I feel like I am losing control over my life yet again. I just can't cope with it all. I'm supossed to see my psychiatrist on Monday but I'm at the point were I'm thinking what's the point?
I don't get any therapy just the routine questions and repeat prescriptions. This time last year I was just getting out of hospital after spending a month on a psychiatric ward and I really don't want to go back there. I hate this

Hi Linsey, and first of all, congratulations on your weight loss.

You mention "losing control". Do you mean you are having a depressive episode? Do you have thoughts of death? Must be tough with the little ones also, as we always tend to think we are worthless at everything when depression sets in.

Also you seem unhappy with your Doctor. If he/she does not listen to your needs then you have to sit down and tell him/her so. You might also reconsider your medicines: if they keep crashing then often something is missing from the prescription.

Post away...

Agnès

Agnes always gives good advice. Sorry you're feeling this way (been there). In addition to Agnes' suggestions, do you think you could find a clinical psychologist? In my experience, it's far easier to talk to one of them than to a psychiatrist. You'll need to pyschiatrist for the meds, but psychologists are trained in "talk therapy", which can be a really good adjunct to medication.

Good luck! And if things get too extreme, DO NOT HESITATE to go to your local ER. They can tide you over until you see your psychiatrist.

Linsey,

Firstly, congratulations on your weight loss so far.

I agree with Agnes. If you are on medication and are not getting any benefit you should ask for somethng else. Likewise, if your psychiatrist doesn't seem to be listening to your needs, can you see someone else?

You are not worthless! Beating depression is a long hard battle and we get there one day at a time. You will get there.

Thank you all for your kind replies

I have been on AD's this time for 3 years and during that time I have had a lot of ups and downs, this latest down is really getting to me I just feel like I am fighting a losing battle, I think of killing myself all the time but don't want to do that to my children. I feel my pdoc doesnt always take me seriously he diagnosed me with borderline personnality disorder a few months ago so I think he thinks I'm doing most of it for attention, this just isnt the case I WANT to get better I HATE being like this. Family and friends treat me so differently since last year not badly just differently I know it was hard for them to see me go through this. I had to go through so many different meds to get to the two on I'm on now, I had some very bad reactions especially when given prozac, I'm on the AD Lustral ( I think it is Zoloft in the US) 150mg a day I had to beg a few months ago for the dose to be upped from 100mg. It's like it works for a while then stops working I've told him this but he shrugs it off like I'm making it up to be awkward.
I have been trying to get in to a 12 week intensive therapy course for a year and have had several appointments there but I had a problem with alcohol ( was drinking a full bottle of brandy every other night) and self harming. I was told I had to have both these things under control before they would take me. I now rarely have a drink and am proud of myself for that and have done quite well with the SH but I ended up cutting a few weeks ago on my arm and face so they are gonna know when they see me. I'm in the UK and using the NHS service so have to take the help I get really cant afford to see anyone private.

I have battled with depression since I was a young child and have accepted it will always be a part of my life, it's part of who I am. I just wish I could find an even keel tho. So many people don't realise how hard this is.

Lynsey

I cannot help but JUMP here, so warning: this is my opinion only and it is based on my experience. It is NOT medical advice.

It seems to me that you need to "help" your antidepressant medicine with some mood stabilisers. In my case they helped a lot with obsessional thinking (I know all about the ups and downs and how exhausting and debilitating they are). I know of a couple of anti-convulsant that are prescribed as mood stabilisers. I will give you their generic name as I am in Canada and brand names vary.

Gabapentin
Valproic acid or Valproate

There is also a very old anti-depressant medicine called trazodone or trazadone (its brand name is Desyrel here) that has worked wonders for me in terms of morbid obsessions.

Once you get the right medicine, you can start building yourself up. It's a turtle's journey but it's all worth getting to the point where you are actually happy and on even keel.

Good luck

Agnès

I agree with you Agnes, but I think if I go in there and ask him for them or say I think I need them I just know he won't give them to me.
I'm just gonna go in there Monday and tell him something needs to be changed it just isn't working. I have done this before but he has always hinted that because I have BPD that drugs won't help I need to make the changes in me and that is why when I have the psychotherapy it will help with these things. Only trouble with that tho is they won't accept me because I'm not 'well' enough to go through it all *sigh*

Lynsey

Correct me if I am wrong, but do you have bipolar disorder?
And you say your doc wants you to change? Out of what, will power? If that is the case I think that not only you should definitely change doctor (I never give this advice because it is better to stay with someone who knows you, sometimes they just haven't thought of other meds or treatment) but you should also complain to his department or board, whatever the case.

My father is bipolar and without medicine he would never have been able to function.


Keep me informed.

I have been diagnosed with borderline personallity disorder not bi polar. Will let you know how it goes Monday.
Thank you for your advice tho, and everyone else who replied. It has helped me knowing someone is listening

Lynsey

Well I saw my pdoc today, I was crying from the minute I got in there and he was great. He didn't make me feel bad he listened to me and gave me some good advice as well as uping my meds. We talked about my home life and the sh*tty situation I'm in as I came home I realised I can't live like this so when I got home I told my husband I wanted him to leave. Neither of us are happy together and he agreed, we just sat and talked it all through very amicably. So he will be leaving and going back to his home town he just has to sort with his dad when he can hire a van and come and pick his things up. I know this isnt going to be easy I'm gonna have to cope with the kids alone and wont have a lot of money but not changing this situation I'm in would be worse for me.

Hi Bumpy,

It sounds like we are going through almost the exact same thing I am going through. I too suffer from depression and it has really taken its toll on me lately. I can't believe I was actually searching the internet yesterday looking for easy methods to take my life until I stumbled on to this anxiety/depression site that has some pretty cool people there that can help. I felt so much better after I registered and started getting quick responses from the folks there. If you are interested send me an email and I will send you the link.

Take care Bumpy

Frank

I am not a doctor, but I DO have experience with depression from Both sides of the desk! I have been a clinical social worker and counseled a lot of people with depression...I have also suffered from depression myself since I was in my teens. If I can answer any questions or help anyone here, just holler!!! I am currently 53yr.old and now feel better than I ever have! There IS a life outside the "black hole"!! You CAN get there too!! ((Hugs))to all and let me know if I can help!