Ok, maybe not skinny... how about not overweight? My DH has never really been overweight except for the 20 lbs he gained since we've been married (5 yrs) He started going to the gym again and in 2 months is now below his goal weight.

I have known DH since 1989 and I've gone from 150lbs (15 yrs old) up to 320 lbs. He loves me. He is trying to be supportive.... But he truly does not know what this is like. He's happily agreed to keep carbs out of the house, but yesterday I asked him not to eat chicken fingers in front of me and he didn't get why.

Anyone else in this boat with me?

My Dear wife of 31 years is in the 130's and has never been higher. My daughter (30) has never been heavy. Looks like I was elected Lord of the Lard in my family. Woof!

My situation was similar to yours, hubs never gained except for a very few pounds and I kept gaining and gaining and gaining. And he NEVER had a clue how hard it was for me to lose. I hid a lot of my eating from him, being a stay-home mom for about 12 years, it was easy. I used to think that if I only ate what I ate in front of him, I would be a rail. He resented me gaining so much weight and it was a factor in our breakup, although by far not the major one. It is good that he is trying to be supportive, but you can't expect him to ever really "get it", just like you wouldn't be able to if he had another addiction. I am so amazed now that I can be around people eating anything at all and it truly doesn't bother me. That is one of the greatest gifts of this WOE for me.

Take care, keep up the good fight
Tracy

My dh is in great shape. He gained about 35 pounds during both of my pregnancies, but lost it right back. Go figure!!!

In the almost 25 years we have been together, my husband has gone from underweight to average weight for his height. In the same time period, I have gone from high normal weight to obese. In addition to an average weight husband, I also have two thin kids: my 17-year-old son is 6'2" and 150 pounds and my 13-year-old daughter is 5'6" and 120 pounds. They have all been very supportive of my change in the way I am eating and I think they are eating somewhat less junk food than they used to. However, we always have lots of carbs in the house, including bread, ice cream, pasta, etc. and they eat carbs in front of me all the time. I've never felt like I had a right to ask them to stop -- it is their house as well as mine. 99 percent of the time, I honestly am not tempted by their carbs. I think the lack of temptation is a combination of the fact that I find this way of eating very satisfying and I love the way I feel compared to how I felt a year ago -- I don't want to go back to being moody and low energy. The one adjustment I have asked them to make is with regard to restaurants. I will not go to an Italian restaurant that only has pizza and pasta because there is nothing there I can eat. They have been accomodating and we can usually agree on a restaurant where we can all find something we like. I have discovered that California Pizza Kitchen makes very good meal-size salads, so if they really want pizza, we go there.

My hubby has always been thin.....although I must say, he quit smoking with me over two months ago and he has put on about 10 pounds...but that still qualifies him as average....argggggg!! As for his food? He is a meat and potatoes kind of guy and I would never begrudge him his potato...lol. He's also an avid ice cream lover ( I think this is where his 10 pounds came from when he quit smoking )

Nope.....he doesn't know what it's like to struggle with a weight problem....but well, he's had his own struggles in life that I haven't had and all we can do is support each other & love each other as best we can.

Glad to hear I'm not alone. I wonder if I have the 'right' to ask him not to eat tempting things around me? Liz175 had a good point. It's his house too. Some days I am OK with seeing others eat carbs... and other days not so much.

Still Staying Strong!

My husband has never been overweight and at times has been underweight. He's super supportive of my weight loss, and we don't really look at it as "my" problem.

Our long term plan is to grow old together. We have discussed where we both want to be in terms of health, ability to handle activity, finances, relationship, etc. We both are working together to get us there.

For me to have the health and activity capability I want, I need to be at a healthy body weight. Also, if I want to retire earlier than 55, I need to make sure my weight isn't a barrier to getting health insurance. Right now, I need to have the right kind of nutrition so we can enjoy outdoor activities on our land and so that I can be efficient at work. We both do everything we can to be supportive of each others current and potential health issues. For me, that's weight, getting the right amount of activity, sleep and stress management. For Pat, that involves not overdoing with physical labor on our land, getting good quality sleep, managing the things he wants to work on with what can actually be realistically done in a day and making sure his diet can fuel his activity.

My weight isn't something that becomes a negative focus in the family. We treat it like we treat wearing seat belts or being careful using a chain saw. He knows how to recognize physical signs if I have a reaction to hidden carbs and is a huge help. Since I'm on CALP, I have something carby as a reward with my evening meal. Lately that's been frozen cookie dough. I like that stuff so much I know I'd start slicing bigger slices, so his job after dinner is to serve up a sensible portion for me and slightly bigger one for him. Working together for my diet success really helps.

The things that make this really work is that we don't care a lot about my weight. We care about having the right behaviors and activities every day to help our family get to where we want it to be in the future. If having him slice the cookie dough wasn't enough to manage my temptation, we'd have it out of the house so fast you wouldn't believe it. Neither he nor I would be willing to do indulgent things today if it meant jeapordizing our future together. Undermining my food plan would be no different than encouraging him to use power tools unsafely. It just isn't in our family's best interest long term.

