First off 12 pounds in 1 month is stellar, particularly with PCOS. Sounds like you were doing something right!
I went over to your journal to try and get a bit more insight as to the basis of all your frustration...
Can you tell us WHY your kitchen is such a mess?? I know it's a small galley kitchen but is it a mess because you are remodeling; a mess because of inertia of not being able to clean for some reason such as depression, stress, long work hours, hoarding.....I'm not trying to be funny, I'm just trying to get a handle on what you're saying is going on with you, and it sounds like it's something more than just a small kitchen. Just because you have a small kitchen does not mean you can't turn out tasty meals--like other things...it's not the size that matters, it's what YOU do with it
If you have a frige that works, why do you want to replace it?
Instead of trying to make food in the morning, why not make food ahead of time so that there is ALWAYS something on hand. This is what I do when I know I have a long stretch of call at the hospital--make lots of food before hand so that there is always something to grab and go--no thinking required.
In your journal you also talk about wanting to start exercising, but you're unable to do something as simple as taking the dog for a walk everyday....this inertia sounds similar to the inertia that people feel when depressed...please don't get angry or defensive because I mentioned this, but I see this with many of my patients...the depression makes them feel so overwhelmed that they are unable to even attempt the most simple of tasks. Just asking.
If you are just a procrastinator a trick that I learned when in graduate school (always wanting to put off assignments) is to set a kitchen timer for 15 minutes. Clean for those 15 minutes. When the timer ends, you cant stop. Hey! You've accomplished something. If you want to stop for the day, great! or you can set the timer for another 15 minutes. It's surprising on what can happen in 15 minutes.
Take the dog for a walk. He'll be a much happier companion for you during what sounds like a really trying time right now.
Progress not perfection.
Lisa
(Looks like we were posting at the same time...I type slower)