Hey I have a question. I used to be obese and I have lost lots of weight.. I am thin now but still need a few more pounds to get to my goal. This is my question I have noticed that people at work or just people who wouldnt give me the time of day go out of there way to appease me. That upsets me so much. When I was fat they would treat me like I didnt exist... wouldnt open the door.. stop and say Hi... or just be freindly... now its like I cant seem to have enough friends. How shallow can people be. I am nice to all sizes of people because I know how it is to be there and to be here. Anyways my question for the forum is has anyone felt prejudice towards them or towards others before or after weight loss? And if so how does it make you feel? thanks in advance.

Funnily enough, my fiance and I were discussing this just last night...

My natural weight was always 115lbs. I didn't really have to make any effort to be that way at all. I had more friends than I could count! And way more than my fair share of attention from guys. I lived in a world where anyone and everyone was nice... that's just how the world is, right?

Wrong...

Then I fell ill. Then those lovely people in the NHS managed to screw my treatment up so badly I was paralysed and in a wheelchair for the next year. All of a sudden I disappeared off the face of the earth! I went down from countless "friends" to around two... literally! Guys didn't even notice I was there. I actually came back from the supermarket with bruises on my knuckles because people had rammed me with their shopping trollies rather than just give me a chance to get out of their way.

I also put on weight at that time. Not because I wasn't exercising (anyone who says folk in wheelchairs don't exercise has never tried getting even ten yards down the road in one!)... but I was eating "healthily" in the hope of getting better. Lots of salads, lots of steamed vegetables, very low fat... Well, we all know where that one leads!

Suddenly the world was a truly horrible place to be... and people were invariably nasty. The few who bothered to be kind to you did it because you were a cripple, not a person. They'd expect you to be so grateful they noticed you exist, the humiliation almost made you wish they wouldn't bother.

I'm walking again now (long since ditched the doctors... that helped a lot! ) and working on my weight. But yes, I'm still a non-person to the rest of society... except to stare accusingly at me as I reach for a pot of double cream or butter as if to say "Well no wonder you're fat if you eat stuff like that"!

I can't believe how rude people are! I always tried to treat everyone with kindness. Do they really think they're somehow superior because they're thin?! I want to turn round to them and say "You don't know me! You couldn't have gone through a fraction of what I've dealt with in my lifetime. You're just thin... if that's so superior, why aren't you a nicer person because of it?!"

Well I won't be fat for long! Not for anyone else; just because 115lbs was the weight I felt most comfortable, healthy and happy with myself. Losing the weight is one thing...

Losing the jaded attitude to people and life will be much, much harder.

It's not all doom and gloom though! My fiance fell in love with me because of who I am... because of my mind, because of my humour, because of me. Well he gets to keep that for life... and no matter how beautiful I am to him, I intend to make damned sure one day he knows everyone sees what he saw all along... and they're all too late!

I used to weigh 26 stone 7lbs and it was so bad I wanted to die. The weight I could handle but other people predijuce I couldnt. I was treated very badly remarks from strangers when I was shopping or going to work, even on night out with friends!!
I lived in a small City Ripon (only a city due to the cathedrial) and they are a wicked lot. Its funny when I lost 12 stone of my bulk, the men who had been so nasty and tortured me for years, had the bareface cheek to chat me up when I was out ( they didnt recognise me!!) They soon got a short sharp shock when I reminded them what bastards they had been.
Women where just as bad I had to take a lot of abuse at work I worked as a manager of a Pizza Shop so all the drunks of the night would always have something to say. I still want to cry about it to this day and can never forgive those people who made my life a living hell (did these people ever leave the school playground behind)
I am still overweight but not to the extent I am riduculled, but I hate hearing people doing it to others who are larger than me, who do people think they are that they can taunt and mock other humans because they weigh more? Shallow dosent even start to say what kind of people they are!!!

Sometimes they are not shallow people.....they are motivated by fear. Until we all walk in each other's shoes......we'll never know.

quite true redhead, but I am sure if they just stopped and thought for one moment to what damage they are doing, I now have to see a councillor to help repair the damage they have caused!!

lburnikell,

"They" are not responsible for our choices. I am sure if you search your heart your obesity is not because someone did not accept you for your size. Don't confuse body image with self image.

It's not fair that people don't accept or like obesity. This has been going on for centuries. What alternative do we have? Stop being the victim and hiding behind the fat.

With due respect, I don't think Lynda was blaming her obesity on anyone... merely commenting that the cruely and ignorance of others can be very emotionally damaging.

Much as your approach (I grew up in a town with enough new-agers and "therapists" to recognise the pattern of speech!) may work for you, it seems a little unfair to make assumptions about how others feel... especially given your earlier post about walking in another's shoes. To judge another's emotions so swiftly seems somewhat harsh.

I'm sure you intended to come across more supportive than that though... The medium of text can all too often be misinterpreted!

