Just a thought.
I answered a thread where the girl was trying to get quite thin. Lots of us answered it with gentle advice including a 'take care of your health', then someone waded in and almost shouted at her about anorexia etc. Well - yes, I expect that had occurred to most of the folk answering her, but does lecturing people about it help?

Then I've had a post, where someone is pointing out to me that I'm a healthy weight for my height, blah, blah and why do I want to lose 7 more pounds.

I sort of object. I know what I look like. I know what I look like with 7 pounds more and 7 pounds less. With 7 pounds less I will still be able to grab fat - but at a level that I consider OK. Of course I'm at a healthy weight now - and so I will be 7 pounds lighter - that healthy band is quite broad.

Who is anyone else to decide that I, or someone else, is clueless, deluded, stupidly anorexic or anything else?

OK, they might be concerned - but it sort of assumes that whoever we're talking to isn't able to run their own lives sensibly. Even if we are concerned, how much notice does anyone ever take of being lectured?

I think we should help folk with info. and support but stop acting like their parents.
What's anyone else's view?

jaykay: I agree with you mostly. However, I think when someone is saying that "Life sucks, I feel HUGE, I'm so depressed" when they are 5 lbs above their goal weight, they may have issues. I'm sure that while you want to lose that last 6, you don't feel HUGE by any stretch of your imagination?

You're right though, lecturing won't help. However by posting on here aren't we inviting opinions? And some people will have stronger opinions than others...

Cheers
Steven

Unfortunately all weight loss forums attract people with eating disorders.

Also unfortunately, we have several current members here who fall into that category. I frequently answer them to try to encourage them to seek help for this life threatening illness.


If you see posts where anyone uses terms such as "clueless," deluded" or "stupid" those posts should be reported for flaming. This site is all about support, not overt criticism and rudeness is not tolerated.

Have you ever seen anybody dying of anorexia? I have and it is tragic. These people are simply not capable of "running their lives sensibly." The illness takes control, which is why they do need to be encouraged to seek help. I agree that simply lecturing them does not help, however telling them they are fine (as I have seen some people do) is not okay either.

BTW Jay, as you know, your goal weight is well within the healthy range, so anyone suggesting you are too thin or whatever is simply misguided.

rose:Rosebud

OK...I gotta get in on this one!

I've always been the sort of person that, when confronted by someone who says they're HUGE/FAT/GROTESQUE at 5'9 and 125 lbs, tends to think "OK...is someone VAIN"?

That was until I actually met someone who was anorexic...

All I can tell you now is that I don't feel that way anymore! This person was 5'9 (my height), large-frame (like me) and finally ended up in the hospital after reaching a weight of 100 lbs. She's still not over it.

Yes, there are those who, for vanity's sake, want to lose "just one more size" just so she can say "I wear a size 6"...and there's a bunch of 'em out there. However, I have to pull back and look a person up and down before I pass judgement like I used to.

Sherry

Sinbad and Rosebud, you're both darlings and much more measured than me! I think I must have been in a particular grouch yesterday!
I did think the 'advice' some people gave was a bit harsh, but me whinging about it isn't any better.
Rosebud, they didn't actually say those things, it just felt like it.
Fortunately I have woken up in a much sunnier mood - I resolve to look for the good intentions behind people's posts and not get mad and mutter.

You're right about the anorexic folk - it is so worrying and yet so hard to know how to deal with them best - I can see (this morning ) why someone might get so scared or exasperated they lecture them.

Enough - Jay goes away to practise being less grouchy.
Take care,

(Edited in - P.S. Hi 60'schild, we must have been posting at the same time!)

JayKay...

Probably so...what time is it over there??? 4:24AM here...getting SLEEPY!

Sherry

Hi, its nearly 10am here, DH is still snoring, so I'm on the computer. 4.30am?! - that's way past my bedtime
Take care, Jay

I'll add my 2 cents to this one.
Will it do any good to tell someone who is 5' 6" and complaining about not being able to get down to 110 pounds no matter how much she low carbs (yes, I know I'm being sexist here and that men get anorexia, too, but currently it's much more common in women than men) and that they feel "huge" and "fat" at 115 pounds that they may have an eating disorder? Maybe. Maybe not. At the very least, the person in my example above would have some self-image issues that need addressing. Since this is a message board and most of the posters are fairly anonymous, we obviously can't MAKE someone take our advice, BUT...to not say anything or try to give them advice on how to lose more weight is far more harmful, IMHO, than pointing out to them that they are already far thinner than they should be and should consider seeking professional help if they see themselves as fat at the weight they are currently at if they are already well below what would be considered a "healthy" weight range or body fat percentage for their reported height.
Yes, some people can get a little overzealous and see an eating disorder when in fact there is none, but better to have someone question your goal weight and motives for wanting to lose more weight and be wrong than encourage someone who is possibly developing an eating disoder to continue in that behavior and wind up very sick or worse.



Exactly. My personal feeling on that is that if you don't want or aren't prepared for an honest answer (right, wrong or otherwise), don't ask the question. There's no need to jump on someone or be overly harsh in your response, but posting an opinion politely is part of the whole message board principle when a question is asked.

Just a vent - this has nothing to do with what people have posted in this thread thus far. I just need to get this out and don't want to bitch at the people who care about me.

