My mother's birthday is coming up on September 27th and I want to buy her a book to try and give her some information about how bad sugars are. I need some advice as to what book to get her. I can't give her atkins, because I know there is no way in hell I will ever get her to follow that. But what I want to do is just get her to read a similiar, less hardcore book, something like Sugar Busters, that maybe will help her cut out some of the candy she eats, and also eat more protein. Let me tell you about about my mom though first.

My mom is a total sugar junkie. She gets strong cravings in the afternoon all the time and needs to stop at mcdonalds and get an ice cream cone, or else stop and get some candy. She probably goes through a whole bag of toffees every 2-3 days (the werthers original ones) and I can't remember the last time she went to bed without having her nightly bowl of ice cream. She also keeps a full stock of those Jub-Jub candies which are no fat. I told her before "Mom, just because they are low fat doesn't mean they are good for you. Sugar is bad for you". And she goes "I know, I should cut back" but of course never does. And the problem is, she never sees any bad results from eating sugar, so it's impossible to convince her it's bad. Besides this though, she barely eats anything at all. Everything she eats is low fat. She won't even touch any of the food I make, not even the muffins I make, just because I used cream instead of water. Yes, I am worried about her eating so much sugar, but the big thing is her protein. I think her bones are weak and if she got really sick, I am not sure if her body would be able to fight it off. I've also been trying to just get her to take 1 Centrum Select each day. How hard is that? But she won't. She goes "those are for you". What the heck! What is that supposed to mean? If anything, they are for her, since the centrum says "50+ and over".

But anyways, to give you an idea of what she eats, I think her daily diet goes something like this:



That's about her daily schedule. Her breakfast and lunch seem so good, but then after lunch virtually all she eats is candy. She has even told me that she probably couldn't go one day without eating any sugar or candies. And she often opts-out of eating dinner, and instead will wait and eat ice cream, then go to bed hungry i'm sure. I think her problem is mis-information. She was on weight watchers for several years, so she knows good health, but over the years I think she has gotten way too involved in weight loss. She stays at 128/129 on the scale all the time, but I was there on morning when it read 129.5 and she was very upset. She didn't show it, but I heard her upstairs banging doors in the kitchen afterwards, upset about something. Then the next day she barely ate anything at all. She actually said this to me.... honest to god, "How did I gain weight, I barely ate anything yesterday". sigh.

But anyways, the problems here for me are:

1. I care too much about her health to let this go. I don't want her to die young. She just got remarried and is the happiest she has been in her life. But she tells me it's none of my business, which she is probably right about, but I need to at least try.

2. She is in pretty good shape for her age. She is 54 and 129lbs and in very good condition for her age. Because of this, it's hard to argue with her. What am I supposed to say? If she was overweight, then it would be easy to critisize her ways of eating, but she is actually in very good shape for her age.

3. When I got my blood tests done when I first started atkins, I dragged her along. She had all her cholesterol, iron, ect. tested and apparently our doctor told her she is in fine physical health, so after this happened, I had to shut up. I don't really trust our doctor though. I don't think he would say anything was wrong unless something was REALLY wrong. I saw my cholesterol levels and IMO they were very high, but he said they were "normal".

4. With all these reasons, I just can't sit by any longer and watch her do this. Her mother suffers from severe diabetes and my mom is only 16 years younger than her. I don't want to see my mom develop diabetes now.

So with all of this being said, I need advice guys. What do you think I should do? Standing still is not an option for me anymore, but I also will never push my mother into doing anything, or force her, or argue with her. I just want to try and give her the oppertunity to learn about a better way of eating. This is why I think buying a book for her bday might help. So can anyone recommend a good book? Like I said, she won't be willing to cut out carbs entirely. Im sure she would be willing to cut back, but my mother will never stop eating the skim milk, cereal and muffin. So what book would you recommend? Would Sugar Busters be a good choice?

Thanks for listening to my rambling... feel free to comment on this post and tell me if you think i'm being unreasonable and if I should just butt out of her life. Maybe I am, and maybe I should just let her live her life.

Adam

Hey there Adam...
What a treasure of a son you are for your mom. She is so blessed to have you in her life, whether or not she agrees with your way of eating.

