Ok. Here is the truth. I know I have to look it in the face.

I was officially diagnosed 6 weeks ago as having Type II Diabetes. My doctor prescribed Avandia which is an anti-diabetic drug. I didn't fill the prescription. I am still nursing and the box says that you're not supposed to take it if pregnant or nursing. (It's time that I stop nursing though... the baby is 19 months.) I am 36 years old and was gestational diabetic with all 3 of my children but my sugar went back to normal after their birth. I was told that I would most likely become diabetic later in life since gestational diabetes is often a precursor to full blown type II later in life.

I didn't think it would happen this soon. Here is what I know:

I know that if I change my diet, I will be able to control my blood sugar.

I know that I am absolutely addicted to sugar and bread and rice and every other carb under the son.

I know I am insulin resistant Big Time.

I know that my vision has deterriorated markedly in the past year.

I know that every muscle in my body hurts all of the time.

I know that my sugar is very high.

I know that I love my husband and my children.

I know that I want to be around to see them grow up.

I know what I need to do...

So why don't I do it?? Why don't I follow a high-protein diet and stick to it?? Why do I do so well for the first week then absolutely sabotage myself?? Why don't I take my health seriously? If not for my sake then for my families sake? I don't dislike myself, but it's as if I have an underlying death wish or something. I know that I can fix my health problem but losing weight and maintaining a life-style that promotes low blood sugar, but I can't seem to stick with it. SABOTAGE comes naturally to me. It's pretty pathetic.

I adore my kids.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?????!!!!


Jessica