I caught a slight cold from my daughter. I stayed home from work today. I’ve missed a lot of work lately so I feel guilty about being home.

Anyway, my weight loss is not going as well as I would like. Bad decisions on my part have me stalled. Of course when weight loss is rapid…I’m gunho. But when things are not moving fast (again because of my OWN bad choices), I tend to do the whole “I’ll start again tomorrow”. I passed our full length mirror earlier...the first thought was something like..Wow, you're a pig!! the second was I wonder what I can eat in the kitchen? How sick is that? I loath me because I'm fat and to make myself feel better, I want to make it worse????

Long story short, I have had 2 cups of coffee and a piece of cheese today. I am hiding out in my bedroom because I want to destroy myself with horrible food.

I’m going into the kitchen now and I’m making myself a tuna salad. Period! And I’m going to drink some water (which I have also failed to do).

I just don’t understand why habits are so hard to change. What is my payoff!?!? Today, I am NOT going to cave. Today I’m going to enjoy good food and the feeling that I was good to myself. It may not be easy, but the longer I stay strong, the easier it will become. The more self respect I will have and the more loving I can be to me! The only person that can save me, is me. God help us all! LOL!

The payoff is NOT CHANGING.

Because we humans are incredibly resistant to giving up anything.

Why do we have pens that don't write, underwear that won't stay up, and food in the fridge that we're not going to eat but hasn't gone bad yet?

Because we don't want to give up anything.

And you don't believe it's possible. Because if you did, you'd give up the bad food. Imagine you were dusting a lamp and out popped a genie. He'd give you a slimmer body if you promised never to eat that stuff again.

Would you believe him?

Would you take the bargain?

Would you keep your promise?

We all go through it you are not alone!! You just gotta get through one meal at a time.
It's important for your health you can do this!!

Thanks to both of you. Werebear, I love what you had to say about not wanting to change. Change is hard, I stay where it is comfortable and secure. The unknown is well...unknown! Anything could happen. but on the other hand I could stay there and then NOTHING would happen. I guess I need to choose my path! Kaylakala - Thank you for confirming I'm not alone. I did it so far. And now that I've actually eaten, I feel much better. Sometimes, i just need someone to tell me..I'm not the only one. And when two people so near their goals chime in, it gives me hope. Thanks!!

Its hard. Period.
Losing food as your comfort feels a lot like losing a close friend in death. You go through a period of mourning for your loss.
But, time does heal it. And you find other things for comfort. A nice slow walk in the fresh air.
Wearing something new and feeling good about yourself.
Making new friends or spending time rekindling old ones.

There are so many things to get joy from in life other than food. You just have to rediscover them!

I completely understand the emotional eating and stubborness. Last night, after having a disappointing day at work, I made myself a nice LC meal because I was hungry. Afterwards, I just felt so empty, like nothing could fill me up. And then, I started to eat and eat and eat. Anything I could get my hands on. Before I knew it, I had done quite a bit of damage and went to bed with a bloated tummy and feeling miserable. Before I fell asleep, I was able to recognize it as emotional eating. Hence the bottomless pit that I felt was my stomach. My stomach wasn't calling out for food as I had just eaten, but my emotions were. "Soothe me," they said. I am at a place now where I can say enough is enough. I am back on track and feeling really positive about it. I am making plans to soothe my emotions in other ways besides putting food in my mouth. I'm really stubborn, and I've had a hard time accepting that I can't eat carbs, can't eat like others can. But it's time to accept that and channel my stubborness in a more healthy direction. I can totally relate to you, and I'm rooting for you as well as myself.

Oh, yes, what a breakthrough for you!

We have to teach ourselves (since our culture rarely does and our parents rarely can) what that feeling is and how best it should be handled.

We so often panic and flee from our emotions; when all they want is to be acknowledged and then have their needs met.

There you go.