Perhaps we should all move to Africa or Greenland where fat is considered positively desirable?!

Thank you for that response you said exactly what I meant!!
I dont blame anybody for being obese, that was my own doing, I ate the food that made me that way!!
But what I do blame are the people with there cruel taunts nasty actions, spitting and throwing drinks,food etc at you. because I am fat did I deserve to be treated this way NO!! I am undergoing councilling due to bullying which stared at school and countinued through into my adult life!!
So I am sorry Redhead if youy think I am wrong to blame these people but belive me, fat I may have been but underneath it all I was still human with feelings!!

You say: underneath it all I was still human with feelings!!

I never doubted that for a moment. My point was only that we make choices. You can make the choice not to be a victim and not give them the power over you. It is only my opinion. If we all agreed what a boring world it would be.

well it would be nice to be a strong as you!!
Maybe now I am not the victim but somebody else will be, but its not a case of choosing it, its people other comments and actions that upset peope. I fought back everyday I went out there and held my head up high, but it still didnt stop other people abusing me!! Take a moment and think about what upsets you most and then think about people ridiculing you everday, see how long you can last without it getting to you!!

I might be wrong, but I think that it is a stretch to blame it over obesity. It is more a question of attitude. Perhaps you are too shy or they are a group of independant people. IMO, continue to be courteous and talk to other people about your experiences, your opinions and avoid to focus only on subjects that can be potentially perceived as obsesssive, as weight management. You were determined enough to lose all this weight, so I am sure that you will find a way to make your social relations more relax. It is your ball. Just my 2 cents. Good luck.

Yes we all make our choices but sometimes it is the comments and actions of others that force us to make those choices.
Many people have a weight problem purely down to being a lone and comfort eating. Then in turn you become overweight and hate yourself for it, to me body image and self image are very much connected. When you are low and feeling bad about your weight and others make hurtful comments it is just reinforcing that others see you the way you feel about yourself, then what is left a chocolate bar to make you feel better or suicide?
To be able to lose the weight and regain your self esteem you need to be strong and have some kind of support, not everyone has this!

People with weight problems do need understanding, people who discriminate or make fun of overweight people do not, there is no excuse for it and it's never exceptable. I have no idea why people can be so cruel but i certainly do not believe they do it out of fear.

I think a lot of this issue centers around being a woman and how men treat women generally. Women are expected to be a certain weight and are rarely the chummy fat guy who is just funny and OK. Men have a relationship of teasing one another that is exclusive to them, women would never say the things to heavy men that they are willing to say to women. We are looked at as much for of an object that should be looked at [is sexual], that is why so many young women are anorexic, bulemic and as of late having breast surgery.
It is something that is reprehensible and should be studied as the dual issue that it is-sex and weight or more appropriately the intersection of sex and weight .
This is not something we choose to percieve and it is incredibly naive to say we have a choice of how we allow others to view us, redhead. As to our choice of what we eat, yes we have complete control over that, but for us to choose how men percieve to view women as objects to be desired or scorned is completely involuntary and a form of abuse.

I think a lot of it has to do with their own insecurities...Even being as fat as I am/was, I could still walk into a party and intimidate/shut down the hottest people there...its all in the mind...If you let people treat you badly they will...

When you're a child, it's alot harder to be strong or not to base your choices on what others think. You're still learning the rules of society and what is considered "normal" and apperently, that's thin.

I hit my full height of 5' 2" while still in the 5th grade. I was the tallest kid in my class from 2-5th grade, except for one boy. I also hit puberty at 8. Looking back at pictures of myself, I wasn't fat at all. I did have great legs, and major curves. That's the problem. I was built like a 16 year old, not a 10-12 year old. When you have to get in line in the gym and step on a scale with the rest of the kids, and have your weight said from the person looking at scale to the preson recording, it can be very emberassing. Back then the other kids and I just saw that my scale reading was alot heigher then thiers. We didn't see the extra 3 inches or boobs.

I don't blame that on my obesity. I do blame alot of it though on my depression, low self esteem growing up, and general hostility. My poor eatinghabits were a mix of following what the family did and some I developed on my own.

It wasn't until I was in high school and later that I relized how small those who commented were. I had one person insult me while I worked in the library, I just looked at him like he was the most immature person and I was shocked how low of a life form he was. I just calmly asked him what his point was and continued to stare. He got flustered and left, never to be heard from again (small town, you couldn't really avoid classmates).

In college the first time I dropped alot of weight getitng down to 138. Suddenly people are alot nicer to you. There are no rude stares, or shouted comments. There isn't the emberassment of not being able to find something in your size, or having to pay extra for the large sizes. I'm lucky I was never to the point I had to pay for 2 seats at places, or endure some of the worst descrimination. I still have problems dealing with occasional depression and low self esteem. I also have no clue on the "social graces" and as a result outside of school or work I don't really talk to people. I havn't had a close friend except my SO since HS, not tha tI don't try, it just seems to not happen.