I am so blown up today, I feel like a balloon. The scale reads a pound higher and I can't stay out of the bathroom. Bring on the Immodium and a gas mask for my hubbin.

Why?

I ate one (really fabulous) lousy piece of New York Style Cheesecake at Outback yesterday when they threw a free lunch for the new football team at my University.

Who'da thunk that something so sweet would feel so sour?

That'll learn me.