My husband is 6'2" and has weighed about 175 for the past ten years. Before that he varied somewhat and may have been as high as 200 (which still isn't very high for his height). The change has come about from his adopting an avid exercise program, which he manages to fit into his day despite long hours and a long commute. He usually works out before work (which means leaving the house around 5 a.m.). I have had very mixed feelings about his routine, which I think borders on exercise-anorexia. I have also joined the gym, which gives me a bit more perspective, but I don't enjoy it the way he seems to. He says that because he works out so early in the day, it doesn't interfere with time he would otherwise spend with the family. There is some truth in this, although on the weekend he can spend as much as 2-3 hours at the gym (long cardio sessions followed by weight training), or sometimes he breaks it up and goes to the gym twice, or rides his bike and then goes to the gym for weights. Get the picture?
When I have asked him why exercise is so very important to him, he says that it makes him feel younger (he is 51) and thinks it helps give him sexual stamina (which I have to admit, he does have!) From what I can tell, he eats very little during the day, then has a substantial but not huge dinner, including wine and often ice cream or other dessert.
To his credit he has never complained about my weight gain, and has supported my new WOE, despite his own preference for the old food pyramid proportions. I also figure there are a lot worse habits for husbands to have than exercising too much.

Hi Melissa,

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from!!! My hubby and I have been together for 17 years (married 14 of it)..and he is STILL the same size as when we met. In fact, he looks exactly the same. He is getting a few grey hairs and wrinkles...but he still makes my heart skip a beat when he walks in a room.

When I first starting dieting...I told him that I could no longer eat the majority of the things he ate. I did treat myself once a week to whatever I was craving that week...but other than that...we ate totally different foods. I had to cook separate meals a lot of times and to be honest, it was hard.

He still drinks his beer, eats his candy and sweets, eats his chips, pasta and potatoes...but he can do that...I can't. I can't deprive him of something he likes just because I can't do it...but it would be nice if they wouldn't do it around us...you know?

Take care and good luck!!

(beautiful children btw)

Thanks so much for all the replies!

This has really made me think about WHY I thought he should not eat tempting carbs in front of me. Long story short... after our twins were born I had zero energy and was suffering from post-partum depression (and didn't know it) I didn't care about what I ate or if I ever lost a pound ever again. Ladies, you can back me up on this.... breastfeeding makes you incredibly hungry. So even though I had TWO reasons to eat large quantities of food, I think it scared my DH to see me on eating binges AND not care about it.

That's when he told me that he would "DO ANYTHING" to help me. He said he was scared for my health and he wanted me to grow old with him. OK. Fastforward to the last few months. DH has never eaten junk... so he's thrilled that I have stopped buying anything tempting (cookies, pastries etc..) Pasta and bread are still in the house for him and the kids, but those don't tempt me for some reason.

I guess I thought the "DO ANYTHING" from him would include honoring my wishes for not eating tempting things in front of me when I'm having a weak moment. I know if I ask him again he would agree to it.... but I also know life happens and it may happen again. I guess ultimately it's up to me. I'm just happy my kids are only babies.... and at 13 months old they can't ask for junk yet.

And if you don't get your kids used to asking for junk, they may never do it. Kids don't need all that sugar and junk food any more than we do. I don't think it's unreasonable for a person to ask their spouse to not eat tempting foods in front of them. You aren't asking him to eliminate them from his diet altogether. He has time away from you when he could eat those things.

If you were an alcoholic, I'm sure he wouldn't be drinking in front of you. IMO, this is no different. My DH is on Atkins with me. He's diabetic, but only about 25# overweight. He doesn't do it as strictly as I do but he doesn't eat things I'd find tempting either.

I agree with UpTheHill in that this is not just 'my' problem. My DH and I want to be with each other for many more years to come and be as healthy as possible so we can enjoy those years. We are supportive of each other in making our dreams come true and if that means he can't have a potato if he wants one, it's a small price to pay.

Mel...I'm in the same boat as you with my hubby...and mine did say he would do anything to help me...and so far he has dont anything...INCLUDING not eating tempting things in front of me....do you have a 'right' to ask him not to...no...but if he loves you he wouldn't...its as simple as that...he may not understand why or how you're feeling...but if he loves and respects you and wants to support you...then he will keep the carbs outside the house when he's not with you

Mel,
Just talk to him...remember he's a guy (sorry guys)...he may be doing it and not even realizing it...or if he is like most (including my DH)...he knows he's doing it, but doesn't think it's that big of a deal.

As I have gotten older, I have come to the conclusion that I thought my husband could read my mind...now I am specific...tactful...but very specific. My DH and I have been together for over 17 years, and just until the last year did I realize that he just didn't "get" the point, he wasn't being mean or didn't love me, he just didn't get it...now I make sure he does.


And if that doesn't work...do what I do....hold out on the "loving" and make him WORK for it!!

Mel,
I had the same problem My husband was skinny as a rail and I kept gaining. He was about 45 when the weight started to pile on and then he understood.
I would talk to him when he's not eating and let him know that it won't be forever.
it's also handy to have food around that you can grab to defuse the craving. Chicken fingers breaded with crushed porkrinds are pretty good.
Hang in there,
Pam