I have an urge to really get hard on myself. I was thinking of cutting calories to around 1200. Lately I've been eating 1800. I work out like crazy. I use the elliptical for 1-1.5 hours, swim for about 1.5 hours, and lift 3 times a week. I know this isn't healthy, but I'm desperate. I don't know what to do.

I have a fairly low body fat. Not sure what it is though. I was thinner a year ago and want that back. I'd like to look like a fitness model, lean and defined. Sorry if I seem like I'm whining. I just don't know what to do. I know my ideal weight would be under my natural weight, but I've been there before. I only gained because of meds. Those fitness models and competitors get their bf super low, I just want mine a little lower than average. HELP!