will always be people in our lives that think telling us were fat will make us loose weight....well that is so wrong...doing that makes us eat more...We all will get to "THAT" point in our lives where WE matter....Im glad for me I got there before any major health problems happened....

SO..I think you are choosing an excellent time to do this! You could very well lose 100 pounds in a year and defiantely 2....this is when you'll need to chanse your daughter the most Good for you! I hope you love this site as much as I do.

This is a really good thread. That's what I like about this forum, it's a group therapy session except you don't have to worry about sitting in a circle in a skirt.

Sure, I've had my share of comments, both well intended and otherwise that should have made me decide to lose weight, but it was never a vanity issue with me and never hurt me enough to do anything about it. My husband would offer gentle suggestions only if I complained about some weight-related pain or limitation. There were the usual inconveniences: not being able to ride the rides at the amusement park, not fitting comfortably in a booth or airline seat, but that's all they were to me: inconveniences.

For me it was fear. I know people heavier than I who I guess are in much better shape but I got scared of listening to my heart pound while doing nothing and feeling like I was going to have a heart attack walking up or down the stairs.

You're probably all bored reading this message from me, but my moment was when I woke up one morning and could barely walk.

I mean, my legs and lower back had been sore leading up to that point, but it literally happened overnight. The pain was horrible. And it was Christmas Eve. I had to go to my parents house and try to not let them see I was in great pain (shame and worry). They live in house with stairs and I could barely manage them. When we got up from the table after Christmas dinner, I had to hold on to the table to steady myself.

What's worse (and I don't usually talk about this) was that I could not really clean myself properly. Between the pain of trying to bend and the rolls of fat that got in the way, it was becoming increasingly difficult to care for myself.

There was another big man in the same office building as I was and one day he and I were both in the bathroom at the same time. I heard him huffing and puffing something awful while he was in the stall. I realized that he was just trying to do his thing and clean himself up. I felt sorry for him and then a second later I realized that I was damn close to becoming just like him.

My legs worsened until I was in such bad shape that my coworkers could hear me coming from the loud popping noises my knees made when I walked. I was on pain killers (4 a day). And it had gotten so bad that my partner had to always jump up first when he knew I was going to try to stand so that he could assist me. ASSIST ME? This couldn't be me. This couldn't be my life...

I went to the doctor and got my knees xrayed. My doctor told me that I would need surgery on my knees and suggested bastric bypass. I vowed to change.

That day I bought DANDR and read it cover to cover. The next day I bought provisions and the next day I was LCing.

Within a month I had stopped taking pain pills. My knees stopped popping. I've had no surgery and I've lost a lot of weight. I'm a smart guy, but I had managed to ignore all the signs. It look my body literally screaming at me before I woke up.

Sorry for rambling...but this topic gets me going!

Donald

I think for me the reluctance to do anything went back to hating beind different. My mom, with the best of intentions, tried to put me on weight watchers when I was in junior high. It was a terrible time, eating different stuff at the table than my brothers, coming to school with tuna fish sandwiches, and going to the meetings. I hated it. I still can't abide the smell of tuna.

Marchstart's comments about high school sure resonate with me. I didn't have a horrible high school experience, but I didn't have a great one. I was a fat kid that lots of people liked but that no girls dated; that played football because big kids played football; that was enough of an athlete that I could outlift skinny kids, and sometimes outrun them.

Still, that's what I'd change, given the chance--I'd go back and shake myself out of the funk in my 20's, instead of my late 30's. Low carb has been great, almost a miracle for me, since it removes many of the things I hate about dieting.

But mainly it's been about me being ready to turn the corner and start living a good life instead of a passable one.

I'l never portray myself as a victim though. I'm my own boss, and I did this. I damn well will fix it, too. I just wish I hadn't waited so long.

Right on.

Wow! This is an amazing thread! I thank God for it as I was in such a funk tonight and so ready to eat-but then I thought I would post first, and before I could, I began reading this thread. What memories, and what therapy!

I was heavier than my friends from 1st grade, but not terribly so. However, my mom made constant comments about my weight- "don't eat so much"- or, "you'll never lose weight eating like that!"
I too remember WW in high school. Liver once a week, fish three times per week. My saving grace was tuna, which I still love!
But I began to think I was the biggest, fattest, person around. There was only one girl who was fatter than me in High school, but I guess because she was SO fat, that people didn't tease her, they just sort of ignored her. But me, I got the remarks. Fortunately, I had a good set of friends who didn't care about my weight. But dates??? Never! Many guys were my friends but no one wanted to date me. I have to say that I was 170 and 5'6" in school and that's not terrible, but I felt like an outcast. No swim parties, no sleeveless dresses or shirts, no skiing, and no nice clothes. My mother seemed to think it was impossible to find clothes in "my size." So, I pretended I didn't care, and even learned to walk without much "hip movement" just in case I would be teased "from behind. I have always been extremely self-concious, and it has only been in my 40's that I stopped caring how I looked to others, which inspired me to look better. My husband has been a great support and has never made negative comments. I went from 200 to over 300 in the past twenty years with lots of losses and gains. Even my heart pounding when I climbed stairs and not being able to breathe was not enough.
What finally did it for me, was when the Dr. wanted to put me on cholesteral medicine. That was in addition to bs meds, bp meds, anti-depressants, and water pills. Something just made me angry and I vowed not to take any more pills and to do something about the shape my body and my health were in! that was two weeks ago, and here I am on day 16, wanting to eat-scared that I will, and scared what will happen if I don't! I have never functioned as a thin person. And I can relate to the person who said what she saw in the mirror was not her! I feel exactly that way!
I was so ready to eat tonight!!!! Stress was just getting to me and I wanted to stuff myself!
I ate, but it was all legal. So, now I am waiting for hot wings to be brought home.
Thanks to everyone for their replies, they have been a great help to me, even though I didn't start the thread.
Ahh...am beginning to calm down now-think I'll go have a very large glass of water.
I add my apologies to the list for "rambling" but it certainly does help!

You know what I finally got down to, after reading everyone's replies, and thinking on it? I'd like one simple thing: when people first see me, that something other than my weight become my defining physical characteristic; let it be my nose, my eyes, or the scar on my forehead.

Just let me have that.

I know. I'm sure we're defined by our weight and when there is a group of people, they're described as the guy in the blue shirt, or the blonde, or the fat guy. I forgot who said it but fat people are the last group you can discriminate against.

Two nights ago I was cruising through radio stations and came across one of those talk radio people, a woman. She referred to Senator Kennedy as "wide load." I was livid. This is a woman who thinks she's sooooo very intelligent. You don't like the guy's politics? Fine by me but that doesn't give her the right to call him names based on his size. It would have been unacceptable for her to make fun of his ethnicity or a physical deformity yet she felt comfortable in referring to him as this again and again. I sent her and her station an email. Haven't received a reply and I don't think I will.

WOW!!! I love this forum! I'm so glad you guys are sharing. The last two weeks have been terrible for me. I lost 29 lbs. in 8 weeks and was really happy! The past two weeks, I have completely sabotaged myself by eating tons of carbs, (mostly in the form of peanut M&M's), and I've gained 11 of those back. I started back on strict induction yesterday, but I just keep thinking, "how much would I have lost by now if I hadn't gotten sidetracked?". This has happened to me before at about 30 lbs. lost and I'm wondering if any of you have any suggestions about why this might be happening. Most of you are way past the 30 lbs. lost mark and I hope you have some help for me. Thanks for listening.