Good morning everyone!! I just want you all to know that this is very hard for me to write so please bare with me...



As some of you may know I have lost alot of weight, 115lbs to be exact.... Well many people think that this is just great and that I should be happy ALL the time... I mean their comments are like "Why should you ever be sad? or mad? Look where you were, and look where you are at now?" Well I am just not happy these days.. I feel very unsettled in my life. I guess it is the "new" me but I don't know how to deal with the new me... I will NEVER go back to the old me believe me but I am just trying to adjust... which is very hard... I am not sure what all these feelings are that I am feeling... mind you I was never happy with the old me but just not sure about myself now... I have lost alot of weight, feel better health wise...but I still see myself as a fat person. When I look in the mirror I see all the loose skin, the ever bulging gut, the huge calves that I have (I know they are muscle but still does not help that they are huge)... Why can't I look in the mirror and say "Damn girl! You look awesome!! Strut your stuff!!!" My DH (dear husband) has always been supportive of me and he is trying to get me to see how "great" I look but I just can't see it... I am not for sure if I will ever see it... I don't know what I can tell him to do to make it "all better" because I don't know... I haven't been sleeping well lately-- about 3-4 hours a night... I try to go to bed late in the night so I can sleep later...doesn't work... I try to go to bed early to get a good nite's sleep... does work... last three days I have been up at 3 a.m. Maybe some of this "depression" is due to lack of sleep. I think I may call the doctor today and set up an appointment to talk to him. I believe there is a huge mental change a person goes through when their body goes through a huge change but can't really seem to find much on it... research wise I mean... I guess I will just keep plugging away... It doesn't help that I am up 3 lbs for NO reason!! Hopefully it will go away soon!!



Sorry for the ramble, whining, venting, etc... no need to respond but a prayer for me sure would be appreciated!!



Juls

You know, I understand how you feel. Twenty years ago I lost 120 lbs. I did not noticed the change, as like you said, you still feel fat. The only time I noticed the change is when I went and had a photo taken for the university. At that moment I realized that there was a different person in front of me. It it difficult to accept all the changes, especially if you have been overweight all your life. I of course, went back and gained all that weight back plus added more. I am now trying to lose it again, although this time is more difficult.

I think you are depressed now and need to take care of that depression. You also need to accept yourself and realize that not everyone can do what you have just done. It is a great accomplishment and you need to give yourself credit for that.

I know that I did not appreciate what I did then, but this time, I am going to appreciate it a lot and I am not going to allow myself get fat again. The brain is something very interesting and right now it is not working for you. It wants you back the way you were. Please do not allow it to win. I am sure that you feel better now and more healthy, able to do things you were not able to do before. Enjoy the new you, take care of your depression and accept yourself.

I hope my words can bring some relieve.

You WILL see it, but you gotta stop beating yourself up, because there is no reason to do that. When you learn to accept yourself as a different looking person, then you will see that difference. Read my posts in my journal, and you'll understand you're not alone in this. Oh, and don't worry, I only have 10pages so far, LOL. As for seeing a doc, that'd be a good idea, only a regular GP would probably just put you on antidepressants instead of getting at the real problem that lays underneath. Perhaps along with seeing a physician, you make an appt. with a psychiatrist or counselor too?

Good luck to you,
mel

Heya,

I know how you feel. I am going through something similar where I look at myself and still see the me who was 250+ Lbs

I got some before pictures of me developed yesterday (I waited forever to get them since I was too ashamed to go into the store and pick them up knowing someone saw me looking that way)

I was in shock at the pictures, because part of me is like holy shit you look like a different person, and part of me still sees me as looking like that, and like I didnt lose that much or something. I still look like that fat girl. I am assuming that I just need to lose more and thats why.

I cant understand it all fully.

Its very difficult mentally to go through a transformation like this, and maybe some help would be a good idea.

It doesnt even need to be a therapist. Sometimes just talking about it and having someone listen and getting it all out can be helpful.

good luck and congrats on your loss.