Now...I am going to be totally honest, because you also have been. You have laid all your cards on the table. You have asked for advice, and each person here will mean sincerely well with every word they give you.

I know where you are. There is a situation in my life right now that I am as passionate about as you are with your mom. The one thing I continue to learn each day is: I am not in control of anyone except myself. There is only One in charge of me, and I'm so thankful for that...'cuz I need all the help I can get! LOL

You have done everything you can: The dr., the encouragement, and most importantly, the EXAMPLE. That is the key. All you can do, by my reasoning, is to just continue to love on Mom. It is so hard to see those we love making hard choices, I know that first hand. Keep living your great example, Adam. I mean that too! And the next thing I personally have to do is bite my tongue and not judge. There's enough stuff in my own life that needs improvements, yet it bothers me so much when the one I am referring to doesn't make the healthy choices that should be made. So Annie-Pie here has to just shut up and let God take care of it, especially since He knows the situation better than me anyway.
So what I'm trying to say isn't meant to burst your bubble. Your enthusiasm about good health is so awesome and contagious. I hope more people will be inspired by your degree of caring. But may I just simply encourage you to love on your mom and not give her a book. That is my opinion, but I can't count how many times people try to give books to others but they aren't interested in it yet. It comes across as preachy kinda, like "try my way of thinking". If your mom is hooked on sugar the way you indicate, she will not be open to that book. Leave that to the dr. you find that you can trust, or leave it to the results that will follow from those choices.
Now I am the one talking a lot, but that's my opinion: Love, love, love her, don't preach at her with LC stuff if she's not there yet (been there, done that, doesn't work), and buy her flowers "just because", when it isn't her birthday! Maybe buy her some earrings or her fave perfume for her birthday. She admires you more than you know, and you are one heckofa great son. Any mom would be proud to have you!

Still learning,
Annie-Pie

I'm surprised your mom has any teeth left with all that sugar. The only thing that looks anywhere near healthy (by low fat standards, at least) is the breakfast. Even the lunch is horrible.

It doesn't sound as though a book would be very well received. Does she like to exercise? If so, maybe a session with a personal trainer would be a good gift. The trainer could also discuss nutrition - often times a third person, seen as a "professional" can get a message across easier.

How about getting a nice glass candy dish and filling it with sugar free treats for her? You could also throw in some Viactiv-type calcium chews. Trader Joe's has some that are wrapped in gold papers and you can't tell it's *not* candy.

As far as the issue of her diet, I really don't think a family celebration is the time to bring it up. If you can, have a frank discussion with her and tell her that you're worried and why. If it's not awkward, involve her husband. There also sounds like there might be some overarching self-image issues.

As far as books go, however, it sounds like the South Beach Diet would be the best for her. It includes grains and lowfat dairy sources, so it sounds like it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for her.

Ultimately, though, you will have to accept that no amount of work on your part will get her to change unless she wants to do so.

I am going through the smae thing with my 69 year old mom. But she is not healthy at all. She need 2 knee replacements. But thay cannot do the surgury because she is to large. Her cholest. Is way out of wack and the worse her knees get the less she moves and the more she eats.
I have gave her every book out there. She has seen the progress I made. I too am at a loss as to how to save her.

I really don't know how to help you. I asked and tried to get my parents to do this for the last 2 years. Finally after 2 years they are doing it. Although like always they will give it less than 2 weeks then quit, even though my dad has loses like 9 in one week! I don't get it. But you know it took me years to finally do it. When someone is ready they do it, and not before. But if you will buy a book go for sugarbusters, it's not as strict. At least it would get rid of her sugars. I wish you luck, and hope that she realizes how bad her eating habits are!

Annie-Pie

I think you made a very good post and I think you might be right. I have given her a lot of love though and I also know she sees my results. The problem is, I haven't educated her enough. I think she still thinks atkins is unsafe or that it is just a quick fix diet to lose weight. Maybe I should talk more about the fine points of the diet when around her, like natural sugars. I can tell you have tried to do the same thing I am trying to do. It seems like everyone on atkins wants so badly to "show other people the way" and I realize now that I can't force her, but I just want to give her the oppertunity. If she has the book infront of her and doesn't read it, then i've done all I can do. But maybe one day she will pick it up and read it. Who knows.

