Has anyone else felt insulted when someone gives them a weight loss compliment? Last night a friend told me that now that I've lost weight she can see that I'm pretty. "When you are chubby, you are not so pretty" she added.

I know she meant well but I came away feeling insulted. I can't imagine someone saying "when you were sick, you were not so pretty"

Another friend said "you look great. You got so fat this winter!"

Am I being too sensitive? I guess part of my concern is that I know I will always struggle with my weight and will go through "chubby" times again. I don't like that people are judging me when I'm heavy.

Amy

You're not being sensitive. The supposed compliments are insensitive.

SOCIAL SKILLS OR DIPLOMACY!!

It's one thing to tell your friend:
"Wow you look great - your so thin - that's awesome!!"

or

"You are looking so fabulous these days - 10 years younger!!"

But to follow a compliment with a little slap in the face (you look great now - but you looked bad when you were fat) - well that's "Rude, crude, and socially unacceptable"

You are not being too sensitive.

I believe the only thing to do with thoughtless rude people is IGNORE THEM.

Don't let them lower your self-esteem. You know who you are and can rise above their petty comments.

At least they noticed the weight loss! LOL

Barb

Well, you could throw her a backhanded compliment, but that would reduce you to her level. Or you could look puzzled and ask, "Was that supposed to be a compliment?", but that's still kind of confrontational. According to Miss Manners, when somebody says something she shouldn't have, the correct response is to act like she didn't. I like that one.

Tacking on a negative comment with a positive kinda cancels out the positive one. I would say they know they *should* say something nice but just can't muster it up so they have to throw in a little dig with it. Don't let it bug ya!

I agree that you are not overly sensitive and that these people are incredibly rude; I would never say anything like that to someone I didn't like, never mind a friend!

Is it possible that the real motivation behind remarks like these is jealousy?

Miss Manners is, as always, correct; just ignore them and pat yourself on the back for your accomplishment and remember that doing well, in this case losing weight, is the best revenge!

And if you stick with this WOL you will not have any more of those chubby periods to feel bad about.

Karla

Well dear, some people are just thick as bricks!

But I think this thread is very similar to the one about people having trouble dealing with positive attention after weight loss. With every compliment about your weight loss, you are reminded of the unspoken notice and possible behind your back chatter about your prior weight gain. In this case, the person is accomplishing both at the same time.

I always take double handed comments in the spirit in which they are given. If the person is sincere and kindly, albeit clumsy, I am pleased. If there is underlining resentment or hostility, I shrug it off.

Keep up your good work.

You know...there's honesty and then there's just plain rude and tactless. Those comments from your friends were definitely the latter.
Being fat can be remedied by losing weight. Being rude and tactless...well...I'm not sure there IS a remedy for that.

I honestly don't know if I'd be able to respond to a comment such as "you were not so pretty when you were fat" without saying something like, "Well, at least I had some manners and I didn't lose those with the pounds!"

That was just "Ugly" you have more patience than I do...I have a low tolerance for nonsense stay away from her so her bad Karma won't rub off on you.

Well I guess that I am different then most people. I would have replied with "was that a compliment?". When social skills are lacking, it usually is because no one taught them the correct social skills. Don't sound sarcastic when you say it, sound earnest when you reply "was that a compliment". Most people are unaware that their attempt at being nice is comming across negative. Pointing it out might prevent them from doing it again to someone else.

Amy,I have seen your before and after pics!I have to say you were pretty before and after!So be happy for your success!
I have had similar things said to me by family and friends.I have always just grinned thru it and vent to some else about it!Good thing we can vent to each other here.


My Mom recently told me when she first saw me 4mnths ago after not seeing each other for almost a year.She couldn't believe how big I had gotten.I was like gee thanks mom.I know she didn't mean it that way but It didn't make me feel too good.

My brother say's to me "Sheri you have lost alot of weight you look normal now".I said Ok what did I look like before He says huge lol.He is 14yrs old so I know he probably didnt mean it that way.

I have also had friends say to me:Sheri,You use to be so small and tiny or you have sucha pretty face you should lose some weight.It is terrible the things ppl will say and usually they don't even seem to know what the said was a insult.

I don' t think you're being overly sensitive at all. Your "friends" sound like snobs..or just socially retarded

I'll say, "Gee....thanks,...I think". Sometimes people feel they have to be absolutely black/white truthful. That they have to put in every thought about it. Like, if they give you one compliment you're gonna stop your diet right there. Unfortunately, most people end up focusing on the negative part of the comment. (Me included) These days, I try and focus on the positives. My mom always comments on my gray hairs (if I need a "touch up"). But, I never hear from her that I don't look my age, this I hear from other people all the time. Some people are just like that.

I don't know why people have to be so rude sometimes. My own grandmother made a rude comment/compliment to me when I went to visit in California. She told me "You look really good, I am glad you are losing weight and getting back to your nice figure, you were looking really heavy after you had your baby" Talk about hurt feelings! Those words are etched in my mind.

Ignore the comments and just keep going. That is what I do.