Every now and then I run across the idea that people who can't lose weight or maintain a weight loss must "subconsciously" want to be fat: that the fat is providing them with a benefit. The most recent example is Dr. Phil's article in the current issue of O magazine (with the theme of "Age"). He gives the example of a woman who says she is unhappy about her weight, but never loses it. He "discovers" that she was sexually abused as a child and stays fat to stay unsexy (sorry, I think that's an overused example of why someone might prefer to be fat).

What do others think of this basic idea, that there is (for some) an unrecognized benefit in being overweight?

One good thing abut being fat is that I always get to sit in the front passenger seat in cars LOL

Joking aside, It has been sugested to me in the past from several therapists that maybe I have stayed big to create that barrier to avoid people getting to close to me. I don't think I do tho, but as you said maybe it is a subconscious thing.

I don't know what I'm getting out of being big. There are too many possible causes, IMO. Between a few personal failures, and an abusive marriage, and now the stresses of being a single Mom of two, one with a disability..I see it more as a side-effect of medicating myself with food. I used to really be a "victim" and expected less of myself because I was fat. Nothing was ever really MY fault, you know! I think that's even why I chose losers to date...whatever went wrong was THEM, and I didn't have to take a hard look at mySELF.

I'm waking up now, taking charge and taking responsibility. I'm not hiding anymore, and I think that's the mindset I have to have to do this!

I think there are subconscious motivations to stay fat, but I think it's a small part of a bigger picture. Potatofree - I'm with you - I use food to self-medicate myself. I also think part of it is the undeserving mentality. Although you say to yourself "I deserve an ice cream sundae" in the back of your mind you're saying "I don't deserve to be healthy, to be thin, by refusing the sundae". JMHO, of course.

I second the notion. In many ways we are brought up to see eating as a very nurturing thing. Our moms/dads/grandparents rewarded us with food wether it be candy or those lovingly prepared homemade goodies. To a point, this is not a bad thing - it is when we continue to return to this method of comforting ourselves that we find our weight getting out of hand. It then becomes a viscious cycle - not feeling good about yourself, reaching for comfort, the letdown/guilt of knowing we aren't helping the situation any, not feeling good about yourself, reaching for comfort.....

I second the girls above. People are heavy for such a variety of reasons. Personally, I was very active and fit until 15 when my mother's live in started hitting on me and we moved to a rural location. The combined lack of exercise and isolating myself to stay away from the creep started my weight gain. Once I started gaining weight, and being teased by kids at school, harped on by insensitive relatives, etc. I ate more and started eating secretly to avoid the lecture. I also liked to escape by reading in bed all day and eating cookies, cereal etc while reading. The weight gain did help keep the creep away-so it was protective.
After I got married - a size 14 and 170 pounds, my husband let me know I was the fattest girl he'd ever been with-he became even more insulting as the marriage went on. As our marriage went to hell over the next several years-I ate to spite him and turn off his unwelcome attentions.
Now that we've been divorced 7 years, and I would welcome someone else's attention I am taking measures to get the weight off.

...and we all have to realize that getting the weight off means we have to do the hard work of dealing with the hurt, fear and anger we've been "stuffing down" all these years.

True, many of us medicate ourselves with food (OMG, I just did it myself, a blob of goat cheese!) but would we do it if our metabolism wasn't set up this way? I'm suspicious of facile theories from the therapist industry, remember the unmitigated codswallop and horsepuckey about "refrigerator moms" causing autism. So I'm leery of some explanation about people 'wanting' to be overweight. Easy to say, hard to prove. or disprove. Bill

IMPOSSIBLE to prove or disprove, IMO... because we're all so different.

My own theory is that if you're especially sensitive to carbs, you get a bigger pleasure response from them as well. The emotional meets up with a physical reward, and that kind of reinforcement would be a double-whammy that can't be quantified.

I think the kind of "wanting" that's talked about is so deeply buried it'll take a lot of soul-searching to figure out. Nobody I know consciously sets out to get fat, but if it didn't serve SOME kind of purpose, the consequenses would extinguish the behavior...

