Razzle,

As a guy (a small minority here! ), I think if a guy shows interest, that simply means he's already interested Naked or clothed, doesn't make any difference, as the only way we'd be surprised, is if there are hidden looks. Usually due to second degree burns or unusual skin disfiguration. As human beings, we project our images unto others, and can reasonably predict what others look like in their birthday suits. So, for all it's worth, if a guy sees you clothed, he has already seen you naked.

But away from all this physical dimension we all look for a mental/spiritual connection. Once we lay sight on a partner, the only thing that can go wrong is none-physical compatibility, since the physical aspect is already exposed from first sight. This should show up in a very short time after a few conversations. So I wouldn't worry about the physical part, it's already "covered".

Wa'il

Jim, hopefully that place that has "morals and decency" can also offer some reading skills!

Consider this more than just a suggestion, as our forum rules that you have agreed to, do not allow you to question other members decency and morality.

Let's stick to support here, and we can share links to other moral, religious and political discussion forums for those who are interested.

Wa'il

Now that you're more convinced than ever, you have no reason to be visiting this thread.

The Newbies Questions forum is packed with great information. You'll probably find it less involved and significant than what's going on here.

Karen

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Everyday life is a learning experience.

I like your attitude!!

I don't think I have anything real intelligent to add here, but I really enjoyed reading this thread.

I think I have to agree with Wa'il though....if a guy has shown interest, he's seen the packaging.

On the night/day of your date, make sure you leave lots of time to pamper yourself...a nice long bath where you can relax. Time so that you don't have to be rushing around feeling stressed out before you even leave the house.

I remember when I first started lowcarbing (before the Lowcarb Forum here came to be), and I was surfing another site, and there was a conversation about how great everyone's sex lives where since they started lowcarbing... (Hey, what incentive to lowcarb!!) Anyways, the bottom line was the group concensus seemed to be that they felt sexier after losing some weight.

Anyways, good luck with your date. Keep us posted.

Jim

You are right, some people here do have issues surrounding more than just the physical ones involved in weight loss. In fact, some people have some self esteem issues, some have some acceptance issues and some have trust issues. Given that, this website is usually and ideal place to be, because in general, people don't violate each other here. I appreciate that you might choose a different path for yourself than some members here, but I would think that given your lack of agreement here is based on a judgment of someones values, and therefore a judgement of them as a person, that it is inappropriate and ineffective and contrary to the spirit of the community of people, who try to provide each other with fair minded advice and encouragement. If we have to fear personal attacks and criticisms here, than what is the point of posting? There is enough fear in the world for people with "issues". Please forgo the negativity and judgment. You always have the option to pass by the commentary you don't agree with, or to present your arguements in a manner that does not insinuate personal judgements or attacks.

Mari

Very well put Mari.

I'm certain this must have been discussed before, and I'm certain I'm not the only person who feels this way but...well, here I am discussing it. I went to a NyE party and two men showed interest in me and one actually asked me out and I am in a half-panic about it. And I don't have booze, drugs, or carbs to settle me down! (I would take up smoking, but it's disgusting...lol)

I know that many of us felt safe and secure from the difficulties of romantic relationships in our overcoat of extra fat. I know that many of us don't jump up and down with joy at the thought of getting naked in front of someone new (yeah, I know I'm not up to "naked" with this guy yet, but let's admit it...this IS where such things lead, if all goes well)....I both like and hate the added attention from men whenever I slim down. I know I'm not alone in these thoughts/feelings, but it would help me to hear others talk about their experiences. Maybe one of you has some insight, experience, knowledge, advice that would help me feel calmer about this date and the whole process of losing weight and how that changes one's love life.

So have at it! And thanks in advance.

you guys were very very helpful...and then I talked with one of my wisest friends (a woman very active in the recovery community) and she too said, "you're nervous because you're imagining a future. stay in the moment!" And so I did, and...he was no great shakes...lol. Or not the guy for me, rather.

But wow! I learned so much this week, I'm grateful for the experience. I learned that I can find a good balance between trusting my instincts about "warning signs" while allowing a person some slack for "first date nervousness gaffes." (I had feared since I'd chosen some unhealthy relationships in the past, I was sure to continue the pattern...but now I'm not afraid of that!) I thought a lot the night of the date about what it was that didn't attract me about him...and really began articulating to myself what it is I AM looking for in a friend/lover. (For one thing, no "dates!" -- relationships only work for me if I meet someone in the process of just living my life and interact with him and see him interact with others normally for some time and let an attraction grow slowly, in context out of that simply living my life)

So the date wasn't wonderful but the experience was simply great! Epiphanic! Just what I needed from a kind universe.

Thanks for your help, people--it really was very helpful indeed.

guys, thanks so much. I loved these responses. There is great wisdom here, and I LMBO ~ wa'il and alto's funny responses. (I swear, I find nothing more therapeutic or calming than laughing at myself!) And thanks sooooo much, wa'il for the thought that every man who expresses interest has "already seen [me] naked." That one really calmed me down. lol. and Marlaine, I really will look for that book--sounds like my kind of dating book!

you guys are pretty darned smart, you know that?

thanks yoga! It's flattering but weird. Nice to know that at age 46, I still got some part of "IT" -- lol. The last guy I dated before this was 32 also flattering.

and alibabka (*love* your name BTW!), I'd have pmed you with this, but you haven't yet enough posts, so... ok, I'll do it here and risk a moderator erasing it ! (and for those great moderators!)

Men have some sperm (maybe 10% of 'em) called "killer sperm" which cannot fertlize an egg, but whose only job it is to seek out and destroy other men's sperm. Sperm lives inside a woman for 72 hours, max. This means that at some point in our evolutionary past, and probably not that long ago (welll, in evolutionary terms--maybe 100,000 years ago), we women were having sex with MANY MANY partners, one after the other. Otherwise, there would have been no need for killer sperm to evolve. Such mechanisms only evolve when there is a need for them. Thus, if one believes in a Divine Creator, we were meant by Her/him to have plenty of sex with plenty of different guys. Not that I do, but somehow, I find it a cheery thought, and a good antidote to a culture that would have us deny our own wonderful, joyous, active sexuality.

thanks wa'il...you've also kept me from responding with a lengthy academic discussion of normal female sexuality, the discovery of "killer sperm" and its significance, cultural relativism, problems with the patriarchy, and the history of marriage as slave state...lol. You're right, not appropriate for the forum and probably would have bored anyone else half to death!

and they say irony is dead

Wow, that is very hard to believe. But interesting point Wa'il, it is nice to get the guys point of view on these things..

Cindy

Razzle - how flattering! Go read those resolutions I posted below in this General section.

The one that says "Burn your fear of rejection"

Read it till you believe it. And good luck out there, we're pulling for ya.