More thoughts on sex...
Hi MommaTBird,
You know, three years is still within the spectrum of "normal", especially in your case. It's hard to take care of two young children who are very close in age! Believe me, I know...
Could it be that your body is saying, "No more kids! It's time to take care of ME! I need your attention too!" Are you getting enough time to take care of yourself?
I went through similar feelings, although for a shorter time period. My children are constantly touching me and clinging to me. By the time they went to bed, I wanted to be ALONE with no one touching me or asking for things. Sex was the last thing I wanted.
Although I really did not want to be touched, I found that I didn't mind touching my husband. So we compromised--we didn't have sex, he didn't touch me, but I touched him. (I'll leave it at that, lest my mother is reading this or I get kicked off the forum for being a pervert.) It wasn't a great substitute for sex, but it got us through a difficult time.
In addition, I explained to him why I thought I was having this problem, and that it was nothing to do with him. These are the reasons I (think) had a low sex drive:
1)My kids were constantly touching me.
2)I was very stressed and couldn't relax. I need to relax in order to feel aroused. The lack of sex drive was an even bigger stress on me!
3)I didn't feel sexy or attractive. I was fat, I had stretch marks, a saggy stomach, saggy boobs, hairy eyebrows, nasty toenails, and my face was broken out because I didn't have time to take care of myself.
4)It took a long time to get used to my body after having kids. It had changed so much. I felt like my brain had been transplanted into someone else's body.
I'm not sure why or how my sex drive came back. I still have all the problems I listed above, but I don't focus on them anymore. I focus on my nutrition and health, my kids, and my personal goals. Focusing on how fat and monstrous I looked wasn't getting me anywhere.
A couple more things I wanted to mention (you don't have to answer these questions, just think about them):
Whose idea was it to go to 6 psychiatrists, yours or your husband's? Who believes that your marriage is failing? You, your husband, or both of you?
Are you on birth control? Some forms of birth control will take away your sex drive--many people (including myself) have had this experience with Depo-Provera.
Finally, please don't leave your children. They don't see you the way you see yourself. To them you are perfect, and honestly, their opinions are the only ones that matter.
If you feel like you aren't being a good mother, don't try harder--take it down a notch. When I have a bad day, I lay on the sofa with the kids and we watch Elmo videos all day. I don't clean house, I don't make dinner (except maybe some pbjs for the kids), and I don't feel guilty. Maybe I'm not mentally "there" for them on those days, but I'm still "there," which is important to them and still counts for something. On these days, watching Mr. Rogers really helps me--he's so persuasive and sincere when he tells us we're special.
Sorry this is so long! I can't seem to reply to a post without writing a novel. I really empathize with your situation and I hope you can find a way to feel better.
Saramun
PS: I tried "forcing myself" once. I didn't enjoy it, although I did feel like having sex about four hours later. The only thing that I've found that really gets me in the mood (or sometimes just makes me feel better) is to lie naked under an electric blanket.
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