What if a diet does more harm than good?
Published February 11 2004
Tony Gabriele
http://www.dailypress.com/features/...ures-columnists
"I can't decide! I can't decide!" my neighbor Biffle moaned, sitting dejectedly on his front porch.
I think it's a little late for decision-making, I said as I sat down beside him. They already held that presidential primary yesterday.
"I'm not talking about politics," he grumbled. "Tell me the truth, do you think I need to lose weight?"
I would never say that myself, because that would be the pot calling the kettle round. But you have seen slimmer days. So you can't decide whether to diet or not?
"Nah, I know I have to diet. So now I'm facing the really tough decision, which is which way to diet."
You're not thinking of those silly fad diets, are you? Those grapefruit-honey-and-vinegar formulas, or whatever?
"Of course not. Although my brother-in-law did have some success trying this all-popcorn diet. You eat nothing but popcorn, and you don't drink anything."
And this makes you lose weight?
"After several mouthfuls of popcorn, your mouth is so dry you can't swallow anything at all. But in the end, he gained all the weight back."
Why?
"He broke three teeth on unpopped kernels and couldn't chew until the dentist fixed him up, so he ate nothing but ice cream for two weeks."
So, what is it you can't decide about dieting?
"Do I do it the old way, or the new way?
Old way? New way?
"You know, the low-fat diet or the low-carbohydrate diet. I've never faced such a terrible dilemma in my life."
It's a dilemma?
"Sure. What have we been told for years about dieting? You avoid fatty foods. Avoid cheese. Avoid cream. Avoid butter. Avoid bacon. Avoid deep-fried foods. Avoid succulent, marbled steak. All foods that I love, I crave, I hate to do without."
Well, of course. One of the cardinal rules of nutrition is that if it tastes yummy, it probably will make you fat.
"And then suddenly everybody was talking about the Atkins stuff, the notion that it wasn't fat that made you fat, it was carbohydrates. Now I see TV ads hawking sandwiches full of cheese and bacon and saying they're good for you."
But isn't that good news?
"Are you crazy? Look at what the low-carb camp says you can't eat. No bread, yuck. No potatoes, feh. And worst of all, no pasta! It's ghastly! I tell you, life is not worth living without an occasional plate of lasagna. They even warn you about eating fruit, the one thing I liked that I thought was healthy."
Still, I bet you a lot of people have gone for the low-carb option because they tell themselves, "Hey, this give me permission to eat bacon and butter and steak."
"Yeah, but when I get a craving for macaroni and cheese, now I wind up worrying, should I eat the macaroni without the cheese, or eat the cheese without the macaroni?"
Isn't it good, though, that you have an option?
"Heck, no! Now, on top of all the dreariness and self-denial of dieting, I have to worry: What if I made the wrong choice?"
Wrong choice?
"Certainly. What if I steeled myself to pass up pasta, boycott bread, and miss the mashed potatoes, only to have nutritionists eventually decide that Atkins guy was full of baloney, and all that deprivation was for nothing."
That would be unfortunate.
"Or on the other hand, suppose I skipped the steak, banished the bacon, and cut myself off from cheese, only to have the nutritionists eventually say, 'Sorry, we found out Atkins was right, and you're still going to be a lard-butt.' All that pain, and no gain."
That would hurt.
"I tell you, it's like being back in the Middle Ages and getting told you're going to hell if you choose the wrong church to go to."
But both camps do agree on some things.
"Yeah, they both agree that pizza with extra cheese, the world's most delectable food, is bad for you. High fat and high carbohydrates, phooey."
I'm sure there are some foods that either diet would recommend. There's always your raw carrots and celery, possibly supplemented by some twigs and bark.
"Yeah, that sure makes me feel better. Want to join me in some popcorn?"
Tony Gabriele can be reached at 247-4786 or by e-mail at tgabriele~dailypress.com.
"What if a diet does more harm than good?"
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