Melissasvh

She has bad teeth, and major problems with her gums. I am not sure if it's related to the sugar though. She does exercise. She actually does a lot. Walks at night for 20 minuts (although, hardly a workout for her, she just does it to relax) and she also goes to the gym each morning, although, i'm not sure what she does there. She gets all her energy from sugar though, and maybe a bit from her breakfast. The reason she has sugar breakdowns in the evening though, is because she never eats a proper dinner. I think a personal trainer thing might be a great idea, but I don't know what she would think of it. I think you are right though, maybe giving her the book on her bday isnt the best idea.

ian559

I hear you... It must be near impossible to get your mom to do it since she is 69. My grandma is 71 and it took me 4 years to convince her to buy a new television set (she has tons of money, and she always whined about wanting one, but never bought it). Now I cant even imagine how hard it would be to get someone so set in their ways to change eating methods. I really commend you for your effort though. It sounds like you care a lot about her.

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But anyways, thanks for all the replies so far. I might look into that South beach diet. Is that the same as the Mayo clinic one?

Adam,
My birthday is also Sept.27! (I'll be 49, so not too far off from your Mom). It does sound like she is in excellent shape, especially if the doctor did all those blood tests and everything was fine.
As we all seem to agree, giving her an "advice" book for her birthday probably isn't ideal. But down the road, an issue that may make an impression on her is osteoporosis. Women our age are scared of losing bone mass and ending up hunched over. Women who have always had a low body weight are especially susceptible to this! So maybe she would be motivated to eat more calcium and protein and take vitamins if she knew more about this issue. I'll see if I can find out anything useful for you.
One thing I have found, when I'm around relatives who tend to eat lots of sugar and carby treats: when I make a nutritious dinner such as roast chicken, or meatloaf, or chile, they are willing to eat it as long as they don't perceive it as high in fat.

Diane

P.S. I just noticed that your birthday is August 6th, which is my husband's b-day also....spooky.

I like the personal trainer session idea, too. If you want to give her a book, maybe something health related that is in her area of interest, but will give her info and maybe get the attitude adjustment started in a subtle way.

Spooky indeed Thanks for the advice. I've decided against giving her the book. Also, after some subtle reasoning tonight (just talking like normal) i'm more convinced than ever that I am trying to fight a battle here I can't win. Maybe I need to face the fact that she is going to eat like she does for the rest of her life. And even though her eating method isn't ideal, it works for her (she is in better shape than any other 50+ year old I know... except for suzane somers ) I still want to try and educate her on the subjects though. I think I will definately see about maybe getting her the personal training session. I think it would be a great idea, especially since she has said to me that she basically doesn't know if she is working out correctly at her gym at work.

I appreciate all the advice though to everyone in this thread, thanks! It is also nice to know that i'm not the only one with a loved one who eats like crap.... I guess there is 1 (or more) in every family

I feel your pain. I've got several family members like your mother. My MIL has severe osteoporosis, has a large dowgers hump on her back and has broken 5 bones already. She refuses to even take calcium! The doc gave her several of the newer drugs to help her condition and she wouldn't take them. My FIL has a brain tumor and just had surgery for prostate cancer and has canceled all his upcoming doctors appoinments and says he isn't going back. Did I mention that we had begged him for 6 years to get his problems checked out because he had every symptom of cancer? He finally got to where he couldn't urinate and had to go in for surgery but the cancer had spread by that time. Did he learn? Nooooooo.

My 2 sisters and mom have severe sugar addictions (like I did) and my mom is diabetic, sisters are overweight, etc. They got all excited about my weight loss, went out and bought the Atkins book and read it. Told me there was no way they could do that! It's about more than dieting...you have to be willing to make lifestyle changes and no one can do that for anyone else. Yes, it drives me completely and totally crazy but Annie_Pie put it well when she said the only person you can control is yourself. It has taken me several years, lots of tears and pleading and some gray hairs to come to that conclusion. I really wish I knew something to tell you that would work but if it's out there, I haven't found it. Your mom's lifestyle will probably catch up with her but there is nothing you can do but be there when she needs you. Good luck! Congratulations to you on your success and your commitment to improving your health!