[This is just a pathetically bizarre, bad and offensive screed, but I report the bad as well as the good. Consider yourself warned. When Veronica Atkins characterized some of Dr. Atkins' opponents as "nasty", this idiot must have wanted to prove her point . - gotbeer]

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Las Vegas Mercury

Sidebar With Agnes Fliff

http://www.lasvegasmercury.com/2004...4/23261989.html

Facts on the Atkins diet

What is the basis of the Atkins diet?

You are supposed to gobble meat like a groupie backstage at a Grand Funk-Led Zeppelin double bill. The diet exploded in popularity, but questions were raised when it was discovered that the founder, Dr. Robert Atkins, was an obscenely bloated pantload when he croaked last year. The guy was pushing 260. He could have gotten work as a Charles Durning impersonator. And if you think there's no market for the Durningesque, both as a motivational speaker and a participant in fetish films, then you are sadly out of the pop culture loop.


Wasn't Dr. Atkins' extra weight caused by fluids administered while he was in the hospital?

What was in his IV bags, ranch dressing? Plus, he had a history of heart attacks, congestive heart failure and hypertension. Next to a wheezing blimp-ass like Atkins, Chris Farley was a triathelete.


Does this mean that carbohydrates are not as bad as they've been portrayed?

Dr. Atkins told people they could eat steak three times a day, sweeten their coffee with a stick of butter and brush their teeth with a cheese wheel and they'd look like Lara Flynn Boyle. And everyone bought it. People just want permission to act like pigs. But here's a news flash...there are no easy answers or quick fixes. Except, of course, for my new weight loss and lifestyle program, Hookers, Hash and Haagen Dazs.


Should diets be matched to individual tastes?

If you're turned off by restrictive diet programs--the kind that discourage binging, purging, splurging, competitive eating contests, surgically implanted tapeworms, Turkish prison sodomy, plunging headlong into emotionally crippling shame spirals and voluntary amputation--then Hookers, Hash and Haagen Dazs could be just right for you. Send $1,750 to me, c/o the Mercury, and in just six to eight weeks you'll be on your way to a slightly slimmer you.