I posted this in my journel but thought I would throw it out to the forum for support.

I'm having a really bad week. Not weight/eating wise but a bad, bad week. My weight this morning is 249.5 which is another 1/2 lb loss from yesterday. God is blessing me with a whoosh as I go through this struggle.

My mother in law is in the hospital and after a couple of days in she seemed to improve, however, about 4 days ago she started to decline and now I'm worried that we might lose her. My father in law came into town last night to visit with my MIL, they have been divorced for a long time, and gave us some bad news. He has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I dont' know how much more I can take of this. My youngest daughter has been sick for over a week and the Docs don't know what it is. They first started treating her for strep throat but the culture came back negative. She has had a week of antibiotics and has gotten worse. Her throat is so sore now that she isn't eating and I have to force her to drink. I took her back to the doctor yesterday and they did a sinus x-ray and said that she has a slight sinus infection. Yesterday she started vomiting. Now she is on another week of antibiotics.

I broke down last night and realized that my old ways of coping with stress were to binge and drink alcohol. I downed a small bottle of wine and got completely buzzed. Then I started looking for food to make me feel better. My family ordered pizza for dinner with garlic bread. I ended up eating the top of 6 slices of pepperoni pizza, then I ate about 3-4 T. of peanut butter on a spoon. This wasn't making me feel better so I started eating the garlic bread dipped in pizza sause. How sick is this, I was so afraid of eating this stuff that I just chewed it and spit it into the trash. I never swallowed a bite. I was still feeling really bad/sad and took some left over turkey and mixed it with mayo and ate that. I knew what I was doing with the food, I was using it to cope. I was stuck in a binge and no matter how much I ate I still felt bad but I kept eating. As I sit here now I can't help but have tears running down my face because I did this!! I having a really bad week!