I feel discouraged sometimes when I read people's posts about "how fat" they were when they wore a size 22, or how because they are short they were "huge" at 150. I can accept that my current statistics, which represent a 50 pound loss, are still way above what those people consider acceptable. In fact, even my goal weight would make me a loser by the standards others apply to themselves. I know, objectively, that each person has his or her own goals, and I must have mine. But perhaps people might realize that when they criticize themselves so harshly, they are also criticizing others who perhaps would love to be at their weight.

Does this make any sense?

Quest, I think what many folks need to learn is to accept themselves as they are. I don't mean to give up on getting a healthier, slimmer body, I mean just plain accept themselves. I am the same person now as I was when I only weighed 100 pounds and I am the same person I was when I weighed 193 pounds - my body was obviously larger at 193 than at 100, but that's not why I'm lcing. I'm lcing to get my body to optimum health. The weight loss is a plus for me. I refuse to accept other folks' opinions of the way I looked at any of the weights I have been. Even when people have made fun of me I have refused to let their opinion of me color my opinion of myself. I'm not perfect and I don't want to be. But I do like me. I'm a good person. I think lots of folks need to learn to accept that who they are inside doesn't change just because the outer package does.

We are all made in God's image and we are all beautiful no matter our color, our age, our height or our weight.

Quest - you are a beautiful person. Don't let anyone who doesn't like themselves and who has to pump up their own since of self by saying those things change the way you feel about yourself.

You have done wonderfully well losing 50 pounds. Congratulations!!

shortstuff

[/COLOR]I agree, I hate when someone like 140 gets on and talks about how "fat" they are! Im below 200 and I dont have that much to loose, I try no to talk about how big or small I may be because I know that some people have a longer way to go and would love to be where I am now! Of corse a smaller weight then 200 makes me angry when they claim their "fat" because I would love to be smaller then I am (thats why im lcarbing) But for me a question for "smaller then me like 140" How much weight do you want to loose and why? geez your allredy skin and bones!

I try NOT to, but YES. I know it's all relative, but ever since I (at 120 lbs) got "called on the carpet" by my very large English teacher when I bitched about needing to lose weight. She explained to me in NO uncertain terms right in front of everyone, how what I was saying about myself was demeaning to her and others who NEEDED to lose weight and struggled every day.

I never forgot THAT lesson. I honestly never thought about it until she said something.

Now that the shoe's on the other foot, I try to remember that that's where these people are coming from, but it STILL gets me sometimes.

Man, I just wrote a really long thing and accidentally deleted it.

I'm going to change the angle a little.

As someone who criticizes my own weight NOW, even after XX lost... I know that when I was fatter I would have given a limb to look like I do now. However, I'm a slacker! I cheat all of the time, I've gained 8 lbs since June, I have binges and am generally not happy with myself and the way I am handling my eating. I could have, and should have been at my goal - which involves a very defined and athletic look, just because I am active and exercise hard and want it to show.


This disgust at myself has nothing to do with someone who is 200+ lbs and changing their lives and doing something good for themselves... you know? It's all a matter of perspective. I know what I should be doing to be where I want to be.. and I've been slacking. In NO WAY is someone who is 100 lbs heavier than me, but working on things, any less in my eyes because of their weight.

I don't know if I'm explaining this properly... I suppose people who are at a lower bodyfat should be more sensitive about what we say in case we say something that offends. It's just that we're comparing ourselves to ourselves.. or to an ideal that is close to ourselves. It really has nothing to do with someone who is larger.

My standards do not make you a loser. In fact, your statistics would make you someone to be VERY impressed with!!! You had so much more to do and you're doing. Please be proud of yourself and your accomplishments...they are so much bigger than someone who didn't have as far to go.

Think of it like baking a cake. I'm baking a single layer chocolate cake. It's out of the oven and I'm putting on the icing, fussing and criticizing with the tiny details and leaves and flowers. You're baking a multi-tiered (right word?) cake and you're still mixing the ingredients. That should not make you less in anyone's eyes. You've taken on a much larger project and in the end will have much more impressive cake.

Sorry if this is all over the place, just trying to give you the perspective of one of those insensitives who has been known to express dissatisfaction with where they were and where they're at.

take care,
Meg

"We are all made in God's image and we are all beautiful no matter our color, our age, our height or our weight." - shortstuff

Shortstuff, you nailed it. I just revised my goal to acknowledge the fact that my body does not want to be 135, it wants to be 140, which is OK for 5'7". I am heathily following my plan, and feel pretty good, look pretty good. I so appeciate that we are all helping each other to get to health.

minnat3

Nobody's setting out to deliberately hurt anyone's feelings here. It's more like when the media fusses over J-Lo's "ample rear" and she's a size 5 or less... or the "plus-size" models that are a 12-14. If THAT'S plus sized, what are WE?

I find it hard to identify with some of the members who are in the 100-125 range and complain about being fat. I try to be respectful, but mostly I just have to pass them by. I can sometimes contribute, since I was in that position once, but the advice isn't always well-received. Then again, someone who's reached 400 lbs probably thinks that I have nothing to complain about either!!

The important thing is to just respect each other, which is what this forum is all about!

I hope that I have not said anything along the lines you mention and hurt anyone's feelings. Even when I was much more overweight than I am now, I was pretty much in denial and did not think of myself as "fat". "Horizontally challenged" perhaps, but not "fat".

I'm eating what I am eating because I'm pretty much convinced that my high blood pressure and (before LC) previously high cholesterol levels were caused by the fact that I weighed too much for my height. I do admit that looking better is a pleasure, but it was not my original motivation. Even though my current weight is within the realm of what I consider "normal" for my height and age, I like what I'm eating, I think it's healthy, and see no reason not to stick with it. I've got a little ways to go down before anyone would seriously think of me as "skin and bones".

