Or a little patience while I electronically whinge about my family.....



Tomorrow, I am leaving for two (count ‘em), two weeks with immediate family. Husband’s business requirements coincide with families’ location, so we’re killing two birds with one stone.

Unfortunately, not many family members understand or support the Atkins’ lifestyle.

Mothers both think it’s “crazy”.
His mom isn’t too much of a problem; she just mumbles under her breath and goes about her business.
Mine, however, is a completely different kettle of fish. Mom is never pleased when her kids want to play the game by rules she hasn’t herself established. To change us, she’s become quite adept at her own form of psychological torture -- which results in “I’m so *%&#*$! sick and tired of listening to her, I’ll give in just to have some peace and quiet!”. (Suspect I’m not the only one who’s been there and done that.)
When I told Mom that husband and I were “Dramatically reducing our carbohydrate intake” (note no “A” word), she replied, “Not that again!”

Also, I have a vociferously opinionated, know-it-all sister-in-law, herself obese, who is adamantly and, in my opinion, irrationally opposed to Atkins. Last year, she invited us to dinner and, you guessed it, served pasta.

While I fully recognize the sabotage that’s going on, I also understand that eventually enough sabotage will bring down the stoutest of fortresses. (Can’t be married to the military for twenty years without picking up one little fact or two. )

Last year, at about this time, I had successfully completed three weeks of Induction. (And had actually lost some *%&$# weight!!!)
Then I went Back East.
As you may have inferred, last year’s visit was a dietary train wreck, which set me off track until just recently.
I’ll be d**med if it’s gonna happen again this year. (Even if I’m accused of being a self-absorbed brat by all and everyone concerned.)

So, over the next two weeks, you’re all gonna be subjected to some rather whiney, desperate posts by me. Please accept my apologies in advance -- and heartfelt thanks for any and all the support you can lend.

Like I said in my original post, you’re a great group. It’s a delight having you around.

If feasible, stay in a hotel or at your in-laws. Visit with your family but do not eat meals at their homes. Be agreeable to meals out where you can control what you eat.

My sister has a toxic mother-in-law that sounds like your mama. She (the MIL) pushed until sister, her husband (MIL's son) and their daughters have nothing/nada/zero/zilch to do with her. That's a sad thing to have happen and it sounds like it could happen with yours, too, but you are being saved by distance.

Good luck with this one, deary. Sounds like you need it.

I have a toxic mother like that. I just dont play into with her. Last time She fixed a meal I could not eat (knowing what I can eat). I left and went to mcdonalds and brought back a double quarter pond with cheese and no bun and put it on my plate and did not eat a single bite of her food. She had made Beef stroganoff and used my recipe knowing I could not say no to it.
There were lotsa nasty looks and comments that night. But I stayed on plan

I mentioned to my mom that I was going to give Atkins a try and got the "that isn't good for you" speech, I didn't discuss it with her again. I went up (1500 miles away thankfully) for a visit and never mentioned the diet, just ate my salads and veggies and she thought I was on a low fat kick which she thougth was fine, she didn't know the difference. It is amazing how someone can tell you something is not good for you and not even recognise it, isn't it. hehehe

Maybe you should take some Atkins safe snack items with you that don't have to be refrigerated. That way if you foresee a huge carb-filled meal coming, you can at least eat something beforehand. Then you can just pass on the big-time no-no's by just saying you're not hungry? That way you won't be starving while sitting there watching them eat the pasta or whatever. Then go out and get something that's good for you afterwards?

Or else do what I did when we went to a friend's house for dinner. I just took what I could eat and left the rest. There's almost always veggies served with meals so those are usually safe. I even took some of the pasta and meat dish and then just picked the meat out. Even though I was pretty sure the sauce wasn't the best thing for me, I figured 2 or 3 pieces of meat couldn't possibly have that much sauce on them. Let them look at you funny, who cares??

I just told them I've got a sensitive stomach (which I DO -- sensitive to carbs that is!!).

Julie

Well... Maybe I was a bit too harsh about dear old Mom.
I wouldn't go so far to characterize my mother as "toxic". Rather, I'd say that as her age advances (mid-70s) she's losing the ability to adapt to that which is different (read "threatening"). That old saw about old dogs and new tricks certainly seems to apply here.
Mom just can't/won't realize that the modalities which suited her perfectly throughout her adulthood may not suit her children, or in this case, child. She never once had to watch her weight. Lost all of her baby weight within six weeks of childbirth. Could, probably still can, eat a pound of chocolates in one sitting without gaining an ounce. Simply doesn't understand why her daughter, who takes after her paternal aunts, just can't cut back a calorie or two and drop seven pounds.

ON THE OTHER HAND..... Sister-in-law is so toxic that the EPA should issue a warning! Another SIL, who's also on Atkins, and I have had a few, fun-filled discussions about SIL#1's motivation.

Isn't armchair psychoanalysis fun???