Here are my yo-yo experiences......

When I was young, and thin, I was attacked at knifepoint and raped and instantly gained 40 pounds. Obviously it was needing to feel unsexy. Overused excuse or not.

Eventually I lost the weight, got married to a fabulous guy, and put on 70 pounds through pregnancy and going out to eat all the time. I was happier than hell but not paying attention to my weight gain. So no excuses at all for that time.

Then I woke up one day and decided to lose the weight, which I did, and then my father died. He and I were so close. We worked together, hung out together and had fun together. He was my mentor and dear friend as well as a great dad. This pain resulted in the gain of 60 pounds or so. Trying to stuff down the pain is so true to me because I feel like I rarely get the chance to just be alone and cry.

My current heartbreak is my mom. She has a boyfriend that is so jealous he won't let her see her family without punishing her. He is a complete co-dependant personality if I ever saw one. In any case, she has pushed me out of her life and the pain of rejection from your own mother is hard to cope with. But now I am more angry than hurt and I am losing the weight for me. I will also maintain a LC lifestyle so the yo-yo stops here. I am now in control!

So, different times in my life I have gained for different reasons.

I think that's a very intriguing point. No doubt, some people do get more pleasure from eating than others.

Also, I think the rewards for being thin are greater for some. If you have plenty of money to spend on clothes and places to be seen looking great, there must be more motivation than for many who know they will still have a minimal wardrobe and opportunity to go out. (As I write this, I'm not so sure, since everyone can look good, even on a budget--still, I'm imagining someone who could afford Armani not being willing to be too big for Armani. This must be related to why there are so few heavy celebrities, and the ones who are, like Ophrah, become such special cases).

I used to think there was. Anyone who's ever gone through jr high and highschool with a 32/34DD chest would know what it's like to constantly get stared at by scumbags. Especially dirtyold disgusting men in stores. I even had teachers staring at my chest. People would talk to me and their eyes drop down. I got fat at the end of highschool. Then I just got made fun of for being fat, but still got comments on my chest...

I hardly even wore makeup. Didn't like drawing any attention to myself. I wish people wouldn't look at me..it's very uncomfortable. Now I realize it doesn't matter what my face or anything looks like. I'm still going to get stared at by disgusting pigs no matter what I do. I realized this after noticing how guys look at the typical hot, skinny, girls and what they say about them. Hey there is a reason that most porn mail is for "barely legal"

(sorry, I think that's an overused example of why someone might prefer to be fat).
Despite what I just said, I agree. It was only part of my reason of never having any willpower.

I've done the same as Xplora, stuff the pain down after a death. gained 10lbs last year from losing my grandfather and my dog/baby 6 weeks apart.

If you have plenty of money to spend on clothes and places to be seen looking great, there must be more motivation than for many who know they will still have a minimal wardrobe and opportunity to go out.[/b]
This is one of my motavations. I have like no clothes now because I don't like the way clothes cling to me, the styles I like... I don't fit in. Although I never will untill I get a breast reduction..lol. But then on the other hand, I'm not into the clubs, and stuff like that where i would need a certain style so it doesn't really matter. I'm just..weird? =/

I definitely used food to self medicate. I would eat all kinds of junk, just for the teensy rush, when things go bad. And who doesn't? The ice cream makers show women soothing themselves after a breakup, the candy bar people tell you "You deserve it" and so does McD's. Everyone uses food...it's just that some people handle it better than others.
It's been a struggle for me to not use food for the wrong reasons. It was a big thing for me to throw food away, leave it on the plate, and stay away from junk, but it does come with rewards, too. Just not instant ones.

Sometimes the sheer, soothing pleasure of eating IS the reward! Especially for carb addicts, the physical act of eating, and the activation of those pleasure centers in the brain can actually be stronger than our desire to be thinner....instant gratification.

Sometimes the sheer, soothing pleasure of eating IS the reward! Especially for carb addicts, the physical act of eating, and the activation of those pleasure centers in the brain can actually be stronger than our desire to be thinner.... instant gratification.