I am so sick of people telling me I look "fine" or even "great" and why would I want to lose any more weight? Or that I'm obsessed or have an unhealthy body image or I'll get sick or the list goes on and on.

I know I look fine. I don't want to look fine, I want to look like I work out as much as I do, I want to look like I take care of myself as much as I do and I want to be PROUD when I look in the mirror. I've come so damned far in the last few years in terms of physical and emotional growth and I don't feel average, so I don't want to look average. It has nothing to do with attracting people, or wearing a certain size. I have (in my opinion) the best husband there is, he thinks I look amazing and that's what counts. I care about what *I* think about myself - why would someone tell me not to shoot for my goals? I wasn't born with a good figure, and until now I've *never* had one worth looking at. I just don't think it's unreasonable to want to look close to the best I can - and to me that does not involve the amount of fat that I have on my belly. I get tired of people telling me to loosen up and eat this and eat that and skip this workout because I don't need it and acting like there is something wrong with me because I want my body in great working order.

Ok, vent over.

Meg

I hear you, Meg, but the difference between you wanting to look great and feel proud of yourself when you look in the mirror and an anorexic is that when the anorexic looks in the mirror, they don't feel proud of themselves or like what they see no matter HOW thin they get which is why I get concerned when I see posts from a person who is already well below what would be considered a healthy weight range for their height complaining that they are still fat and need to lose more. With anorexia, you have a person who is literally starving themselves (and often exercising themselves) to death and yet they still see a fat person when they look in the mirror.
At 5' 10", I would not consider 150 pounds to be an unrealistic goal weight, but I would be very concerned if you were to post that you wanted to get to, say, 130 pounds or less or were already at 140 pounds and still posting that you thought that you were fat. What many people think of as "fat" is simply untoned and in that case losing more will not get the results that they are after...they'll be thinner to be sure, but still flabby.
And then you have people like me who have a genetic tendency to have a bit of a rounded belly no matter how thin I am. When I was in high school and very athletic (and also at 112 pounds), I once complained to my doctor about my rounded tummy and the fact that I couldn't seem to lose it no matter how much I dieted or how many sit ups I did and he point blank told me that the only thing that would take care of that was plastic surgery and that no amount of excercise or dieting was going to make it go away; it's just the way my body is built.

This is the way I see it. The weight someone wants to be is their own personal business. I think it's rude when people accuse other's of eating disorders. If you don't know the person, you really don't know what their body looks like or how they carry weight, or what weight they would look good at. I have friends who are 5'5" and 105 and they look perfectly fine. Some people here would tell them rude comments. Who are we to judge what others should weigh? I think we should answer the question they present but keep our feelings about their weight to ourselves. If someone is aneorexic I don't think categorizing and telling them they are nuts is helpful. It takes a lot for a person with an eating disorder to get help and I don't think that a stranger telling them they are too thin is going to help. Just my opinion.

Just had to comment on this one, I'm now within 5 lbs of my goal weight, 196 to 133 (goal 128) in 10 months. I still feel "fat" no matter what anyone else says, I think after a lifetime of being overweight it takes longer for your mind to realize that you're no longer overweight. I keep jumping back & forth, maybe I need to be 123 to drop this belly fat (I think it's actually just skin that hasn't firmed up yet) but because I realize it's mostly in my mind, I'm going to stop at 128 and wait 6 months and see how I feel then before trying to lose anymore. No matter how much you tell someone that they look great, don't need to lose any more weight, etc, etc, unless that person can look in the mirror and say to themselves "I'm OK, I look good, I'm healthy" and truly believe it, they'll still feel like a fat person inside. I actually had this discussion earlier with my hubby, telling him that "I'm still a "fat" person inside, my feelings are no different, I still don't like people looking at me, etc, because I have not adjusted to being a normal weight." <sigh>
Suzy

I have read that the body redistributes itself when getting into those last 10 pounds so waiting for some months or losing the last pounds VERY slowly would be good. Things could change as the body adjusts.

The goal weight may need changing as the losing goes on. People losing on LC keep and even gain lean muscle while losing the fat. So the scale seems to stand still or go very slowly. But the shape changes. For the same reason, a person may find they are smaller than they expected while at a higher weight than they thought they wanted. So be prepared to change the goal as you look better.

I know that, far as I still am from my goal, I am smaller at this weight 'on the way down' than I was at 20 pounds less on 'the way up.'

Well...It's late and I'm probably projecting. But I think 105 pounds for someone 5 feet, 5 inches is a bit low. . Reminds me of poor kids I have seen at the mall lately.

If these girls want to starve themselves, so be it. But what of their friends? The trend seems to keep going downwards, and this worries me.... Where does it stop? What is happening to a "normal" female body image?

Nevermind "normal image" and what's attainable, what about biological health? It seems that the looks that are desirable and fashionable are so thin - depending on where you look either thin scrawny or thin and muscular. Either way.. I wish that society would take biological health into perspective when what images of what looks "good" are projected out there and forced upon everyone. It is kind of annoying that what I feel looks good (on myself or any woman), and feels good, is too fat to be considered - IDEAL, which is silly because it's sort of ideal from a health standpoint. Yes, you can get into, "who cares what everyone else thinks, it's how you feel that matters" but no matter how much I don't care, there is still a small part which will always be in there that does care, somewhat, sometimes more than others.