First, I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is very painful, but two? You must be so stressed out now
.
Second, I do not at all think you are a failure. You just haven't realized the need to change your outlook towards food, a common mistake many who struggle with weight make. You can't fail at that which you are unaware!
I think you should talk with a psychologist who has experience with compulsive/emotional over eaters, or someone else who can help you. A common mistake dieters make is believing once they physically lose the weight they will just be fine and normal like everyone else. Not true, losing weight is the equivilant of a drug addict going through detox. The biggest thing those of us with a weight problem must over come is learning how to undo a lifetime of behavioral conditioning, and developing/adapting to new coping mechanisms.
If we fail to recognize this need to make a mental shift, just like the drug addict constantly in an out of rehab we will constantly jump up and down the scale.
Though I recognize the physically intoxicating and addictive effects of refined carbohydrate, I think it is naive to exclusively blame the foodstuff for our obesity. All of us became overweight because food became a proxy through which we dealt with the world. We are the alcoholics, and the rest of the world are those who can drink without problems. It is our
mind that created the problem, not the food. We eat when happy, eat when sad, eat when bored, eat when excited, etc. We must break this addict mind set. Like you, when I feel out of control, I begin to feel depressed and my INSTANT unconcious reaction is to go stuff my face. That is traditionally how if relaxed. However, I've learned to catch myself, and I
always resist temptation because know emotinal eating will send me back down the spiral of food addiction and morbid obesity.
The high and internal gratification which comes from resisting temptation to binge has in a way replaced the need food used to satisfy. I think most of us over eat for two reasons, food has a soothing effect (like a drug), and when we feel out of control due to our environment or circumstance, binge eating gives us (a false) sense of control. I think analyzing your behavior and consciously working to stop negative trends can replace the lost control you feel during depression (in this case, triggered by the passing of family members), and therefore suppresses the pangs to over eat. Replace your bad compulsion (binging) with a constructive one (introspective analyzing and exerting postive self-control)
.
98% of people fail to keep the weight off, because very few people address the psychological aspect of obesity and overweight. It is important to remember for all of us on this LC diet, unless your mind set is changed no matter how thin we get down to we will always regain the weight back. End of story. We must stop looking at food like an alcoholic looks at booze, as a source of comfort to soothe Every Nasty Little Thing That Will Ever Happen in your life. We must learn alternative, constructive ways of dealing with life. If we don't, as soon as we run into problems we
will run a risk of gaining again (as our alcoholic would fall off the wagon).
Good luck, and I hope everything works out soon.