I think everyone above has said about everything needed,my thoughts and prayers are with you and just remember no matter what kind of change a person goes through good or bad it is still an adjustment

{{{{{Juls}}}}} I hope you can learn to see yourself as the strong person you are. You have accomplished alot and I totally admire your strength. Ive heard people say that Dr. Phil deals with this issue. Maybe you can check his web site for info. Hugs.....Jan

Having suffered through chronic depression for much of my life, I can understand what you're going through. Often, fat is used as a psychological defense, suppressing a lot of issues that we would rather not handle. We often don't realize this, as we may think, "After I lose all of this excess weight, I will be happy again." We're not even aware that the fat itself is protecting us from our feelings. Once the "fat shield" is gone, we are left wide open and feeling vulnerable. That defense is no longer there, and things that your fat was insulating are now out in the open, waiting to be dealt with. It is a very frightening time, and can lead to depression.
IMO, a combination of anti-depressants and psychological counselling might be something that could help you deal with the new, thin you.
I am thinking of you. Best of luck, and warm wishes are with you always.

Juls,
I will pray for you!

From reading your post all I could think of is that you need to disconnect from how you look physically with how you view yourself as a human being. I know that's not easy, because we're a society which places too much value on appearance.

You're a person of faith, so turn to the source of that faith for help in dealing with your self-esteme.

God Bless
Jim

You are so brave for speaking out to say something. Many people will just let themselves sink deeper in to the depresson befor they ever bother to think about it. I think you may need to just speak to a professional that can help you work your issues through. The fact that you feel there may be a problem actually gives you power. Now all you need to do is figure out what the best way to manage is for you. My thoughts are with you.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care and God Bless

All of what everyone describes is perfectly NORMAL, so really, don't beat yourself up over it. I think some reading might be just the trick. Dr. Phil's Weight Loss solution really deals with a lot of the psychological issues that made us heavy to begin with, and even when you lose the weight, you still have the issues, you also may feel much more vulnerable in your smaller self, all very normal , I think taking a new class, maybe yoga, is very relaxing, is great for the psyche and will help you sleep better, even a regular massage could be great!

Francis Kuffel wrote a great book "Passing For Thin" which I think would be a great self-help read, you can get it at your local library or bookstore, it's an awesome and inspiring book.

I don't think you need to be on anti-depressents, I think you just need time & reflection to get used to the new you and like I said, exercise is a great way to be more in control of your body, and in return, more in control of how you feel about your body.

I pray for you to have strength, wisdom and courage for all you've accomplished, you're doing great!

LL

I would suggest counseling. Dr. Phil says that if you are an unhappy "fat" person, when you lose weight, it just makes you an unhappy "thin" person. The two are somewhat connected at times, but not totally! I have not been in your shoes, however, I would think you are on the right track. You have been through alot of changes, both physical and psychological and there is no shame in asking for help dealing with it. Perhaps there ARE other issues there that even you are unaware of. Perhaps you were told you were unattractive and even though you have lost weight, you still believe it. It could be any number of things. I will say a prayer for you, that you will seek and find the help you need to become the person you want to be. My husband constantly reminds me that you must love yourself and first and foremost, do what you need to do for YOU!! Best of luck!

I hope that you will continue to vent, voice your concerns and seek support both here in the forum and through other sources as well.

Hugs to you!

I had lost over 100 pounds 8 or 9 years ago and kept most of it off for 4 years.(Till my marraige and first child...amazing how having others to cook for can change your determination with a low-cal diet!)

I found, though, that while I felt great and thought I looked awesome...I did have some anger to work through. I actually got angry at men for taking notice of me...for people in general being more congenial. Somewhere inside I resented the heck out of the fact that being skinnier made people treat me better and with greater respect. After all...I was the same person, but suddenly I was worthy of attention and being taken more seriously? VERY irritating! Took me awhile to figure out why I could get so aggravated with people back then, but once I did...I dealt with it and felt better all around. The truth is, that overweight people ARE treated differently...and when you go from the one side of the coin to the other...it can upset you to see that. Dont know if this has anything to do with your thinking...but thought I'd throw it out there...just in case.

As for seeing yourself as "still fat"...I think even the skinniest person in the world can look in the mirror and focus on their flaws (and many of them do). Take out some pictures of you BEFORE you lost the weight and keep them by your mirror to help you focus on how much better you look. It'll help. You'll still see the things you want to improve, but seeing the drastic differences between before and after, might make you stay a bit more positive.

First of all congratulations with your progress, you should be extremely proud at what you have accomplished, as you are now a much healthier person! I will send my prayers your way, I hope you can find a way to love yourself and I am glad you got this out.

D