The simple fact is that someone 5 ft. tall (or short) is going to look heavier at a certain weight than someone 6 ft. tall at the same weight, give or take a few pounds for body type and muscle mass. So I don't compare the stats of someone taller with my own. I have nothing but admiration for those on this forum who have more to lose, and are doing something about it. Recently, I private messaged (that's a verb?) the moderator of the TDC to ask if he felt it was offensive or rude for someone my size to occasionally reply to a post in the TDC. (sometimes I don't notice which forum I'm reading in) I was told that there was nothing wrong with it, as long as I was genuinely trying to be supportive.

I do know what it is like listen to someone who is clearly not the least bit overweight bitch and moan about how "fat" they are. I shared an office with someone for years who did that, and most of that time I was needing to get rid of some poundage. Mostly I just tried to ignore her comments.....but they did offend me. At any rate, I appreciate the opportunity to renew my vows of sensitivity.

Kay

I guess that if anyone wasn't feeling fat or unhappy with their weight, they wouldn't be changing their WOE. They obviously have an issue with how THEY feel about the way THEY look at their starting weight. There is a need for political correctness however.

I read a quote in Women's Day (or some other) magazine that said (I'm paraphrasing) 'no matter what weight you are, there is someone out there who wants to be your size." I took that personally.

I know I would never intentionally hurt anyones feelings but I may have written something that came off that way. The thing about me is, I have never judged other people the way I judge myself. I don't look at others and think bad things about their weight, no matter what it is. I have had such hurtful things said to me when I was a larger size that I REALLY know how it feels and I get fighting mad at anyone who says nasty or negative things about someone because of what they weigh. I honestly don't consider other peoples weight when I think of attractiveness but I do with myself. That is not good and I am trying to be better about it. I agree with the previous post that I am the same person inside no matter if I am a size 2 or 22 (which I have been both in the past) but I didn't feel good about myself when I was at either size. I guess I based my feelings on what I thought that others thought...like I said, not good. I don't think that way about others though because I think it is wrong to judge anyone by their size. I can't change society but I am working on me. I am good about judging others but waaaay too hard on myself.

Funny that you should write this, Diane because I have always looked at your avatar picture in your previous posts and thought how pretty you were! I think it is fantastic how much weight you have lost because I know how hard it is but not because I imagined you unattractive at a higher weight. I said all that to try and explain that if I've ever been offensive in previous posts I never meant to come off that way. It would break my heart to think that I had insulted anyone about their weight because I know how it feels to be belittled. I guess we get excited about losing and feeling better but I think we are ALL special and beautiful because we are the only one of us there is! You look great. Always remember that and I mean that for everyone!

Perhaps for some people it is a recognition of a problem that could spiral upwards. I know that for me even though I am at an acceptable weight. I need to heal the reasons why I was at 185, because perhaps in 5 years I could be at 285. Maybe early recognition is the key.

cheers,
Judi

OK, I've been chewing over this one for a couple of days now, because I've been on both ends of the spectrum -- I'm 5'5", and I've gone from obese at 210 lbs to slim at 130 lbs. I've been frustrated to hear my slimmer friends talk about how they need to lose weight, or how they're not happy with their bodies, but now that I'm the skinny one, I'm tempted to do the same thing, and constantly afraid of saying something insulting. I get squirmy every time the conversation turns to food, exercise, diets, shopping, clothing, body image, or similar subjects, because I basically just have to keep my mouth shut. If I say anything that implies I'm still regarding my own body as a work-in-progress, it's taken as implicit criticism of them, but it's not like I can just yak about how easy it is to find clothes in size 4, or how I'm changing my workout focus from fat loss to muscle definition, or how great maintenance eating is, or how great I think I look. I have had people who don't know about my weight loss become downright hostile because I've said something about being on Atkins or knowing what it's like to watch my eating. Diane, I really do understand where you're coming from, but sometimes it feels like that sentiment translates to "just shut up".

Like others have said above, I really don't regard my heavier friends' appearances as gross, and I'm a lot more generous about other people's bodies than my own. I'm body-dysmorphic and perfectionist, but that only applies to the way I see myself, not to others. When I look in the mirror, I'm probably always going to see the flaws in my own body, real or imagined. but if I say anything about them, it's seen as insensitive. I realize the mode of expression counts for something, and that it's less annoying for me to say, "I think my thighs are still too big", than "I am a fat cow with thunder-thighs". However, some people are still going to take it wrong regardless of how I say it, and wonder what I must think of their thighs. What, exactly, am I supposed to do? Not say anything at all, for fear of hurting someone's feelings?

I'm willing to just avoid the topics of weight loss and body image entirely with my friends, because there is a lot more to our relationships than weight-related subjects. But this board is for weight loss support, and that includes those who only have a little extra weight, or those of us who are pretty much at goal. Yes, many people with more to lose find that frustrating, but that's why the Triple Digits Club is set aside specifically to be a more understanding and supportive environment. I think it's fine to encourage people to exercise tact in their phrasing, but if it bothers you just to see relatively thin people wanting to lose more weight, it might be best to avoid such posts/areas, rather than implying that the thin people need to quit their whining and go away.

I do accept that people criticize themselves more harshly than they do others. I also accept Atlee's point that everyone has the right to express their concerns and anxieties about their bodies.

Woah!! She never said the thin people have to quit whining or go away, and to imply that we bigger people need to just stick to the triple digits club is relatively insulting as well. She expressed her feelings, plain and simple. I don't think we need to turn this all hostile, as this was clearly not the intent.

It's ok, Atlee's post was a reminder that everyone needs a safe place to express their anxieties about themselves without being criticized. I have never gone to the maintenance board, but I am sure they support each other in continuing ways even after reaching goal. As they should!