Oh my, I really feel for you. Maybe once you arrive, you can have a speech prepared of your own, outlining what you are doing and that you intend to sticking with the plan, that you feel great and it's your business alone - hopefully hubby backs you up on this, and don't eat what you don't want to eat -- You are grown now and can make your own decisions and they should respect your wishes. My MIL,every holiday makes so many deserts and then gets upset because nobody eats them, but then always says, she's giving up sweets for Lent. We're going for Thanksgiving and like you, I'll be ***mned if I'm going eat what I don't want to. Good luck, everyone is here for you.

Vikki

my mom is toxic....... 300lbs of fiery Italian mother.
To her you live to eat not eat to live. No wonder I became a chef!!!! In our house everything revolved around the table. So my dieting is a afront to her upbringing. On one hand she compains my daughter if fat... Then complains when she wont eat!!!!! I you ever watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" His mother is my mother

Give 'em hell pcsqueen!!!

Don't let them throw you off track. Just think of how good it will feel when you prove them all wrong! If I were you, I would definitely go in ready for combat. Mentally start preparing yourself for the war, so to speak. Bring or go buy your own low-carb snacks and always have them at hand. They can't shove the food down your throat, so if you can't eat it, don't! Good luck!

Ian --

I know your Mom's type inside out! It just ain't the Italian mothers. I see or hear about it in Poles (of which there are many in my family), Irish (many, too) Italians (several), Koreans (one), Africans (one), Germans (another hoard), Filipinos (a couple), and Mexicans (one). (We're fast becoming the poster children for The New American Family. )

I'm wondering if it's past poverty and/or the immigrant experience that does it to them.

Regarding "Raymond", when I've watched it, that mother has cracked me up. Can't we all see our moms in her?
However, what really gets me tickled is when Mom emails me about the show and says, "That mother! Glad I'm not like her!"

AND REMEMBER.
We all become our parents....
Soo
Y'wanna join my "So-Help-Me-God-If-I-Get-Like-That-Thow-Me-Off-A-Bridge" Club????

Now I haven't had to do 2 weeks, but I recently went to my family reunion. The whole family has been so bothered by my weight, not openly but secretly saying nastiness behind my back, that I finally do something about it (not for them, but for me) and they all roll their eyes. So we had this family reunion. My hubby and I packed our own goodies (ribeye, chicken breasts, and hamburgers, I've got 5 kiddies too) and all our wonderful goodies and happily ate in front of them. The whole time they waved mashed potatoes, potatoe salad and fudgy brownies in my face. I STOOD FIRM!!! We never gave in! Oh man what a rush it was! It was like winning WWII!

Stand firm, if they ask, tell them, and let it roll off your back, we'll see who's nagging when your thin and looking good and they are still sitting in their pasta!!!

pcsqueen,
Good luck! My mom's favorite game is "Why are you so fat? Here eat this chocolate pie I made you. It's your favorite." Then she wonders why I am ready to scream! Before my last visit, I explained Atkins and what I could eat and told her to fix whatever she wanted for herself and I would take care of myself and family if her stuff didn't work. Of course, she didn't believe me, but I walked in with a cooler full of Atkins friendly food and when she tried to serve pasta and fresh homemade bread I just smiled and opened my cooler and fixed my own. You can do it. Hang tough. If we keep on plan, someday they might see the light! I'll be thinking about you.
Marie

Moms are great aren't they? I'm the only overweight person in my immediate family. Both of my sisters do good to stay at 100 lbs. (and that's right after they've eaten). My brothers are both muscles and slim. My husband and both of my children are slim - NO ONE WANTS ME TO BE FAT BUT...guess what...even though they know I've lost 20 lbs. on Atkins they still ask, "Well, can't you just have one bite of this BLANK (fill in dessert, pasta, chip, etc.). My husband's family are all dyed in the wool Southerners..."Can't live without my cornbread, biscuits, pies, etc. WOW! Do I understand! Everytime someone tries to derail me - on purpose or not - I just remind myself that NO ONE CAN MAKE ME EAT ANYTHING I DON'T WANT TO! YOU CAN DO IT!!! JUST SAY NO! When you've reached your goal, you'll know that you've not only done something great for yourself, but you've done it when no one else thought you could. Good luck! I'll be rooting for you.

This post is cracking me up!



I'm sooooooo screwed!!! Where do I sign up?

Personally, I think this is the best advice I've read in a long time, Queen.

Just bring your own food, tell your mom, or whoever to not make too much of their food because you won't be eating it, and they are welcomed to have one of your steaks if they'd like.

Tell them about your past success on Atkins and the successes of all the people here you know on Atkins.

If they start to preach lowfat or preach chocolate cake, get up and announce "It's time for my exercise!" and take a long walk, even if you have to go around the block fifteen times.

Also, invest in a sturdy walkman and bring a bunch of favorite cds, I have found that sliding into headphones, closing my eyes and putting my feet up quickly lets nosy inlaws know that I am not in the mood for their mutterings or thinly veiled insults, also great stress reducer.

Good luck! YOU CAN DO IT!


Jasmine